Can America really afford another American President?

In my more than two eons as an American, most of that time spent as a political pundit of some note, I have come to the conclusion that the last thing the U.S. needs is another American president. It is my opinion that at this point in U.S. history, having an actual American hold the U.S. presidency would be national suicide.

In fact, since the end of World War II, Americans have become increasingly incompetent as leaders of the U.S., leading us to the apex of incompetence – George W. Bush. This downward spiral shows no signs of stopping. While perhaps a Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton presidency could give the appearance of improvement, in the end it is my opinion that their innate Americanism will ultimately lead them to more foolish decisions that will continue the U.S. on its downhill spiral.

Things didn’t used to be this way. Great Americans such as George Washington, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson helped create a nation that was a grand experiment of democracy and freedom. Here is the kicker, however – none of them were “Americans” per se. They were born as “British Americans.”

You need to go all the way to the eighth President – Martin Van Buren – to have a U.S. president that was born a bona fide American. And what is Van Buren best known for? The Panic of 1837 and the creation of political parties in the U.S., neither of which did anyone any good, whatsoever.

If Van Buren showed us anything, it was that true Americans were inept when it came to leading the country. Since then, there have been basically two American Presidents – Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt that have been worth the paper of the monies of which they adorn – and even they have their detractors.

This year more than ever, with the presence of Clinton and Obama as potential candidates, much has been made that for more than 230 years, the U.S. Presidency has been the exclusive domain of white males. But that issue overlooks the fact that the majority of these white men were American. Therein lies the problem. Because Americans are hamstrung by several factors, including:

1) The inability to refer to the U.S. as anything other thatn “The Greatest Country in the World.”

2) A firm belief that diplomacy can only be conducted with cruise missiles and tanks.

3) An inability to conceive that any culture could be happy or strong if they aren’t modeled after, or run by proxy by the United States, and

4) A complete ignorance of actual American, and world history.
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Hey everyone, the new sins are out!

Hey, kids, gather around! The Vatican has come up with some more stuff we can’t do!

Vatican lists new hip, modern sins

The Vatican has unveiled some new sins for the 21st Century, such as genetic manipulation, pollution and social injustice.

Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican’s number-two official for sins and penance, told L’Osservatore Romano that he saw bioethics as posing the greatest risks for the human soul.

“(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control,” he told the Vatican’s official newspaper on Sunday in an interview headlined “New Forms of Social Sin.”

The Roman Catholic Church has previously spoken out against stem cell research that requires the destruction of human embryos, believing that life begins at conception.

Girotti also attacked drugs, saying they “weaken the mind and obscure intelligence.”

On the growing gap between rich and poor, he said it causes “an unbearable social injustice.”

Pope Benedict has made several strong statements on the environment in recent months, saying problems like climate change had become critical to humanity’s future.

Catholicism has two basic types of sin: Venial, which are relatively less important and forgivable, and mortal. Those can include acts like abortion and murder, although the church doesn’t keep a well-defined list.

Mortal sins can cause a person to go to Hell unless confessed to a priest, who then absolves the sinner in God’s name.

First of all, I’m shocked there’s nothing about piercings, tattoos, or wearing jeans too low, because those things really seem to piss off older folks like archbishops and popes. But, anyway, let’s review:

“(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control,”

Ok, this one is cool because most of us aren’t scientists, and scientists themselves don’t believe this stuff anyway. Plus they don’t say anything about being “cured” from stem cells or anything like that. You see, the Pope is a lot like that lady from PETA who uses insulin while denouncing all use of animals for medical purposes. They talk a good game, but when they’re sick, they just want a cure and don’t care if it came from baby tears.

Girotti also attacked drugs, saying they “weaken the mind and obscure intelligence.”

Well, duh. We wouldn’t expect someone like Girotti to understand the soothing elements of mind-weakening and intelligence-obscuring, anyway. Now go back and enjoy your wine, Archbishop.

On the growing gap between rich and poor, he said it causes “an unbearable social injustice.”

Wouldn’t it just rock to see the Pope show up somewhere with a Che Guevara, shirt? I mean, he’d be a total poser, but it would be cool.

Pope Benedict has made several strong statements on the environment in recent months, saying problems like climate change had become critical to humanity’s future.

Quick, someone call Captain Ed and the folks at National Review Online! Al Gore has gotten to the Pope!

I just love the end of the article though:

Catholicism has two basic types of sin: Venial, which are relatively less important and forgivable, and mortal. Those can include acts like abortion and murder, although the church doesn’t keep a well-defined list.>

Mortal sins can cause a person to go to Hell unless confessed to a priest, who then absolves the sinner in God’s name.

