William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

While quitting drinking was one of the top moves of my life, it really appears I didn’t get as much out of my days as a boozer as I could have. Because, you see, in today’s world, being a drunk means everything is just fine. Every act, no matter how heinous or creepy, can now be written off with some counseling, which, lo and behold, immediately takes care of the problem.

The latest in this band of idiots who have their PR people blaming the bottle is San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, who announced he will undergo and seek counseling for alcohol abuse, after being caught having an affair with his campaign manager’s wife.

Notice how the creepy and the press love using terms like “seek” and “undergo” when discussing alcohol problems. As though they are on a solemn quest. Just once I’d like to hear a politician say he needs to “dry out” after getting caught doing something illegal or immoral.

So, it appears that booze makes you bang your pal’s wife. What else does it do?

So remember, PR people: Blame everything on booze. Your client just get busted for raping antelope? Does he have the occasional glass of wine? Send him to rehab. Within two weeks he’ll be sober, cured, and a better all-around person.

As Homer Simpson so eloquently put: Alcohol - the cause of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.

–WKW

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 6th, 2007 at 4:17 am and is filed under Politics, Life and Such, media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.