Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “I have serious Alaska cred – conservatives must show me the respect I deserve”

“My friends, from the behind the fishbowl in which I view world events, let me say I applaud Senator John McCain for selecting Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as vice-presidential nominee. The outpouring of support for Palin has been fantastic. More importantly, however, the focus on her experiences as an Alaskan have been a wonderful development for myself.

So I now state this unequivocally: As someone with rock-solid Alaskan cred, it is time for conservatives to give me the respect, honor, and outright love that I so rightly deserve.

You see, friends, when I was but a lad of 21, I made the bold decision to leave my comfortable existence in Southern California to start a new life in Alaska. My experiences in Alaska were wide and varied:

The first winter I spent in Alaska was in 1988 and was the coldest the state had experienced in a generation with temperatures reaching 40-below zero.

I was a bouncer and bartender on Anchorage’s famed 4th Avenue. I worked both at the Gaslight Lounge, and the 515 Club, working with legendary bartenders like Steve Cook and Jiggs.

I traveled throughout the state of Alaska as a carny. Yes, I have spent time in Wasilla. Time enough (about two days) to experience all the town has to offer.

Like Sarah Palin’s husband Todd, I have been a commercial fisherman, and have spent more than 400 days at sea. I have spent time in Dutch Harbor and Unalaska and have even made a trip to a military base on the Aleutian chain to drop off an injured co-worker. I have killed fish by the million. And I have visible scars on my face and knee to always remind me of my time as a valued crew member on such vessels as the Alaska Pioneer.

I have fished for halibut in Kenai and for salmon in the Copper Valley. I was involved in a rescue attempt of a downed plane in Skagway. I have read the newspaper outside in Fairbanks by the light of the midnight sun. I have drank at the Red Dog Saloon in Juneau, the Salty Dawg Saloon in Homer and Chilkoot Charlie’s in Anchorage. I have spent time on the island of Kodiak. I have dated someone from Tuntutuliak (which is right down the river from Eek).

I have eaten caribou and seen wolves and moose within 20 feet on the streets of Anchorage. (I admit that I never hunted or shot a moose, but I have killed dear and antelope in Wyoming, so please take that into account).

It is time I get my just due from the right wing. It is time they come to me and acknowledge my rugged individualism, my experience and maverickishness. Because if being from Alaska is enough reason to elect someone as vice president, then it is more than enough reason to praise a liberal blogger. I await your admissions of awe and respect.

Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel in this matter.”

–WKW

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