The Democratic Candidates: An in-depth and mature look at the issues

July 7, 2007 by William K. Wolfrum 

As we inch closer to the 2008 Presidential election, it’s good to stay on top of where the candidates stand on a host of vital issues. Today, we’ll be taking an in-depth and mature look at the key Democratic candidates for President in the 2008 election. As we all know, competition is fierce as the Democratic hopefuls fight to represent the party. So here’s a look at the candidates and where they stand on the most important issues.

A Look at the Democratic Party Candidates

Barak Obama: Lithe and powerful, Obama is like the strong safety you build your defense around, and have a beer with after the game. Assured and erudite, his power is undeniable, both as a speaker, and as a man. Buff and handsome, he supports improving U.S. schools, and looks fantastic in jeans all the while remaining one tough cop.

John Edwards: With shoulders you can land a 737 on, Edwards is the rare breed of politician – a warrior to a fault, yet eager to help others not as blessed as he. Fighting poverty is a main issue for this titan of a pick-up-driving man, who has not only shown that he can stay married, but has consistently proven he can beat all comers at arm-wrestling.

Hillary Clinton: Rarely has one woman so captured the imagination of so many, with her combination of feminine beauty, and jaw-dropping power. The owner of ovaries that make all others weep with jealousy, Hillary is all woman. Clinton has serious street cred, and is a believer that ideology has no place in science and has proven time and time again, that if it came right down to it, she could kick Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s ass.

Bill Richardson: Smelling of Aqua Velva and his opponents’ failures, Richardson is in so many ways a throwback to times when men wandered the forest, killing things and fighting for the conch, such is his innate power. A supporter of legalized medical marijuana, Richardson has belt buckles bigger than Mitt Romney’s hair.

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We’ll be back next week, as we talk to the hair stylists, masseuses and Yoga instructors of such Repub leading men as Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Romney.

–WKW

Comments

One Response to “The Democratic Candidates: An in-depth and mature look at the issues”

  1. Miranda on July 7th, 2007 4:15 pm

    These descriptions sound like either descriptions for characters in the romance novels I read or movies where the announcer guy does the voiceovers. I have to question the claim about Hillary’s ‘all woman’ feminine beauty thing – she wears pants all the time. Not too feminine there.

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