New England Patriots to claim Executive Privilege in eavesdropping case

The New England Patriots, accused of stealing signals its blowout win over the New York Jets last weekend, will be using an obscure section of the Patriot Act to avoid being punished for what many around the NFL are calling “cheating.”

“Mainly, the signal stealing was about preventing an attack on our homeland,” said Patriots coach Bill Belichick. “I don’t think anyone, not even those that would gladly see our defenses destroyed, can complain about keeping Americans, and Tom Brady, safe.”

Patriots lawyers have said they will be using an obscure section of the Patriot Act, which states “Executive Privilege is to be used both for Presidents and Patriots in keeping the nation safe, especially in season-opening games.”

Lawyers representing the Patriots added that they were only eavesdropping on plays called outside the U.S., and that just because something is technically “illegal” doesn’t make it automatically ineffective. Nonetheless, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has said that he feels the Patriots violated league rules when they videotaped defensive signals by Jets’ coaches.

Still, Goodell was forced to admit that no terrorist attacks have occurred on American soil since the Patriots have begun winning Super Bowls.

“The last thing this commissioner wants is to appear soft on terror,” said a source close to the league. “Some times, for our own security, we have to accept the fact that Patriots are going to cheat and break some rules.”

–WKW