American citizens to build border fence between federal government, rest of U.S.

AMERICA — Having come to the irrevocable conclusion that the federal government has become a danger to every man, woman and child in the nation and the planet, U.S. citizens today announced a plan to build a border fence separating the federal government from the rest of the United States.

The fence will be an intricate design, and, when completed, shut off the White House, Congress, Department of Justice, Homeland Security, Supreme Court, and all other Federal offices. While some are considering the move radical, research reports over the past several years has shown that the U.S. federal government has armed terrorists, helped strengthen terrorist organizations, allowed Osama bin Laden to remain on the loose, stolen billions of dollars from U.S. citizens, and just generally been a nuisance.

“We’ve really seen enough,” said one high-ranking citizen official. “The government can go on trying to do whatever it is they’re doing, but it’s time the American people contain them once and for all.”

The border fence – which will use none of the haphazard techniques the federal government used on the fence on the U.S.-Mexican border — will be guarded by the family members of the nearly 4,000 troops killed thus far in Iraq and Afghanistan. Retired U.S. generals like Gen. Ricardo Sanchez and others will be in charge of supervising the effort.

Government officials were irate at the proposed plan and quickly attempted to speak out.

“We will not stand for such actions, which smack of communism and …, ” the official said before being cut off and locked in a closet.

Building of the fence will commence next month after bids are turned in by American companies to see which can do it quickest, most efficiently and at the least cost. One sticking point will be that many American companies have simply forgotten how to turn in bids on such projects.

“Basically, everything the government has done the past seven years has been on no-bid contracts,” said an American citizen. “So we’ll have to walk some of these companies through the process.”

While the project will be costly, many expect work to be done for free, and that there already are millions of volunteers showing up with shovels and pick-axes. Some citizens have shown up with flaming torches, but they were quietly sent away. Other money for the project will be collected via bake sales. Organizers have also asked those who were looking to donate to the 2008 Presidential campaign to instead donate to the fence project, instead of essentially just giving the money to big media conglomerates.

Organizers said they feel confident this is the right move, and quickly a “coalition of the willing” consisting of 173 other nations have announce their support.

“It’s really nothing personal,” said one U.S. citizen. “George W. Bush and the rest of the government can stay where they are, pass laws or not, and pretend they’re relevant. It’s just time we boxed them in completely, ignored them, and got on with the business of getting the United States back to being what the Founding Fathers wanted.

“Eventually, in fact,” the citizen continued. “Once the fence is complete, we hope for it to be a zoo-like structure where citizens can watch how a corrupt government works. You’ll be able to toss ‘bribes’ at them and such and watch them scurry about and be corrupt. It’ll be entertaining and educational.”

–WKW

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