Damn, when you see this stuff actually written down, you really see the ridiculousness of it, don’t you. I wonder if you commit a mortal sin, and then confess it to a priest who just molested a small child, you’ll still be free from Hell (always capitalize “Hell”).

Anyway, what it all comes down to this: tithe, you heathens, tithe!!

–WKW

Hot GOP porn: When Karl took the Maverick

John walked pensively down the hallway. He was just steps away from the man who had ruined his life. The man who had defeated him every way imaginable just eight years prior. And now he was going to a shady hotel room to meet with him alone. He shuddered. He was afraid, make no mistake, but he was oddly aroused as well.

Karl opened the door and looked past John, as if he didn’t exist. “Come in, John,” he said.

John walked into the seedy room. The smell of Aqua Velva and sulfur was in the air. He walked to the center of the room and began to turn to speak. But Karl was there with preternatural quickness, his breath searing into John’s melanoma.

“Now is not the time to speak, John. Now is the time for action,” Karl said, running his hand through John’s gray locks. “You need me John. After everything I’ve done. After every insult, every dirty trick, you need me.”

John quivered. He knew Karl was right. In 2000, he was a respected politician, a man who had bipartisan support like few Republicans ever imagined. But Karl had bested him, and savagely. Karl had convinced the right people that John had interracial dalliances that led to the adoption of a dark-skinned child. John never bounced back, never even tried, really. He had been mastered.

Since then, he had wandered about in a fog, accepting the loss of the primary and his integrity. He had subserviently done all that was told of him since then. He had backed the President in his every effort, no matter how moronic or how much it defied his natural instincts. Sure, he had kept up the charade in public, but he knew he was no match for Karl, and he would never dare to offend him.

Karl roughly turned John around so that now the two men were facing. ” Look at me, look into my eyes.” John complied, his eyes wide and accepting. “You’ve wanted me for years, John. You know I can get you where you want to be. You know I can either make or break you. So what will it be Johnny-boy? Make? Or Break?

John could not take his eyes away from Karl’s. The moment of truth had arrived. He knew that this man was his only chance, the one who could turn his weaknesses into strengths, the one who could slay his enemies. But he was still frightened, and his voice crackled as he said “Make.”

Karl sneered. “Say it again,” he said forcefully.

“Make,” said John, now eager for approval from the man who had once ruined him.

Karl smiled. He believed in his heart that he could mold John into whatever he wanted now. He owned him. His hands pushed down on John’s shoulders powerfully, and John complied.

“Now kneel, Maverick,” said Karl.

…

When it was over, John, still kneeling, had his head hung in shame. He knew he should feel wrong, but his ability to tell right from wrong had been horribly skewed these past eight years. In a way … it felt right.

Karl sensed John’s confusion and smiled as he zipped up his pants and tucked in his shirt. With one finger he tilted John’s head forward. “Look at me,” he commanded. John, his days as a man of strength now far behind him, did as he was directed.
“You just do what I say now, and everything will be okay, John. But don’t defy me. Don’t you ever defy me.”

John was transfixed by Karl’s stare. He started to wipe his face but was quickly cut off.

“Leave it,” said Karl, his assured tone forcing John again into submission. “I like it that way. Now watch Fox News tonight. I’ll be on with Chris Wallace. And you’ll get your prize for being such a good boy.”

Karl left the room. John stayed in his kneeling position, unable to move. Then he finally smiled. And the smile turned to gales of laughter as he realized that it just might happen. He could be President of the United States. At 71 years of age, kneeling in a dirty hotel room, he finally felt secure and safe. He was now Karl Rove’s boy.

–WKW

New $3 bill introduced

–WKW

I’m proud to be an American

You know, being a political junkie has its down sides. It’s an addiction that really requires that you open up the door and walk outside so you can see for yourself that the sky is not in fact following.

As mentioned before (and will be mentioned again) I’m in the United States these days while my mother is fighting her battle with leukemia. Currently I’m working with the National Marrow Donor Program, putting together a donor drive which will be held on March 29, in Victorville, Calif. For the briefest of updates, my mom is doing well right now, and her attitude and demeanor are otherworldly. She’s an amazing woman.

My Mom is also a perfect example of an American. Because being here and being away a bit more from the sordid world of U.S. politics and all the hellishness that entails, I’ve come to feel the great need to put this in print, lest their be any doubt:

Americans are really good people.

Now this is a non-political post. Whatever side of the fence people are on is of no matter. And while bad things happen and evil people do exist in the U.S., this is a nation of 300 million. And the vast majority of them are very good people indeed.

