William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Inside every politician is an actor literally willing to do anything to be seen and heard.

–WKW

He called himself the “father of combat TV” and was known as much for being Rebecca De Mornay’s father as he was a commentator. In my youth, however, there were no Rush Limbaughs, no Ann Coulters, no Michael Savages. There was only Wally George, and his insane diatribes started it all.

I had friends that would go watch the tapings of the Wally George Show, where the audience played as big a part as the host. Strippers and prostitutes would be the guests quite often. and George would decry their sluttiness to the cheers of his fans “Sick! Sick! Sick!”

None of his fans actually agreed with George, mind you, it was more like some weird cult of conservatism parody. But Wally George started it all. He was the original conservative talk show gangster.

So when Rush Limbaugh says this:

“Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.”

Or Ann Coulter says this:

“[I]t further confirms my point that Democrats are racist, and they’re just stunned to find a black man who can walk and talk.”

Or Bill O’Reilly says this:

“Well I don’t believe this kid did (enjoy school). And I think when it all comes down what’s going to happen is there was an element here that this kid liked about his circumstances … “

Just remember, they are only trite entertainers copying the schtick of one man - Wally George. And while it was always just as obvious that George’s tongue was planted firmly in cheek, none of the pretenders can compare. There can be just one.

Wally! Wally! Wally!

–WKW

With time running out in the first half, as well as in the Indianapolis Colts’ season, Peyton Manning finally became a big-game quarterback.

Make no mistake, on Feb. 4 against a tough Chicago Bears defense, Manning will have to prove himself all over again, but his performance against the New England Patriots was something many of his fans had dreamed of - their hero coming through big in the AFC Championship game.

Down 21-3, it looked as though Manning would be faced with another humbling defeat. He had happy feet. He was making bad decisions, including throwing an ill-advised interception that put the Pats up 18, and started to make it appear that New England was on it’s way to another Super Bowl appearance and likely victory.

With a final drive in the second half culminating in a field goal, the Colts went into halftime down 21-6. When they made their way back to the clubhouse, however, they were AFC champions. Thanks to Peyton Manning.

The second half was all Colts and all Peyton. Outscoring the Patriots 32-13 in the final 30 minutes, the Colts shook off any demons, as Manning finished the day throwing for more than 347 yards while being a force the depleted New England defense couldn’t stop.

For fans of the Colts and Manning, it was a banner day. There’s still one more game to play for Manning and company to get themselves marked down as NFL champions, but now it seems very possible, if not likely.

Because Peyton Manning finally learned how to win the big one.

–WKW

It has become the great weapon of the right, the Neo-con, and the generally unintelligent, that every time someone strikes back at their attack on human decency, they claim intolerance. The idea being that if they are intolerant on almost all issues, the opposition should be tolerant of all issues.

Fuck them. Doesn’t work that way.

Accuse me of being intolerant all you like, it makes no difference to me. The warmongers and curmudgeons have no fear of me creating laws to shut them up. That’s their domain. But I have no tolerance for them on an intellectual basis, and feel they deserve to be ignored. And many others feel the same. We don’t need laws or bands of thugs to shut them up.

Our lack of lenience over their lack of humanity will do the job. Let them strive to take the world back to the Middle Ages. In the end, our intolerance and evolution won’t be denied.

–WKW

In their dual interviews recently, a big difference between Steven Colbert and Bill O’Reilly became obvious - Colbert knows he’s an entertainer.

–WKW

Gerald Ortiz Y Pino has had enough. It’s time to impeach George W. Bush - even if he has to do it in the New Mexico state government. Ortiz Y Pino, a Democratic senator, told KRQE News 13 that his move to impeach the President has gathered support.

“Personal messages from people who said, ‘Wow, I’m glad you’re doing it; it’s something we should be doing.’ “Ortiz Y Pino said. “This particularly built up after the president’s speech last week when people began feeling like this guy is not listening to anything going on in the country.”

Should Ortiz Y Pino’s move work, it would become the greatest achievement in the history of New Mexico, experts claim. Currently, New Mexico’s greatest achievement is “Not belonging to Mexico anymore.”

–WKW

Who amongst us hasn’t admitted to wrong doing when a car battery was attached to our genitals? You know, hanging out with your buddies, drinking some beer, then being waterboarded until you admit to trying to overthrow the United States.

