Child, 6, sent out to sea for anti-Patriotic leanings

NEW YORK – It was two weeks ago that six-year-old Emily Plangen was out in her front yard in Brooklyn, N.Y., playing with some neighbor children. Little did she know they would be her last moments as an American.

The State Department last night deported Plangen for anti-Patriotic feelings as well as for being a danger to national security.

“It’s important we stamp out these threats immediately,” said a State Department official. “While Plangen may be young, her radical ideas threaten to bring down this nation. Patriotism is not a choice.”

While there is some confusion as to what exactly happened on the porch last Thursday, a passing postal carrier said he overheard Plangen’s radical remarks.

“There was like, three boys and two girls on the porch,” said the postal carrier who refused to be identified. “The boys started saying that they were patriotic and would kill anyone who tried to hurt the U.S. Plangen responded by saying ‘Well, I’m not a patriot.’ I have it on tape.”

Plangen, a liberal democrat who some have said has received training in Afghanistan with al Qaeda, would not respond to questions. Plangen’s step-father, Ralph Richards said the girl was “in her room crying.”

“She’s really a sweet kid most of the time,” said Richards. “She just doesn’t understand what it takes to care about her country. I fully support this decision.”

Being that young Plangen is originally from the U.S., she will not be sent to a foreign country, rather she will be given a boarding pass for one of the United States’ floating prisons.

“It’ll be like a cruise for her, a cruise with other terrorists,” said the State Department official.

With the Presidential campaign in full swing, both Barack Obama and John McCain were asked about the Plangen situation.

“I was a prisoner of war,” said McCain, munching on a sprinkled donut made to look like an American flag. “I didn’t make propaganda videos in Vietnam so some little girl could disrespect America.”

“The case of young Miss Plangen shows all that is wrong in our country,” said Obama, sporting an American flag pin on his lapel. “We are taking a young girl away from her family based on hearsay and it’s not right. Being a patriot myself, however, I think it would be wrong of me to do or say anything more about this situation.”

It is unclear if an when Plangen will be allowed to return to the U.S. Noting a recent Supreme Court decision, White House officials have said there has been no ruling regarding someone so young, and no rulings on “preemptive deportation of potential terrorists and enemy combatants.”

“Oh, when they were dragging her out of the house, you could just see the evilness inside her,” said Richards, wearing an American flag lapel pin. “She was hitting the Feds and screaming. The terrorists have gotten to her somehow. It’s hard to believe because we’re extremely patriotic in this household. We’ll miss Emily, but I can’t imagine having a step-child who has been accused of being anti-patriotic.”

–WKW

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