Dear Barack Obama: Can we start killing Conservatives, aborting full-term babies and acting like communist Islamofascists yet?

November 3, 2008 by  

Conservatives, come tomorrow, you are all going to die and The United States of America will instantly transform into the United Socialist States of Islamic Baby Eaters. And with the blood of your newborn children running down our chins, we – the victorious – will all simultaneously pray to Allah as Barack Obama summons Satan and all the horrific things from Revelations (the only part of the New Testament any of you have read) will come true in all its flaming, semen-drenched glory.

Good times, baby-eaters, good times.

We liberals all know that we are soon to live in a conservative-free world where everyone’s gay – except for the gays who will be double-gay – and where babies can be legally aborted up to the age of 17. We know that soon we will all be free to marry pandas and then force the pandas to abort their babies and have hot, gay panda-on-panda orgies while we all masturbate furiously in church.

We know this because conservatives have made it clear that’s what’s going to happen should Barack Obama become President.

Yes, Conservatives, you have made it clear that Barack Obama is the anti-christ. That Obama is a Marxist. That Obama is a baby-killer. That Obama is a terrorist. That Obama is a secret Muslim. That Obama is Malcolm X’s illegitimate son. That Obama’s a Black Panther. That Obama is Hitler. That Obama is going to kill Israel. That Obama serves Lucifer. That Obama is all these things and much, much more.

So Conservatives, starting tomorrow we’ll be enslaving your dogs, defecating on your guns and making sweet, sweet homosexual love to Islamofacist Satanist baby-killers. We know all this will happen because so many of you believe that a victory by the other party in America’s two-party system will be the end of the planet as we know it. We know it will happen because your radical behavior before this election, and the because of the even-more radical behavior so many of you are sure to showcase after the election.

Luckily for Conservatives, we liberals believe in America, as well. We believe in Democracy. We believe that even if John McCain somehow wins the Presidency, America will live on. We believe in Americans. Even though so many Conservatives don’t.

–WKW

Comments

33 Responses to “Dear Barack Obama: Can we start killing Conservatives, aborting full-term babies and acting like communist Islamofascists yet?”

  1. dgun on November 3rd, 2008 9:32 pm

    I can’t wait until after the election when I get to start wearing my swastika on the outside of my sleeve.

  2. BluePat on November 4th, 2008 8:34 am

    When, exactly, will Obama help out all of us who are too lazy to get our own pandas?
    I for one cannot wait for the sweet, sweet panda lovin’. But not until after baby lunch.

  3. Mike on November 4th, 2008 8:36 am

    When can we start cloning our baby killing goodness from the aborted 17 year olds? Beastiality is teh new gay!

  4. Rob on November 4th, 2008 8:38 am

    yummm….babies. Does that include baby pandas? They look so …..tasty!
    Oh..and you forgot flag burning. You cant have a good baby-q without flags.
    Do we have to wait until tommorow?
    Good times…

  5. mariamariacuchita on November 4th, 2008 8:39 am

    Hot damn! Panda orgies?? I’m switching my vote to Obama!

    Can he throw in some health care while he’s in the oval office praying to Allah and setting up his harem?

  6. Kristen from MA on November 4th, 2008 8:40 am

    that is teh awesome!

  7. Richterscale on November 4th, 2008 8:41 am

    I intend on marrying my computer. It’s such a relief that an Obama Presidency will finally make it legal. (We’ve been having an affair behind my TV’s back for years.}

  8. troutay on November 4th, 2008 8:57 am

    Dang! I didn’t know there would be baby-q! Can I change my vote?

    Nah, just kidding! I am a socialist too!

  9. William K. Wolfrum on November 4th, 2008 9:04 am

    Hey folks, don’t miss out on the “All-Day Fox News Live Blog”

    I’m doing it so you don’t have to ;)

    – Bill

  10. Hunghl on November 4th, 2008 9:08 am

    This is a thing of beauty. I can’t wait to get my free panda from the government so I can have sex with it on the taxpayer’s dime.

  11. rehctaw on November 4th, 2008 9:10 am

    Now I know why you’re live blogging Faux Spews.

    This was cruel AND unusual.

    Don’t forget teh guns. We’re coming for them too.

    You go frist…[g]

  12. coreopsis on November 4th, 2008 9:16 am

    And don’t forget about all the gay couples breaking down church doors to hold priests and pastors at gunpoint to marry them so that they can adopt more brown children…. that all the former gun-owning white people will have to support through the sweat of their pasty white brows…

  13. Paul on November 4th, 2008 9:29 am

    In my elitist circles, we’ll call baby flesh “veal”. Damn, I wasn’t hungry until I read your article. Gotta run…have a conference call with Satan. Then it’s off to the public bath houses. Busy day.

