Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “My new book ‘I am a Huge Douchenozzle’ is full of lies and written by a disgruntled jerk”
When you’re a popular blogger like myself, you have little choice but to surround yourself with people. Obviously, you look for people you can trust. The one place I didn’t look for trust, however, was in the mirror.
You see, my friends, I knew all along that I was not someone who could be trusted. I knew if some fancy publisher came along and offered me big money, not only would I jump on it, but I would invent things about myself out of whole cloth. That is why I must state, unequivocally that:
I am a lying disloyal, traitorous turncoat.
It wounds me to say these things about myself. Over the years, I’ve grown quite fond of me, and I share many great memories of the time I’ve spent with myself. But upon hearing about the exclusive excerpts of “I am a Huge Douchenozzle” by William K. Wolfrum, I realized that I don’t know myself at all.
Now, I have not read the excerpts in question, but my advisors have said that they are filled with libelous half-truths, fabrications, and vindictiveness. Let there be no doubt that I am not a man to be trusted and should you read an autobiography of me, by me, well, just know that truth will not be a main part of the book.
I choose not to address any of the issues brought up in “Douchenozzle” because that would just be giving credence to my ridiculous and stupid claims. But just let me say this, I will not take these allegations lightly, and I will not rest until the truth is out there.
I have proven to be a lying alcoholic that has done little more than ride the coattails of such successful bloggers as Melissa McEwan and Mustang Bobby. On my own, I am a complete and utter failure. That is why the idea that I would write a “tell all” autobiography about myself is so ridiculous. I was very likely much too drunk for many years to even remember enough information about myself to write a book about myself.
Put simply, “Douchenozzle” is a money grab, plain and simple. And while I haven’t read any of it, you have my word that none of it is true, and that I am a complete sleazebag for writing any of it.
In a way, I blame myself for allowing myself to get so close to myself. But I must take responsibility for my own actions, so really, the blame lies with the author. I trust that I will soon be discredited, and the truth will come forth.
Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel in this matter.
–WKW
May 30th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
And my question would be, If you knew these things all along about yourself, why did you wait all this time and come out with it now, in the middle of an election year? Why not speak up earlier?