Muslims need to be like Christians and stop taking religion so damned seriously
Much like International “Ass Pimple Awareness Weekend,” the infamous “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week” has taught us all numerous lessons. For one, now we officially know the spelling of “Islamo-Fascism.” It’s hyphenated, people. Here’s hoping the 2008 AP Stylebook reflects this.
Most importantly, what this week of hand-holding, parades and race-baiting has taught us is this: Muslims take their religion much too seriously.
Growing up a Catholic, I learned early on that my religion was something I did grudgingly on Sundays. It was not something to base my life on, or even really think about. It was something to get done on Sundays, preferably at the 10 a.m. mass, which Father Mayoni would blitz through in about 21 minutes, including sermon, because he was a big fan of the NFL.
As a Christian, I was taught many things, but thankfully never tested on any of it, because like everyone else, I barely paid attention and was much busier worrying about things like the girls that were attending mass, which sins I’d cop to in confession, and how I’d choke down the Eucharist.
In other words, I was the perfect example of a religious American.
This brings us to the big problem with Muslims - they take this shit really seriously. They pray every, single day. I think like five times. This is unheard of to the average American, who generally only prays when they need money, or they want their sports team to win. Rick Santorum put it best recently.
“Islam, unlike Christianity, is an all-encompassing ideology,” said Santorum. “It is not just something you do on Sunday…. We (as Americans) don’t get that.”
Plus, Muslims take their holy book literally. How crazy is that? They actually pay attention to all the rules, dress accordingly, eat accordingly, etc. Growing up a Catholic, that was just unheard of.
You see, the Bible is full of all sorts of nonsense that would really make your life miserable if you followed all the rules. Plus, the economy would just go to shit because everybody would be busy praying, trying to convert others and periodically giving all their shit away. Religion is fine, and all, but we have a gross national product to think of. The shellfish industry would tank if Christians in the U.S. took the Bible seriously. Plus there’d be stones and dead bodies everywhere. It’d be a true hassle.
In America, we only pay attention to the ancient words of our holy books when they have to do with homosexuality. Plus we all skim to the end and trip out on Revelations. Aside from that, we more or less pick and choose, as benefit the individual at any given moment. Because, really, all that “do not covet” nonsense is just inapplicable in a capitalistic society where the divorce rate is like 90 percent or whatever.
So much like “Ass Pimple Awareness Weekend,” has taught us all to avoid wearing a thong bikini during an outbreak, “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week” has taught us something important: Muslims just need to ease up already.
For our Muslim friends, the lesson is this: eat a ham sandwich, have a beer and smoke a cigarette already. Cut your praying down to once or twice a month, and go to church just enough to be able to brag to your friends about it.
Because, really, that’s what religion is all about - bragging about it. It’s when you start taking all the rules of religion seriously that all hell breaks loose. That’s what “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week” has taught us all - that Muslims need to stop taking their religion so damned seriously. Once they start doing that, then they’ll be perfected, like American Christians.
–WKW
October 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Arafat,
Your point is well taken. And you’re right about your assessment of the assumed homogenous nature of large groups.
But my guess is that, and I call it a guess mind you because I have not yet bothered to read Mr. Wolfrum’s article *cough*, Bill is criticizing fundamentalist Christians in the US for being phonies.
And basically your response is, “Hold on pal, Muslims can be every bit as phoney as Christians.” And I suppose you are correct.
But the instinctive urge for pointing out the blatant hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christians by us “liberals” is so strong and overwhelming, that ignoring the obvious hypocrisy of fundamentalist Muslims is the small logical fallacy we are willing to pay. It’s a sacrifice, but it must be done.