William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Atheism is a religion is like not collecting stamps is a hobby.

–WKW

Taking some time out from their normal routine of pressing the United States to leave more of its soldiers dead and mutilated while mutilating and killing Iraqis, Senators Hillary Clinton and Joe Lieberman took a firm stand against video game violence.

From the Associated Press:

The Entertainment Software Rating Board said Thursday it would distribute four public-service television spots to more than 800 broadcast and cable stations nationwide.

“Just like movies and TV shows, video games are created for a diverse audience of all ages, and some are simply not intended for children,” ESRB president Patricia Vance said.

Sens. Joe Lieberman, D-Conn., and Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., lent their support at a Capitol Hill news conference. Both have been active in the fight to protect children from sexually explicit and graphically violent videos, music and movies.

Lieberman then went on to say that parents who did not follow this random, silly directive were irresponsible cretins:

“Ultimately, this is about parents exercising some responsibility,” Lieberman said.

According to federal crime statistics, the rate of juvenile violent crime in the United States is at a 30-year low, Lieberman, Clinton and the ESRB all avoided mentioning.

In other news, the Department of Defense announced the names of more dead U.S. soldiers, bringing the total to 2,900.

To summarize:

Disturbing. The type of thing only irresponsible parents would allow their kids to view.

Fantastic. Super patriotic, war of civilization stuff that should make us all proud.

–WKW

After watching the adorable “My Date with Drew” I realized something important - a man needs to follow his dreams. Of course, sometimes a man doesn’t have any major dreams at any given moment, so he just has to wing it.

So, after stumbling across the official Corey Haim Web site, I have decided on this new project - Within the next 30 years, I will feature an interview with former child megastar Corey Haim. Yes, Corey Haim, star of such films as “The Lost Boys” and the upcoming TV reality thingamajig “The Coreys” (where he and Corey Feldman sit around and talk about what a bitch it was to grow up).

Aside from writing this blog, I will actually do nothing in the pursuit of getting the interview with Haim. I won’t e-mail him, or call his agent. I won’t ever mention him again in this blog, nor will I spend any money to try and make this happen. I will actually completely forget about him. However, if Corey Haim personally contacts me, I will write a blog telling the world about it, thus spreading the word of Haim far and wide.

I’m living the dream, people. Will Corey Haim contact me? Will he shun me? Who knows? Hell, who cares? The fact is, I’m doing something, and that’s really all that matters.

So Corey, write me at this, specially created, Corey-Haim-only e-mail address: Coreyhaimonly(at)williamkwolfrum.com

I’ll keep you all updated on how this works out - provided Corey Haim contacts me. If not, I’ll never mention, nor think of it again.

–WKW

There are many who believe what the Democratic party needs in 2008 is an Al Gore presidential run. Well, according to the world’s least respected newspaper, Gore may be starting his run by lending a helping hand to the latest victim of Hollywood’s meat grinder, the soon-to-be female Corey Haim herself, Lindsay Lohan:

From the New York Post:

Lindsay Lohan is preparing to clean up her image and go to war with the media with the help of a high-powered friend - former Vice President Al Gore.

“Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me,” Lohan wrote last week in a rambling, semi-literate e-mail to her friends and lawyers.

In the bizarre message read by Page Six, Lohan burbled, “If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK.”

The breaking story on Lohan comes on the same day that the Post ran a Rubert-Murdoch-drunk-and-freaking-out inspired opinion piece on its front page, claiming that the government is infiltrated with “Surrender Monkeys” because the Iraq Study Group Report hinted that someday it might be wise for perhaps, just perhaps, the U.S. to consider getting out of Iraq, wink, wink.

If Al Gore can help Lohan, perhaps he can help Murdoch next. Each are equally spazzy after all and have roughly the same acting ability.

–WKW

A sandwich made by someone else always tastes better.

–WKW

After one season with San Diego, Mike Piazza has signed on with the Oakland A’s, and will take over Frank Thomas’ spot as designated hitter. Piazza signed a 1-year, $8.5 million deal.

