True Americans must support the rumored Oliver Willis invasion of Jessica Alba

By William K. Wolfrum
Special to Williamkwolfrum.com

When Islamic-Fascist terrorists attacked America’s infrastructure on Sept. 11, it was a wake up call to an overfed, self-satisfied and undisciplined nation. Since that fateful day in 2001, the United States has grown immeasurable, yet it still faces an incomprehensible struggle against a blood-thirsty, wild-eyed and sex-crazed enemy, bent on universal domination. Now, more than ever, we all must sacrifice to insure a brighter future for our children.

Which is why the time is now for actress Jessica Alba and blogger Oliver Willis to become a couple.

For years, columnists like I, Thomas Friedman, Thomas Sowell and Dave Barry have long understood something that impotent, hand-wringing liberals and the French have refused to even address — geopolitical control of Jessica Alba is vital, nay, imperative for the United States to win the war on terror.

While I have no evidence of this and have never actually spoken to a general, or in fact, anyone above the rank of Sergeant in the military, I can say with all confidence that every general in uniform today would agree with me whole heartedly on the “Alba Scenario.” In fact, recent information gathered by unnamed sources have verified what many of us have long understood – he who controls Jessica Alba, controls the Middle East, as well as the majority of Eastern Europe and Asia.

This is why the recent rumors of a relationship between Willis and Alba have been a bright spot for those involved in forming U.S. foreign policy. A Willis-controlled Alba would not just stabilize the region, it would open doors of free trade heretofore unimagined. Poster sales in Nepal, for instance, would instantly rise more than 2,000 percent, economic strategists have assumed.

For Willis, he needs to examine the lessons the U.S. has learned in its completely failed and immoral, yet heroic, brilliant and correct effort in Iraq. In order to bring democracy to Jessica Alba and tame that region – notably the Sunni-infested Southern Region of Alba – Willis needs to do things correctly, or risk failure on an cataclysmic scope.

First, Willis needs the manpower. If he goes in without the will, and/or necessary force, this mission will be lost from the very beginning. By using a variation of Colin Powell’s “Overwhelming Force” doctrine, Willis should be able to break down Alba’s defenses, overthrow the current, inept and evil regime, and create a stronghold that leaves the young actress in a position of powerlessness.

Here, however is where the patience of the American people will be tested. For this to work, Alba and her people will have to accept that Willis will be a long-term occupying force. Many believe the U.S. isn’t prepared for this type of occupation, and public support will soon dwindle until Willis is forced to retreat with his ample tail tucked between his legs.

In final analysis, it appears the Willis-Alba scenario will be doomed for failure from the very start, leaving the region in chaos, ruining Willis’s and America’s reputation abroad, creating an economic vacuum that affect the entire globe among other myriad ills. Nonetheless, I fully support the rumored Willis invasion, and feel those that don’t are, at best communist, and at worst, blood-sucking Hitlers. Make no mistake, there will be casualties, but if Willis can’t overcome Alba on her ground, Americans will be fighting her in the street.

The time to strike is now and I believe that regardless of the potential for an apocalyptic scenario, her assets are too generous to not attempt regime change and occupation while the opportunity is there.

Oliver Willis must overthrow the Jessica Alba regime.

–WKW

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