Josh Hamilton’s Home Run Derby failure a huge victory for Atheists
Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers had captured baseball’s imagination at the Major League Baseball Home Run Derby. Hamilton had lived up to the grandiose setting at what will be the final All-Star game and season for Yankee Stadium. By hitting 28 home runs in a single round, Hamilton obliterated the previous record, and thrilled fans with three home runs of more than 500 feet and several other tape-measure jobs.
Afterward, Hamilton - who has credited Jesus Christ for his return from drug addiction - thanked Jesus and spoke of his many blessings.
“It’s bad night for Atheists,” ESPN announcer Rick Reilly said.* **
And so it was. Christ had led Hamilton to a great triumph. Atheists throughout the lands felt the sting of this blow. It was unexpected. Jesus had seemingly shied away from Major League Baseball due to it haphazard handling of the steroids epidemic. But he was back, filling Hamilton’s muscular, tattooed arms (that he truly regrets) and bat with Christpower that emblazoned across the land and then across the land yet again, a truly impressive feat. Christ stood victorious. Atheists were in ruins, such is our unquenchable hatred for Christ and all things his miserable hands would touch.
And then, after his 28-home run round, Hamilton failed to hit a home run to win some guy a truck. Atheists stirred, still wounded from the loss at the majestic hands of Jesus Christ, but somewhat awoken.
And the Hamilton came apart in the final round, hitting only three home runs before making 10 outs. That made Minnesota Twins’ star Justin Morneau - who had already hit five in his round - the winner. Christ had won the battle but lost the war. Like the big failure that he is, thought Atheists around the globe.
It was a good night for Atheists.
*Seriously, he said that.
**Thanks to Shaker cy for making me aware it was Reilly.
–WKW
July 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
[…] Twins first baseman Justin Morneau (the kids call him “Justin Morneau”) won the home run derby last night, which isn’t as much fun since everyone stopped with the steroids. But the big news is that Morneau’s win was evidently a triumph of atheism over Christianity. Hey, it’s not the atheists’ fault that the Christians were celebrating victory prematurely, and declaring Josh Hamilton’s strong showing in the penultimate round meant “a bad night for atheists.” Unfortunately, penultimate means second-to-last, and Morneausie had just enough oomph to win. And in honor of Morneau, I give you a bit of Canada: […]
July 15th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Atheists don’t even believe in baseball, from what I understand.
July 16th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Not the way it’s played these days, that’s for sure.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
It’s not the baseball of my youth. I recall when 40 home runs was a hell of a year.
July 17th, 2008 at 10:55 am
It’s not that I want to gloat, because I don’t and I’m not. Whether Josh Hamilton won or lost the Home run Derby is not the issue, for he surely lost, The issue is that Jesus Christ’ name was exulted before the world, and maybe just one or two people who are going through what Josh did with drug addiction heard and saw the whole thing and took away some real hope for a new start. It wasn’t a “lousy night for atheist”, it was just a great night for a young man who’s back and a story of true redemption and hope.