The news is good for Oakland fans, as Piazza’s bat should amply fill in for the loss of Thomas, who earlier in the offseason signed with Toronto. That Piazza will be a DH and only the third option at catcher is sad news for opposing American League baserunners, as Piazza hasn’t thrown anyone out stealing since 1998.

–WKW

The Taliban, the world’s most heinous humans, are easing their way back into power, as the “tough on national security” President takes his time formulating a hypothetical plan of what to do in Iraq, having long ago abandoned any plan for the government that helped attack the U.S. in 2001.

According to CNN, the Taliban is working themselves back into power in Afghanistan, where they famously hid Osama bin Laden while he helped plan attacks on the U.S. and U.S. interests worldwide. Sadly, the Taliban and bin Laden are not much of an interest to the U.S. anymore, up to the point that former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist announced he thought it best just to let the Taliban back in Afghanistan.

The CNN article pointed out that this time things will be different for the Taliban, a group of religious fanatics that don’t actually make it to the classification of “animals.” They are currently working on set rules of when they should be allowed to behead people like teachers, as well as rules for what age minor boys should be before they repeatedly sodomize them.

–WKW

Already widely believed to be the worst Congress in the history of the United States, U.S. representitives called it quits Wednesday, with House Republicans doing little more than following the wishes of President George W. Bush as they headed out the door with middle fingers firmly aloft, telling the American people to suck it as they leave 12 years of dominance and corruption behind.

Republicans about to lose their thrones are doing nothing not sanctioned by Bush before the 109th Congress shuts down after a final, four-day work week. On Wednesday, the administration released a statement saying the president strongly supports the fetal pain bill, which would require women at 20 weeks of pregnancy and beyond to be informed that an abortion would cause the fetus pain.

A wonderful way for this Congress to end, as they truly went the extra mile to exterminate themselves as one of the arms of government, and instead just operated as the Executive branch’s rubber stamp.

From numerous of its members going to jail, to being wildly greedy and corrupt, to being lazy and self-important, to sailing through some of the worst legislation in the history of the nation, including the recent bill giving the President the right to define what torture is and to kill the right of habeas corpus, good riddance to a group of people who have been a blight on the United States of America, and leave the nation in much, much worse shape than how they received it in almost every conceivable way that can be imagined.

“Contrary to popular belief, members of Congress are human beings,” Representitive Mike Pence said recently. He was being much to kind to a group that have shamed themselves and the nation.

–WKW

So, it seems that the guys at Power Line, always searching for the big issues, are upset that a Yahoo headline writer took a shortcut in a six-word headline. “Gates says U.S. losing Iraq war.”

They point out that Yahoo is incredibly biased (even more so that the AP! Gasp!) and that Gates actually said the U.S. is neither winning nor losing in Iraq.

Just remember, according to Robert Gates, the U.S. isn’t losing it’s just not winning.

Power Line - Keeping America strong by arguing semantics while people are getting blown to bits.

–WKW

Big bananas can leave me feeling intimidated.

–WKW

In a great Q&A with readers for The Independent, evolutionary biologist and author Richard Dawkins showed off again why he just plain kicks ass, and why he is not a man to be trifled with:

What is there to distinguish your intolerance from that of a religious fanatic?

Dawkins: It would be intolerant if I advocated the banning of religion, but of course I never have. I merely give robust expression to views about the cosmos and morality with which you happen to disagree. You interpret that as ‘intolerance’ because of the weirdly privileged status of religion, which expects to get a free ride and not have to defend itself. If I wrote a book called The Socialist Delusion or The Monetarist Delusion, you would never use a word like intolerance. But The God Delusion sounds automatically intolerant. Why? What’s the difference?

I have a (you might say fanatical) desire for people to use their own minds and make their own choices, based upon publicly available evidence. Religious fanatics want people to switch off their own minds, ignore the evidence, and blindly follow a holy book based upon private ‘revelation’. There is a huge difference.

–WKW

The Vice-President’s lesbian daughter Mary Cheney has announced she’s pregnant and that she and partner Heather Poe as excited to be expecting a child. Even Dick and Lynne Cheney have hired someone to announce that they are excited.

