Rudy Giuliani threatens to blow up New York Stock Exchange

SHAKESVILLE — Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani, has threatened to blow up the New York Stock Exchange is he is not elected as the GOP nominee for the November election.

Giuliani, appearing tired ad sweaty and at outing in New Hampshire, Giuliani said he had the weapons in place to take down the revered financial institution.

“That’s what you do when you’re in charge of a place,” said Giuliani. “You make sure all your bases are covered.”

Giuliani said he’d never blow up the Stock Exchange if he loses the nomination, and that he wanted to use this as a message to Americans to see how easily terrorism can strike.

“I was there at 9/11. I saw the horror. And now I’ve got my finger on the button to blow up the New York Stock Exchange. What we’re showing here is that America is never safe, from anyone. Only by going this far can I show you dangerous the world is,” Giuliani said.

“So get me into office and this doesn’t have to happen. It was a grave day on 9/11. This doesn’t have to be another 9/11/. Or any other month. Like August.”

Reaction has been slow to come in, but fellow Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee said he “felt saddened” by Giuliani’s choice to use weapons of mass destruction, but that he understood Giuliani’s options in a sense, and felt he needed to “relook his stance on abortion.”

Fox News commentator Sean Hannity said that once again, Giuliani is showing his leadership.

“So you see any other candidates out there threatening to blow up vital financial institutions? No,” said Hannity. “Once again, Giuliani has proven to be a leader, and if we just get behind him on this plan, tragedy is averted. It’s really that simple.”

Wall Street insiders say the threat should make no impact on the stock market, where big threats are widely ignored or joked about.

Giuliani’s camp said that he has no interesting frightening anyone, but that The Mayor felt that people had “lost their edge” when it came to terrorism, and it would take an act – from a trusted national treasure like himself – to get the nation to see that terrorism is everywhere, and he’d be the President to fight it.

“How far will I go to save the country from terrorism?” asked Giuliani. “Far enough to commit an act of terrorism against it. That’s how far I’ll go.”

More as it develops …

–WKW

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