A few of my greatest hits from WorldGolf.com

I’ve been banging away at TravelGolf.com and WorldGolf.com for a while now, and have consistently produced three-to-five blogs a week. Which is no easy task, especially when you rarely get the chance to actually golf. Nonetheless, it’s a lot of fun.

So, for those of you unfamiliar with my work over there, here are some snippets from a few of my “greatest hits,” as it were:

Shroud of Turin golf towel: bring idol worship to your golf bag

“So, if you feel like rolling the dice on a potentially deal-breaking mortal sin, than the Shroud of Turin golf towel is for you. At very least, it should quickly become the single most studied artifact in the history of your golf bag.”

An open letter to Nike: Close the deal with my unborn golfing prodigy while you still can

“Think about that. What are you guys shelling out for Michelle Wie? It’s millions, right? Seems like a pretty big gamble to me. And right now, she’s not bringing a ton of glory your way, either. If you wait to make a deal with my child in 18 years, even for one event, it will likely cost you billions and billions of dollars.”

Like Michael J. Fox, the Golfer Supremacy Rankings are willing to fake it to get results

“Much like Limbaugh’s three wives did, we here at the Golfer Supremacy Rankings believe everything the hyper-ethical Limbaugh says and were astounded by the idea that Fox would fake the effects of his nightmarish illness for political purposes. Even if he ceased taking his medications, that would be a huge scandal. You think Rush would stop taking his pills for political gain? We think not.”

Two-year-old Brayden Bozak: The future of golf, and of human life itself

“My point is this, as a nation, we have around 400,000 little Brayden Bozaks sitting around in unused embryonic form. Normally, we just flush ‘em all, in keeping with the “Cut off the nose to spite the face” doctrine. But the loss of this many little, itty-bitty humans is an American tragedy, people. So please, let’s take a look at Slide 1, and see if you can follow me.”

“What we’re going to do is teach these little buggers to golf.”

Some facial hair options for Tiger Woods from “All About Beards”

“But while women must trod this earth beardless, many of them do have an affinity for the bearded male. My wife being one, though her interest in facial hair borders on fetishistic. Which means I’m currently in the beginning stages of growing a beard for her, because, as she made clear: It’s not like it costs anything (Translation: “You WILL grow a beard.”)”

Secret Service keeps Bill Clinton from golf-filled, rocket-exploding Las Vegas romp with porn star

President Bill Clinton had his rigid club with its long, hard shaft armed and ready. Porn star Sophia Rossi was nearby, waiting for that 18-inch rocket to fill her sky with explosives. Then two sexy, armed men in sunglasses showed up.

“We cannot have you shooting rockets at President Clinton,” a Secret Service agent told the party of Rossi, according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal.”

–WKW