The David Warren Act: Because only by emulating terrorists can we truly be free

My Fellow Americans,

When I read the words of a great American, David Warren, it gave me pause for thought. First, I thought, “Wow, Canadia really is one of our best states.” After that, I thought about his words, and his willingness to fight these evil, terrorist killers.

“They made (the video) to show the whole Muslim world, via satellite television, what wimps these Westerners are. That they’ll do anything at all to save their lives, that they don’t think twice about it. That is the substance of most Islamo-fascist propaganda: that the West consists of straw men, of men without chests, of men easily pushed over,” Warren wrote.

I was impressed by this, because that’s a lot of words to write all at once. But it made me realize that we can never beat these blasted Islamofascists unless we become men. Unless we act like true Americans. Like John Wayne, or some other dreamy actor. So I have proposed to my advisors a new law, called the Warren Act.

What this law will do is create a new army, full of men like David Warren. What we will do is this, we will take these men, who will be arbitrarily drafted, mind you. 9/11. And then we will fly them to a Middle Eastern country. Doesn’t matter which one, because they’re all filled with baddies. Except Saudi Arabia. They’re a bunch of goodies over there, you know.

Then what we will do, is strap bombs to these mens’ chests, have them get on buses and go into mosques, they’ll scream “Jesus rocks!” and then kaboom, and we killed ourselves a bunch of Islamofascists. This will show the Enemy that we are serious. It’s like if you get sent to prson, right? We gotta start showing them Islamofascists the “crazy eyes.” That’s what they understand.

I am currently working on phase two of the Warren Act, which will consist of sending brave Americans to flight schools to learn how to fly, but not land, huge jumbo jets.

My fellow Americans, 9/11.

And in conclusion, Jesus rocks!

–WKW

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