William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

In the case of U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, President George W. Bush has a problem. He either must continue to defy to the call of all rational-thinking adults in the nation for Gonzales’ firing, or he must get rid of his human shield, and risk the possibility of having his own good name tarnished.

Gonzales’ recent testimonies were roughly as sincere as Jerry Falwell grudgingly admitting that, sure, God does hear the prayers of non-Christians. And just about as convincing. That Gonzales looks more and more like someone the mob would hire to clean up a crime scene, and less like the leading lawmaker is a problem that just isn’t going away.

For Bush, however, the answer to this problem exists:

Hire a Justice Czar.

Being as Gonzales has admitted being totally out of the loop when it came to many important Department of Justice functions, having someone actually in charge of the justice part of the department seems like a no-brainer solution.

Look at it this way: When faced with total chaos in the handling of all of America’s wars, the President - stuck with a Commander-in-Chief that was inept but wouldn’t quit and couldn’t be fired - went and hired a War Czar. Someone to Czar over the wars. It was a perfect solution. The job even came with its own bullseye.

Things would work exactly the same in the Department of Justice. Finally, the Attorney General will be freed from the exacting amount of legal work that come with being the AG, and then can focus on more important issues, like how to keep Republicans in office, and getting coffee for the big guy, and roughing up guys that are late on their payments.

As an added benefit, the new Justice Czar can announce a sweeping investigation, giving everyone involved the opportunity to again say their favorite line: “I just can’t talk about something when there’s an ongoing investigation.”

Justice Czar. It just feels right, doesn’t it?

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

This entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 3:17 am and is filed under Politics, satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.