Meeting with Rudy Giuliani convinces Miami Dolphins they’ll win 2008 Super Bowl
MIAMI — After stumbling through a 1-15 season in 2007, the Miami Dolphins have announced that they will play in, and win Super Bowl XLII on Feb. 3 in Phoenix, Ariz.
The stunning announcement came after Dolphins officials emerged from a two-hour meeting with GOP Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani. The former mayor of New York has been campaigning almost exclusively in Florida, and Miami officials credit him for creating the plan that will make them Super Bowl champions.
“Wow, what Rudy said really made sense,” said the Dolphins’ new vice president of football operations, Bill Parcells. “He truly has a plan, and that plan doesn’t necessitate any success whatsoever in order to win the big one.”
Giuliani, a one-time favorite for the Republican nomination for the 2008 presidential election, has stumbled badly in the state primaries, though has insisted all along that his plan for victory is intact.
“It’s playing out the way we thought it would,” Giuliani said after polls showed that his one-time 33-point lead in his home state of New York is now a 12-point deficit.
Giuliani, who has based most of his campaign on Sept. 11 and terrorism issues, has received almost no support in recent primaries in Nevada, South Carolina and New Hampshire. And despite polls saying he is falling behind in Florida, Giuliani officials say the former mayor has his competition right where he wants them.
“This plan is brilliant in its simplicity and the competition is falling right into Rudy’s trap,” said Giuliani spokesman Sean Hannity. “Just because no one’s voting for you, doesn’t mean you can’t win spectacularly. Think about it.”
In a meeting with the Dolphins - who since the end of the 2007 regular season have replaced nearly their entire staff and brought in Parcells and new head coach Tony Sparano - Giuliani laid out his “secret plans” for how to win big without winning anything prior.
“It was a very productive meeting,” said Sparano. “Now that we see things through Giuliani’s eyes, we know we’re a shoe-in to win the upcoming Super Bowl.”
No mention was made on how exactly the Dolphins would win the Super Bowl, which is scheduled to pit the undefeated New England Patriots from the AFC and the underdog New York Giants from the NFC. Sources in the NFL have said that anyone with any affiliation to the Dolphins won’t even be allowed in the stadium on Super Bowl Sunday, partly as punishment for having such a miserable regular season.
“I’m not quite sure what the hell is going on in Miami,” said an NFL spokesperson. “Is there some sort of super-flu down there? Seriously, what’s up?”
Nonetheless, the Giuliani camp has remained firmly behind the Dolphins, and are saying that their fool-proof plan will most definitely lead to the third Super Bowl victory for the storied franchise.
“A lot of people may be confused that Rudy isn’t automatically backing the Giants, but he doesn’t roll that way,” said Hannity. “He’s a Jets’ fan and is a supporter of the AFC and the AFC only. He only wants the best for that conference and the country, and despite what the public feels, a Dolphins’ victory will be for the best.
“It’s all part of the big picture, and it’s all coming together,” added Hannity. “You’ll definitely be seeing Rudy elected President of the United States, just as you’ll be seeing the Miami Dolphins crowned Super Bowl Champions.”
–WKW