Top U.S. Conservatives Wake Up with Severed Polar Bear Heads in Their Beds

NEW YORK – In a gruesome display, numerous high-profile U.S. Conservatives awoke this morning with the severed heads of polar bears in their beds. Representatives for David Brooks, Peggy Noonan, Christopher Buckley, David Frum and a host of other conservatives have contacted media outlets around the nation awoke to find the Ursus maritimus craniums next to them.

“Wow, was there a lot of screaming this morning,” said one anonymous source. “And you really got a feel of how horrifying it was as the cameras slowly panned back for a wide shot.”

No police reports have been filed in regard to the multiple incidents, and U.S. conservatives have been quick to point out that it’s obviously just a harmless prank that should never be discussed again under any circumstances.

“Really, why should anyone be upset about this?” said prominent conservative Danielle Crittenden, wearing a ‘Sarah Palin: 2012′ T-shirt. “It’s nothing, nothing at all. Really, nothing. Leave me alone.”

In other news, Vivendi Entertainment has announced the surprise casting of Todd Palin in the lead role of its upcoming release “Ronald Reagan: Snowmobile Dude.”

–WKW

Save