Breaking: George W. Bush demands you hand over all your money
September 20, 2008 by William K. Wolfrum
WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush has demanded all citizens of the United States hand over all their cash or face nuclear destruction.
“I will not blink, I will not be dissuaded. Hand over the fucking money, douchebags!” said a drunk and disheveled Bush on the White House lawn at hastily organized news conference at 4 a.m. Sunday morning. “You do not want my response to come in the form of a mushroom cloud, do you?!”"
Bush, who has been forced to miss valuable vacation time due to the recent near-collapse of the American financial system, made it clear that he expected his demands to be met immediately.
“This is not the time for debate, it is the time for action,” said Bush before turning his diatribe against NBC News Chief White House Correspondent David Gregory. “David, put your fucking hand down and just give me your fucking money! Does it look like I’m taking questions?”
Vice-President Dick Cheney released a statement soon after Bush’s press conference.
“President Bush is a dear friend of mine and has been under a great deal of stress with the financial problems the country has recently experienced,” said the statement. “That said, I’d just do what he says and send in your money. Now.”
Reached for comment, noted neo-conservative William Kristol said that Bush’s demands will only benefit Republicans in the upcoming election.
“This is what Americans want to see,” said Kristol. “They want Republicans to be totally above the law and be masculine leaders. This will really bode well for John McCain. Americans want a no-nonsense type of leader, they don’t want someone thinking about things, they want someone who will get things done.”
Bush spoke of several other of his concerns during the press conference, including his legacy as the nation’s 43rd President.
“History will be my judge,” said Bush, who was brandishing a steak knife throughout his often-rambling 190-minute speech. “But I’ll tell you what, I’ll bring history to a fucking end right now if you don’t hand over your money.”
In a hurried Democratic response, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi urged calm in the face of the new developments and said that Democrats are eager to negotiate with Bush on his new economic plan.
“President Bush has once again walked all over the U.S. Constitution by demanding that all citizens hand over all their cash,” said Pelosi. “We will try and conduct non-partisan meetings to negotiate Bush’s new financial strategy, but let me say right now – Impeachment is off the table.”
–WKW
lolz.
sounds like a Sunday morning coming down.
Do you think he’ll take a post-dated check? For when history validates his legacy?
And is that pic his Bushism of ‘thumbs up’, or tricky Dick’s final ‘v for victory’?
luv yer stuff, WKW, lotsa laffs
;-}
Well, he picked the wrong week for it. My car needed tires & brakes, I got nothin’.
(Psst. Dgun. How bout that coffee?)
Proud2bHumble: Thanks
Hey, being I have the majority of my readers here, most likely this week I will have a new design up for this site. After you see it, please be brutally honest with me about the pros and cons of it. I like it and it should add more content, but I do have minor concerns about navigatability (sic). Overall, the guy working on it for me is really making it look good and I think it shouldbe a good thing.
Am I in it?
New design is always a good thing.
Will there be snacks?
Am I in it?
You know, I was looking for someone to play you in the upcoming new design, but hey, if you want to play yourself, I’m all for it.
Will there be snacks?
Hmmm, hadn’t thought about that. Maybe some Bob Beard Squeezins?
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm……designer snacks and Jennifer….mmmmmmmmm
I pretemporaneously give it a 10/10
;-}
Oh, that settles it. I’m definitely playing myself.
Wait. You know what I mean.
Hey Jennifer, I just made a fresh pot. It’s in the study where Bill hatches all his evil liberal doings.
Ooooh. Evil Liberal Doings. My favorite.
*Grabs trusty purple mug & heads for study*
Speaking of George W. Bush:
George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism (indicated in my blog).
George W. Bush did in fact commit innumerable hate crimes.
And I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed other hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention.
Many people know what Bush did.
And many people will know what Bush did—even to the end of the world.
Bush was absolute evil.
Bush is now like a fugitive from justice.
Bush is a psychological prisoner.
Bush has a lot to worry about.
Bush can technically be prosecuted for hate crimes at any time.
In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.
Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993
“GEORGE W. BUSH IS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN U.S. HISTORY” BLOG OF ANDREW YU-JEN WANG
______________________
I am not sure where I had read it before, but anyway, it is a linguistically excellent statement, and it goes kind of like this: “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memories so they never got stale and faded.” Oh wait—off the top of my head—I think the quotation came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.