Statement by William K. Wolfrum: I denounce everything everyone has ever said, ever
This year, more than ever, being a Blogger is the most important job in the world, and I say this without a whit of hyperbole.
However, being a top-notch Blogger has many responsibilities. Such as, one must be entirely clean from even the whiff of scandalous statements. There is no way a blogger can get his or her message across if someone, somewhere said something that offended someone else, somewhere else.
That is why today, I, William K. Wolfrum, officially denounce everything everybody has ever said, anywhere, ever.
I take this action because my staff has informed that people can be offended by a wide range of comments from “The Pope is a Bastard” to “Hey Sally, good morning!”
That is why I felt it necessary to what’s now known as a “mass denunciation” of all comments ever made on this planet. Please note, I also denounce my use of the phrases “The Pope is a Bastard” and “Hey Sally, good morning!” and apologize for using them and hope people will see that I was just using them as an example.
In fact, let’s be honest, most the things I’ve written, said, and even thought throughout my life have been controversial and offensive, to say the least. I denounce all of it, effective immediately. I hope my self-denunciation shows how serious I am on this effort to distance myself from all things offensive so that the nation’s dialogue can continue.
I’d like to point out that I am firm in my denouncements. I am not in any way trying to sneak a secret message across to the media, where reporters or fellow bloggers could grab a statement from here and use it as something to denounce me for. My denouncement is all-encompassing, and done with complete and utter honesty, and, in fact, includes a complete denouncement of this Statement of Denouncement.
I hope this statement clears things up about my beliefs of the statements of others. Because during this time of great importance, it’s vital we are all able to focus on real issues, like Eliot Spitzer’s recent bust on prostitution charges.
Note: I also denounce my above usage of the words “prostitution” and “Spitzer.”
Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel in this matter.
–WKW
Crossposted at Shakesville
March 18th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I would like to also join in Bill’s denouncement of stuff that people have said. A blank check of denouncement, if you will, that should be used automatically by any potential adversary to preempt any statement that may in any way be somehow linked to me through any sundry means, rather that it be something I myself may have said or something anyone connected to me directly or indirectly by however many degrees of Kevin Bacon units may have said, thus mediating and declaring null and void said statement.
byw, Bill, on blessed occasion I stop at Jacks in the morning (Jacks is a fast food “restaurant” in this area) and I get the pleasure of watching Fox and Friends whilst enjoying a biscuit ’n gravy. Were you aware that it was Obama’s pastor that said the naughty stuff? Because if you were not aware of it, Fox and their friends (and it turns out that their friends are not friends at all, but rather what one might call candy-ass-sellout-pundit-suckups) would be happy to inform you of this fact over and over, stressing with great gusto the very close relationship between the man that didn’t say the bad stuff and the man that did. It was his pastor, Bill. His minister. His preacher. His own personal pastor where he had been a member for 20 years. DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! His pastor. His pastor…
But looking on the bright side, something like this was about the only way Fox news would ever admit on air that Obama attends a Christian Church and not a Mosque.