Well, those wacky kids being held at Guantanamo will likely learn the hard way, as the U.S. rushes to take advantage of any words they uttered while U.S. officials tortured them.

From CNN:

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is submitting to Congress a manual for trials of detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay that would allow the admission of hearsay evidence and coerced testimony, a Pentagon official told reporters Thursday.

The manual was drafted to comply with a law passed last year that restored the Bush administration’s military commissions created to try terrorist suspects.

The Supreme Court had struck down the commissions as unconstitutional.

The procedures outlined in the manual “will ensure that unlawful enemy combatants suspected of war crimes and certain other offenses are prosecuted before regularly constituted courts affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized people,” said Principal Deputy General Counsel Dan Dell’Orto.

Dell’Orto called the manual “the most comprehensive legal framework for the prosecution of war criminals in U.S. history.”

About 400 detainees are being held at the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The statute provides for the admissibility of hearsay evidence, an issue of contention among defense lawyers. Dell’Orto said the admission of such evidence should not necessarily weigh against defendants, since they, too, can enter such evidence, which thereby “levels the playing field, if you will.”

Brig. Gen. Thomas Hemingway, a legal adviser to the Office of Military Commissions, told reporters that the manual provides for a “clear prohibition of evidence obtained by torture” if it was obtained after December 30, 2005.

There was no word on how the U.S. plans to view coerced testimony at any of the secret prisons around the globe, but for those at Gitmo, a little legal advice - try and remember the information you gave U.S. authorities while they were stacking you naked on top of each other or keeping you alone and naked in a freezing cell. At least prior to Dec. 30, 2005. All the torture committed after that can’t be used against you, and was basically just done for kicks and because they could.

–WKW

Perhaps it’s time for some NBA team in need of a big body to see if Patrick Ewing wants to get in a few runs. Because at this stage, it appears that John Thompson’s Georgetown centers are missing an off switch. Thus far in the 2006-07 campaign, Alonzo Mourning (36) and Dikembe Mutombo (40) have made serious contributions to keeping the Miami Heat and Houston Rockets in the NBA’s playoff chase, as they take up for the injured Shaquille O’Neal and Yao Ming.

Numbers for January

Mourning: 12.1 ppg, 7 rpg, 3.3 bpg
Mutombo: 6.1 ppg, 13.9 rpg, 1.8 bpg

Of course, you don’t want to start questioning Mutombo about whether he’s older than his listed age, but aside from that, these two old-school Hoyas are showing the league that they still have plenty of game left and are two of the nicer stories in the current NBA campaign.

–WKW

When I first heard that it was official that David Beckham was coming to play in the U.S. in Major League Soccer, I was skeptical to say the least.

While I don’t believe per se, that Beckham’s signing will kill the league, I do believe that if this becomes a “Every team needs an expensive old dude” situation, it could spell doom for America’s soccer league.

Soccer is a niche sport in the U.S., and the presence of one or two European or South American stars in a game won’t change that over time. Especially older ones, who get more injuries and miss more games. People just aren’t going to continually go to games to see Beckham attempt a few free kicks. Or see if Ronaldo can waddle free for a shot on goal.

I always liked Beckham on the field and felt he got a bum rap and had bizarre expectations. He adds something to a team. But a lot of what he offered had to do with speed and hustle, and he has definitely lost a step. On the field, he changes nothing as far as the quality of competition of Major League Soccer.

Nonetheless, you know what, I applaud the move. What the hell, they pulled off a Massive deal. Beckham immediately becomes the second-biggest sports star in the U.S. after Tiger Woods. On the World stage, Becks is a big, big star.

MLS just needs to show discipline for this all to work, and keep expectations from getting too terribly high. By himself, Beckham is a great move that draws attention and money to the league. The problem is, like heroin, no one can stop with just one star. If we see Luis Figo lace them up for Real Salt Lake, we’ll know it was too much for MLS.

–WKW

You know, sometimes there’s nothing more a teenage boy wants than being abducted by a fat, bearded loser.

From The True Crime Blog:

“Well I don’t believe this kid did (enjoy school). And I think when it all comes down what’s going to happen is there was an element here that this kid liked about his circumstances… ”

Bill O’Reilly, discussing the recent Missouri kidnapping case with Greta Van Susteren.

