William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Having recently begun a vast new project at WorldGolf.com - Golfer Supremacy-ipidia - I came to an important realization - this idea isn’t quite trite enough yet.

So that’s why we’re proud to introduce WilliamKWolfrum-ipidia. What we plan is that someday in the not-so-distant future, we’ll have posts on every human, animal and thing that helps make this world such a wonderful and happy place.

Today, in honor of the landmark decision “Hustler Magazine vs. Falwell” which occured 19 years ago today, we take a look at the life and work of Jerry Falwell.

WilliamKWolfrum-ipidia Presents: Jerry Falwell

Jerry Deborah Falwell was born on Aug. 11, 1933 in Lynchburgh, Virginia. His parents, Carey and Helen Falwell, were both born and raised in Jamaica, where Carey led a reggae band with Helen a well-known dancer.

Long interested in Gods, faeries and comic books, the young Falwell quickly chose religion as his life’s work. “There’s lots of money in it, you don’t have to lift anything, andface it, people are idiots,” Falwell reportedly told close friend Richard Simmons. “Seriously, look at this watch.”

Known for his conservative style, many have pointed to Falwell as the “voice, heart and soul” of the Republican party.

Falwell spent many of his early years taking advantage of liberal non-profit laws in order to scam followers out of their hard-earned money, it has been rumored.

In 1999, in his magazine National Liberty Journal Falwell accused the “Teletubbies” character “Tinky Winky” of being homosexual.

“I’ve sucked Tinky Winky’s dick, and let me tell you, no straight children’s performer would let that happen. So often,” Falwell is reported as saying.

A long-time terrorist sympathizer, Falwell has gone on record supporting Islamonaziterrorism, stating that the average American deserves to die in a surprise attack.

“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen,” Falwell actually said.

At 74 years of age, and likely to die soon due to a life of excess, Falwell continues to fight for the rights of terrorists everywhere. In his work to create a theoocratic United States, Falwell often speaks of Osama bin Laden.

“You know, Osam is Ok,” reportedly said Falwell while under the influence of crystal meth. “He’s misunderstood. But hey, he hates gays, women, pagans, and Americans. What’s so wrong with that?”

Falwell has recently come out to say that Christians needn’t be worried about Global warming, and should just spend their time judging others.

Tirelessly working to make the U.S. a communist, terrorist-run society, Falwell has often denied the charges that he lost his virginity to his mother, though associates say he always talks about how she has a “hot rack.”

–WKW

This entry was posted on Monday, February 26th, 2007 at 6:27 am and is filed under Life and Such, satire, Atheism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.