Report: Bush threatens to cancel New Year

WASHINGTON – Party goers were stunned to hear the news that President George W. Bush has announced that he will cancel New Years.

The cancellation would render millions of partiers discontent as they realize that they are not celebrating a new year.

Bush has said that he demands that all paperwork in the White House be destroyed, everyone he’s spoken to in the last decade be pardoned, and receive 325,000 shares of Halliburton stock, as well as a couple political appointees.

“It didn’t have to come to this,” said Bush from his ranch in Galveston, Connecticut. “But with investigations throttling government, I have to be clear, I will accept no alternatives to my demands.

The President added that it would also be the fault of the Democratic party when bookkeeping got all messed up. “Maybe you can call it, ‘the Second January of 2007, and so forth,” said White House Spokeswoman Dana Perrino.

So while there remains a good chance New Years will be canceled, word from insiders say that Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are quickly gathering Congress together for complete and utter capitulation.

We wish you all a Happy New Year, or, a Happy Second January of 2007.

–WKW

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