“The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of their sixth grandchild,” spokesman Lea Anne McBride said last night.

Mary Cheney has described her relationship to Poe as a marriage, sending her father’s supporters into fit-like convulsions. For his part, Dick Cheney has said his daughter has the right to marry whoever she wants, and that he could care less about gay marriage, as no one is willing to bribe him for it one way or the other. He reportedly announced he is willing to accept nearly any amount to solidify his opinion one way or another.

Child experts have reportedly voiced serious concern over the upbringing of a Cheney-Poe child, saying that it could be in a dangerous, and unhealthy family. They went on to say that for the child, having two moms is cool, but having Satan’s bloodline could leave it stunted, confused and just plain evil.

–WKW

Heading to Barcelona for its decisive UEFA Champions League battle, Werder Bremen for all the world looked capable of getting the draw it needed to advance to the final 16, if not an outright victory.

In the end, however, the battle was won early at Nou Camp, as Barcelona cruised to a 2-0 victory.

The German side was coming off an impressive Champions League victory over Chelsea, and was sitting atop the German Bundesliga. For their part, the men from Barcelona had been playing sloppily of late, fighting for a tie against Levante in a game that saw them fall from the top in La Liga, as well as still missing injured stars Leo Messi and Samuel Eto’o.

All it took was 18 minutes, however, and the result was clear. The defending Champions League winners will move on, while Werder Bremen heads to the UEFA Cup. Bremen came out looking nervous and sloppy, and a crafty free kick from outside the box by Ronaldinho put Barca up a goal after 13 minutes. As the German wall went up, the Brazilian aimed low, sneaking one past keeper Tim Wiese.

With the Bremen defense still floundering, Ronaldinho started the game’s next goal, as well, going across the field to find Ludovic Giuly, who hit a wide-open Eidur Gudjohnsen for the game’s second goal at just the 18-minute mark. And while both teams had openings to score the rest of the first half, the game appeared for all intents and purposes to be a forgone conclusion, as the Spanish team was always a step ahead and swelling with confidence in the must-win game.

The second half saw Werder Bremen show more purpose and pride, but Barcelona ducked, dodged and parried to thwart the German’s side few solid scoring chances to make a match of things.

For Barcelona, the clutch victory leaves the squad in solid shape as 2007 approaches. The team’s injured stars should be returning soon, Gudjohnsen has done a workmanlike job, scoring goals and melding with his teammates, while the team has shown it can still respond to pressure, as the veteran Giuly was class throughout.

A champion effort by the champions, as the year comes to a close.

–WKW

“Endangering national security” has become one of the most dangerous phrases on the planet, even though the phrase has come to just mean “inform the public.” Ask any Little Green Footballs fan or their ilk how often the New York Times has “endangered national security” and you’ll be amazed that the U.S. isn’t smouldering ruins as we speak, such is their craziness. At very least, the courts still haven’t lost their minds in Denmark.

From Al-Jazeera:

Three Danish journalists, who published classified intelligence reports on Iraq’s former weapons programme, have been acquitted of charges of endangering national security.

The Copenhagen City Court ruled on Monday that Niels Lunde, the chief editor of the Berlingske Tidende newspaper, and Michael Bjerre and Jesper Larsen, both reporters, acted in the public interest when they published a series of articles in 2004 citing leaked Danish intelligence reports.

The articles said there was no evidence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction at the time of the US-led invasion in 2003, one of the key reasons cited by the US and Britain for going to war.

–WKW

Comedy Central has decided to crank out at least six episodes of “Lil’ Bush: Resident of the United States,” a cartoon satire that portrays President George W. Bush and key executives in his administration as elementary school misfits. In an odd twist, Vice-President Dick Cheney will play himself, as artists found it’s literally impossible to make him any more cartoon-like.

Fox News quickly announced they will be releasing their own new show which will combat “Lil’ Bush” and appeal to the humor and sensibility of their viewers. The “news” channel has ordered three dozen new episodes of some dudes sticking Mentos into a full two-liter bottle of Coke.

–WKW