We must murder all the pigs for World Peace

I always try to be the type to have some ideas of my own. Because I understand that sometimes all I do is snipe at the ideas of others, and that’s just foul play, man.

So, every now and again, I like to toss out an original idea, in hopes of creating a better world. Today, I was reading “Why Islam is Anti-American” at GorillaShushi.com, and an idea burst into my mind. An idea that would forever improve relations between the Middle East and the West, and would benefit both cultures.

We must kill all the pigs.

Yes, I call for a Swinocide, my friends. You see, Muslims see us in the West guzzling down bacon and ham and pork chops, and all these other fine pig products that they are not allowed to enjoy. Which is a pity, as pig products are magically delicious.

This leads to the problem for the West: We’re a bunch of fat asses. Sitting around all day, guzzling down bacon and ham and pork chops like there’s no tomorrow. It’s horrifying.

So what I propose is this: The West and Middle East will come together and slaughter every last pig. A complete annihilation.

The positives: For Muslims, no more temptation from having to follow some silly rule and no more having to watch the West shove it in their faces, helping to ease current mistrust issues. For the West, no more shoving pork in our faces, making us a society of people who don’t constantly fall to the ground clutching our chests.

The negatives: Nations and societies without any real pork fetishes will get the shaft on this one. Luaus will suck. Miss Piggy will become sort of creepy, and a reminder of our shared sin.

As you can see, this idea – based on a theory set forth by Patton Oswalt, where if the world could fight killer zombies, every non-zombie would get along much better – has far more positives and negatives and should be enacted immediately. Or, at very least, a non-binding resolution of general acknowledgment could be issued by Congress.

–WKW