Terrorist target No. 1 - Nebraska - scores $21 million of tax-payer cash from Homeland Security
Terror-stricken Nebraska residents rejoice! The Department of Homeland Security has seen your plight and distributed more that $21 million in Federal funds to help Nebraskans fight the scourge of terrorism.
“In awarding this funding, we’ve remained focused addressing the challenge of integrating communication among our rural, urban and suburban areas,” said Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman. “Without this stream of federal funding that became available following 9/11, these efforts to work toward a statewide communications system would have taken decades, not years, to complete because of the enormous cost.”
Nebraska’s prior communications system involved a complicated scheme of shoulder tapping and hollering. Now, the robust state with a population closing in on 1.8 million can get the sophisticated communications system that it so richly deserves.
Reportedly, experts have noticed an increase in terrorist chatter that continues to not involve Nebraska in any way, shape or form. This is very likely a show of cunning by terrorist groups like Al Qaeda, and that U.S. states like Nebraska and Iowa need extra federal funding to help avoid a certain future attack that will rain a nightmarish hell upon them, says an anonymous expert.
Nebraska, whose five electoral votes went to George W. Bush in the 2004 U.S. Presidential election, has long been considered a terrorist target by the group “People Who Take Care of Those that Take Care of Bush” The PWTCTTTCB sites the “Islamofascists blind, seething hatred of corn” as one of a plethora of reasons why terrorists would love nothing better than kill every last Nebraskan.
–WKW