After eliminating Gay marriage rights, evangelicals plan to take away rights of Blacks to pee, Latinos to procreate, Muslims to live

SALT LAKE CITY — Flush with the confidence that can only come when you’ve run a campaign to take away someone’s rights as a human being, leading American Evangelicals are looking at other ways to change California’s Constitution to take away the rights of Blacks to use public restrooms, the rights of Latinos to procreate, and the rights of Muslims to live, sources say.

The new strategy apparently goes hand-in-hand with Evangelicals’ hard work to pass Proposition 8 in California, which will eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry. While most Californians had preferred to vote no on the controversial proposition which would make a Constitutional amendment that removes the rights of anyone who doesn’t conform to “straight” marriage, a recent push by the Church of Latter-Day Saints and other Christians has gained more traction, leaving Evangelicals confident in a victory.

“Gay marriage destroys the real meaning of marriage,” said singer Marie Osmond. “Gay marriage has already destroyed my first two marriages. We can’t allow more victims like myself and my ex-husbands.”

In a memo passed down by evangelical leaders, the Rights Elimination Unit of the American Evangelical Movement will soon be looking to further appease their Gods by working to take away certain rights of African-Americans, Latinos and Muslims.

“We’re just steps away from showing the gays that they have a choice to make, be gay or be human,” said conservative columnist Orson Scott Card. “And after this, we’ll be going after all the other unnatural things going on in California. To me, this is like Ender’s Game becoming a reality.”

Should Proposition 8 pass, Evangelicals have a plethora of rights they want to take away from California citizens, including – the rights of African-Americans to use the restroom outside of their home, the rights of Latinos to procreate, and the rights of Muslims to live.

“We’re starting slow and building up to a crescendo,” said Card. “If we don’t protect Californian society, who will?”

The new Propositions Evangelicals plan on actively pursuing in 2010:

• Californians for Clean Water Initiative. Constitutional Amendment: Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of African-Americans to urinate or defecate outside of their own homes. Provides that only non-African-Americans will be allowed to use public restrooms.

  “This is important for just so many reasons,” said Evergreen International chairman Larry Richman. “The rights of non-African-Americans to use public restrooms without having to be near African-Americans have never been protected. More than anything, this is about freedom.”

• Save the Blessed Children Initiative. Constitutional Amendment: Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of Latino, Hispanics, and/or Mexicans to procreate. Provides that only children conceived between a non-Latino, Hispanic, and/or Mexican will be recognized in California.

  “No one is saying that Latinos can’t have children,” said NFL representative Miles McPherson. “But California has so many problems with immigration, this is a step that needs to be taken. If Latinos want to have children, they can go back to Mexico. How hard is that? They still have the freedom to chose.”

• Kill the Muslims Initiative. Constitutional Amendment: Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of Muslims to live. Provides that only the killing of non-Muslims will be considered Murder and that the killing of a Muslim will be treated the same as the killing of a small bug or a plant.

  “We’re not even going to have to campaign for this one,” said skateboarder Brian Sumner. “It’s just a no-brainer during these terrifying times. Muslims have a right to live, just not in California. It’s a matter of choice.”

While some may feel that supporters of taking away individuals rights to marry as they choose are celebrating too early, Republican Presidential nominee John McCain – a supporter of Proposition 8 – said he sees victory as a sure thing.

“We know that real Americans don’t take for the gay stuff of those ones,” said McCain. “I spent more than five years in a Vietnam prison camp to protect the freedom of American evangelicals to take away the freedoms of these pretend Americans. Once I win the Presidency, it’s important that we adhere to Federalist beliefs, and let American evangelicals decide who deserves the freedoms this nation guarantees.”



–WKW

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