Large Hadron Collider fails to wipe George W. Bush’s legacy from history

WASHINGTON – The Bush Administration suffered a huge setback today, as the Large Hadron Collider was forced to shut down due to damage.

“It’s too early to say precisely what happened, but it seems to be a faulty electrical connection between two magnets that stopped superconducting, melted and led to a mechanical failure and let the helium out,” said James Gillies, spokesman for Cern, the European Organization for Nuclear Research.

The failure of the Collider dealt a blow to the legacy of George W. Bush. While steering the United States into two wars, less civil liberties and a complete economic meltdown, Bush has long said that history would be his judge. And according to a senior White House source, the Large Hadron Collider was to play a part.

“We really believed in the Large Hadron Collider,” said the source. “George W. Bush and his administration were one black hole away from getting away with it all free as a bird. We’re still holding out hope that the world will end, but the LHC was our best and easiest shot and making history moot.”

Despite the disappointment, Bush has continued making remarkable progress in his overall “Starve the Beast” platform. The recent massive bailout of Wall Street should do quite a bit in the Bush Administration’s efforts to wipe out all social programs in the United States.

“We’re not going to stop our fight against history,” said the White House source. “If we can’t eliminate history completely, we’ll do what we can to keep Americans from being able to read history books.”

–WKW

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