Bloated Republican Party shot by boy, 11
WASHINGTON - The Republican Party, bloated by corruption, failure, ego and arrogance, was shot today by 11-year-old Jamison Stone in Alabama.
“It feels really good,” Jamison said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.”
Jamison said he shot the huge political party eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.
Witnesses say the GOP fought for its life until the very end, desperately trying to make deals with lobbyists and attempting to funnel lucrative government contracts to its pals.
“It really didn’t want to die,” said a witness. “It was bleeding pretty bad and staggering, but it was still trying to pass a tax cut for oil companies, when it just started wailing something about voter fraud and then dropped.”
In keeping with its will, the carcass of the GOP will be burned in front of starving families and its ashes blown into the eyes of minorities.
The GOP’s head is being mounted by Jerry Cunningham of Jerry’s Taxidermy
“It’s huge,” he said. “It’s just the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Friends and relatives of the GOP could not be reached for comment.
–WKW
May 29th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
My home state always gets in the news for things such as pig shootings. Makes me proud.
May 30th, 2007 at 7:23 am
I can´t help feeling bad for the hog and disliking the kid quite a bit.
June 2nd, 2007 at 11:40 pm
And now it’s all fake.
The republican party was raised as a pet. It played with the owner’s grandchildren and pet dog. It was feed sweat potatoes from cans. Then it was sold.
It followed the “hunters” into the woods, and the boy shot it point blank in the head. He killed the republican party with one shot, but then shot it 8 more times to make it look like a hunt.
How lovely. I wonder if the boy would get a thrill from shooting my pet goldfish?