  14. VJBinCT on November 4th, 2008 9:36 am

    Shh! Wait till the electoral college meets and votes and is certified. Then the long knifes can be unsheathed. But I have a question: both my sons are married to people of the opposite sex; will one in each couple have to trans-grender?

  15. William K. Wolfrum on November 4th, 2008 9:43 am

    VJB: Your sons and their wives must all marry one another. Incestuous polygamous gay marriages will be encouraged.

  16. Gretchen on November 4th, 2008 9:57 am

    Bill, your post has inspired me to rip out my IUD and get pregnant just so I can abort it at the last minute. I’m 45, so this may be my last chance to abort for the fun of it. Thanks for the inspiration!

  17. Celia Pleete on November 4th, 2008 9:59 am

    You. Are. Amazing.

  18. yummi on November 4th, 2008 10:03 am

    A baby in every pot.

  19. Lola on November 4th, 2008 10:05 am

    As a transsexual, I wholeheartedly support Obama’s platform:

    ‘Time for Change’!

  20. Matt on November 4th, 2008 10:12 am

    Uh oh, we were supposed to wait on the hot panda-loving?

    Oh well,…after today, Ling Ling and I can get that abortion at the Duane Reade across the street.

  21. Senator David Vitter on November 4th, 2008 10:24 am

    Hey wait. I’m not really a conservative, so don’t kill me.

    Is it too late for me to get in on the panda-orgy? Can I wear a diaper?

  22. Verline on November 4th, 2008 10:39 am

    Marrying a gay panda abortionist is my plan. It’s like killing two babies with one stone or something like that.

  23. mark on November 4th, 2008 11:12 am

    I’ll make millions from my panda-flavored baby-Q sauce!

  24. KJ on November 4th, 2008 11:16 am

    But I was so looking forward to the riots and looting if McCain wins.
    I want an iPhone. I’m not going to marry it though–just use it and cast it aside.

  25. JW on November 4th, 2008 11:44 am

    Finally Johnson’s Baby Shampoo will be able go to their original business model – making shampoo out of actual (unborn) babies.

  26. ronhohn on November 4th, 2008 12:41 pm

    If I paint my dog up to look like a panda, will that be OK? Can I then marry hm?

  27. Puh-lease! on November 4th, 2008 1:03 pm

    Luckily for Conservatives, we liberals believe in America, as well. We believe in Democracy. We believe that even if John McCain somehow wins the Presidency, America will live on. We believe in Americans. Even though so many Conservatives don’t.

    BULLSHIT! IF MCCAIN WINS YOU’LL HAVE ANOTHER EIGHT YEAR TEMPER TANTRUM. WHY ARE LIBERALS SO IN LOVE WITH THEMSELVES. IT’S UNSEEMLY.

  28. VJBinCT on November 4th, 2008 1:28 pm

    thank you for your guidance.

  29. SAL on November 5th, 2008 10:22 am

    God can alter the destiny a fool.
    But a fool cannot alter God.

    The fool laughs and says, “There is no God?”
    But the wise seek Truth and find Him.

    What are you seeking?

  30. Rob on November 5th, 2008 5:59 pm

    Wow Sal…(munch ..munch)..sheer profundity..(munch chew munch…) yep…(burp)…here is one for you.
    A fool posts a response to a 3 day old satirical post..(munch burp munch) …proving the point of the original post..(belch……)

    Nov. 4, 2008
    The day the real fools ..were laughed off the stage

  31. Becky on November 13th, 2008 2:12 pm

    Funny, funny man! And I spent all that time being mad about the slings and slurs thrown during the Fearmongering Campaign. You have a better approach…make the rumors *juicier*!

  32. aArdvark on September 12th, 2009 7:09 am

    Why are the posts dated in November. is this a time warp blog?

    Otherwise, I’m good with baby-chompin’, tired of being a goody-two shoes progressive, time to slash and burn.

  33. gregd01 on October 2nd, 2010 7:03 am

    Don’t worry Mr. Wolfrum. The conservatives have way more guns than the liberals and the majority of the upper echelons of the military that you liberals hate so much are mostly conservative. A real war with us would definitely be the last thing you want with conservative America. Good fantasy though. And its too funny to hear a liberal screed on how they believe in America but conservatives do not. Especially with a President doing apology tours for America every third weekend. Do you liberals really believe the stuff that comes out? How?

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