Getting reacquainted with the U.S. and looking at Americans, here’s what I’ve seen:

Americans are quick to smile and be kind to strangers.

Americans are hard-working and family-oriented.

Americans are funny and love to make others laugh or smile.

Americans are generous with both time aand money to causes they believe in.

Americans are polite to strangers.

Americans are helpful and carrying.

Americans are good people.

And think about those in the military and those that have signed up, even today. Once again, your opinion of the wars the U.S. is engaged in is not the issue. The issue is the incredible amount of men and women that volunteer for armed service, even full well knowing they will likely be put into combat sooner or later. And the vast majority of them do so because they believe it is their duty to do what they can to keep Americans safe. All politics aside, those in the military are remarkable people.

I very well may end up living the rest of life as a resident of Brazil or another country, but I’m proud to be an American. And I will keep being a voice in the void shouting out whenever I see things I feel are wrong with how my nation is governed or other things I feel are wrong. And I do so because I was taught I should. I was taught freedom of speech is our most valuable right.

I once wrote an essay here titled “We the People are Murderers.” My point was, and still is that Americans need to regain control of its government, and that the actions of the State are therefore the actions of the people. I don’t back down from that one bit, but being around more Americans for awhile does give me more hope for our nation’s future.

Drats. I’m afraid it’s really difficult for the political junkie in me to stay quiet. But my intent for this piece remains the same.

We the People are very good people, indeed.

–WKW

OMG, Lisa Marie Presley is a fatty!! No, check that, he’s just pregnant. That’s legit

The world was shaken to its very core last week when gossip-mongers around the world pounced on pictures of Lisa Marie Presley looking overweight.

HER father fought and lost a long battle with the bulge, now Elvis Presley’s daughter Lisa Marie appears locked in a similar struggle.

The once-svelte 40-year-old was seen devouring her lunch at Hollywood food market The Grove at the weekend, Britain’s Daily Mail reports.

Dressed in a baggy tracksuit top and loose trousers, she sat hunched over her meal – a curry on a polystyrene plate.

It was a stark contrast to the slim figure she cut three years ago when she bore a striking resemblance to her mother, the trim actress Priscilla.

And not only was she looking overweight, she was also EATING. While HUNCHING. As you all know, eating is the No. 1 cause of obesity on the planet, and fat people should avoid it whenever possible and focus primarily on exercise and hiding from cameras.

Luckily, however, it appears that Lisa Marie will not be forced into a life of pill-popping self-loathing, because it turns out she’s just pregnant. Not Fat.

Presley admitted so on her MySpace Blog:

After being the target all week of slanderous and degrading stories, horribly manipulated pictures and articles in the media, I have had to show my cards and announce under the gun and under vicious personal attack that I am in fact pregnant.

Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight. Starting with a London publication and then New York and Chicago all writing false defamatory degrading stories about all of the dark possible reasons I could be putting on weight. The US tabloids have been calling all day wanting confirmation on all kinds of insane theories.

They couldn’t wait to find out if my weight gain was because I was just overeating, in which case It would be open season and they can do the old following in her fathers sad and unfortunate demise story again or less interesting for them and probably much to their dismay, I could just be pregnant and therefore have a legitimate reason for weight gain at which point they should probably wipe the saliva off of their fangs and put them back in their mouths or they may expose the black little souls that they are.

So there you have it, Lisa Marie Presley is not the victim of illegitimate weight gain. Lisa Marie has gained weight in one of the only two ways that is legitimate, by being pregnant. The other legitimate reason for gaining weight is for a movie role, like Rene Zellweger in the “Bridget Jones” movies. But then it is only legit if you quickly lose all the weight you gained, plus 10 percent more. Any other weight gain is out of bounds and reason for public ridicule, especially if you wear baggy clothing and have a trim mom.

So folks, relax. Lisa Marie is not fat, she’s just pregnant. And she’ll be given the required two weeks after having the baby to show up at an awards show in a tight outfit to once again prove to the world that she’s not an embarrassing fatty.

–WKW

Crossposted at Shakesville

The Comments are back! The Comments are Back!!

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that WilliamKWolfrum.com now features the state-of-the-art blog accessory of allowing comments! This is really exciting for all of us here, and we promise to now blog more at this site.

So comment away. I just may comment back. After all, you know you seek my approval and love. And if you comment, you may just get it. Probably not, but you won’t know unless you try!

Regards,

Bill.

P.S. Thanks, Gene.

Fox News reports, decides who will win vital 2008 Alpha Dog Election

–WKW

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