Jelqing: Something only Satanists and Scrabble players need be concerned about

As the a long-range analysis of viewers of this site somewhat resembles binary code, I was held by the belief that I would receive no spam whatsoever. And while I don’t receive much, I do get approximately 30-50 attempts at spamming the comments section of the site per week.

Yesterday, however, I received a spam attempt that actually impressed me. You see, the current trend is to stick “Hey, you’re site is super keen” or some such text in the comment area, along with say, 23,000 links to porn or other such sites. Yesterday, I was impressed that I received one that was remarkably straightforward.

It was, in a way, as if they knew me. They were certain my penis was too small, and that I needed help. I felt somewhat exposed. And not in the good, trench-coat-at-church way, either. Nonetheles, I was able to shake it off, except for the post’s reference to “jelqing.”

Jelqing?

It turns out this is some type penis-enlarging exercise, maneuver, thing, of which I found all the necessary information for at a very appealing site called Satanosphere. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m anti-Satan all the way, baby. But it’s not like these guys are Scientologists or anything.

They did a much better job descibing the jelqing phenomenon than I could ever hope. I particularly enjoyed this section from Satanosphere’s post on Jelqing:

As with any mysterious (and widely sought after) ancient technique or substance, real hard information about jelqing, like how to do it (or how badly you’ll wreck your willy doing it) is hard to come by. Controversy about it, however, is not. Google Groups firmed things up a little bit. Read this whole thread from the beginning for a few flaccid humorous moments.

One thing about this still kind of sticks with me though … How come is it that when men want to enlarge their man-parts it’s almost universally viewed as totally creepy, and the websites about it are incredibly tacky and weird?

Now, I’m married, so my need to jelq is fairly low. But I am hoping the word will enter the Scrabble lexicon, where, if played wisely, it could be worth something like 1,500 points.

–WKW

Save