Click here for the video. There’s plenty more where that came from. Basically, in a line, here’s O’Reilly’s point: The kid was asking for it.

You know, it’s times like these that I feel safe in my prediction that a chunk of the U.S. is only a few years from regressing back to actual witch hunting.

–WKW

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America is embolding the terrorists. He is, among other things, a terrorist-embolder of the highest degree. If Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki says it is so, then it is so. Until he’s replaced, I guess.

From the Washington Post:

The Iraqi government’s need for American troops would “dramatically go down” in three to six months if the United States accelerated the process of equipping and arming Iraq’s security forces, Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said Wednesday.

The head of Iraq’s Shiite Muslim-led government defended his country’s independence and sovereignty and called on U.S. leaders to show faith in his ability to lead.

Saddam Hussein was hanged Dec. 30, 2006, after an Iraqi tribunal found him guilty of crimes against humanity. Get background, photos and video about Hussein’s rise to power and ultimate fall.

Maliki disputed President Bush’s remarks broadcast Tuesday that the execution of former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein “looked like it was kind of a revenge killing” and took exception to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s Senate testimony last week that Maliki’s administration was on “borrowed time.”

The prime minister said statements such as Rice’s “give morale boosts for the terrorists and push them toward making an extra effort and making them believe they have defeated the American administration,” Maliki said. “But I can tell you that they have not defeated the Iraqi government.”

We need to find a way to un-embolden these terrorist bastards, that’s for sure. Maybe someone has written something on the subject? Ahh, screw it. Bombing them harder should bring victory.

–WKW

I once was at a NASCAR press conference where Jeff Gordon said he didn’t like the movie Zoolander very much - I never trusted him after that.

–WKW

One year after Stephen Colbert went and made George W. Bush and company feel uncomfortable by not sucking ass, event organizers for the White House Correspondents Association dinner decided to take things a little safer this year.

So they booked Rich Little for the entertainment.

Little has been entertaining Presidents since Jefferson, which, ironically was the last time he was funny.

From Editor & Publisher:

Following recent dinners that boasted the likes Colbert, Cedric the Entertainer and Jon Stewart, choosing Little, whose career dates back decades and whose humor is often milder than Colbert or Stewart, indicates a change in approach.

“My approach is to try to make it a comfortable venue that is enjoyable, funny and interesting,” said Steve Scully, president of the White House Correspondents Association, who chose Little. “But you don’t want to offend anyone.” He cited the slogan for the Washington Gridiron Dinner, which says, “singe, don’t burn.”

Ron Hutcheson, a McClatchy Newspapers reporter and former WHCA president who organized the 2005 dinner, said Colbert’s impact might have sparked a calmer choice this year, which he supported. “It is certainly a safe choice, which might be nice,” he said. “The single most difficult thing about the dinner is lining up entertainment. There is never much of a budget and I have found that coordinating their schedules with our schedules are difficult.”

Well, at least this year Bush won’t have anyone pulling him out of his box, and the journalists can enjoy some good clean entertainment featuring jokes about how hard it is to be rich. Wouldn’t want anyone pointing out the blood on everyone’s hands and the depth of their incompetence.

–WKW

After spending the better part of a decade destroying NFL defenses only to falter in the playoffs, this will be the year Peyton Manning takes the Indianapolis Colts to the Super Bowl. He has paid his dues, learned from his mistakes and is ready to lead his team to the promised land. It has to happen.

Because I’ll shit myself if I’ll have to yet again deal with a world where Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are Super Bowl champions. And I’m just about positive that if the Colts don’t beat them, the Saints or Bears won’t either.

I’ve just had enough of this “wow, they are a great team with no stars who play great together” adulation of the Patriots. Guess what, they’re all stars now. They’ve won three Super Bowls. People now not only know Tom Brady now, they also know Kevin Faulk.

It’ll all come down to Peyton, however. He has shown an annoying penchant for getting rattled in important games, especially against tough defenses. After 275 regular-season touchdown passes thus far in a remarkable career, is Manning ready to throw some when it counts.

Christ, I hope so. Colts, 38-35.

–WKW

It’s just January, yet I truly believe we already have a candidate for best headline of the year. From the Seti Institute:

“Uranus Has a Dark Spot”

Seems it’s the first time scientists have found a dark spot on Uranus. Lucky planet.

–WKW