Eating at Applebee’s in Brazil proves I am the worst person in the world

I have a confession to make. I am the root source of all evil on this planet. Me. If the entire world collapses, you can put the blame on me. Because I ate at Applebee’s. In Brazil.

Now, while I understand that no amount of explanation would forgive me of this sin, let me try and explain anyway. You see, I was visiting friends and family in Belo Horizonte and we were out looking for a place to eat. Someone laughed and said there was a new Applebee’s in town. I said “Wow, I’d like to see that.” Of course, being no one in brazil really understands anything I say, this was immediately translated to “Oh boy, let’s eat at Applebee’s.”

Which is how I ended up with an appetizer sampler platter at Applebee’s the other night. Which was pretty awful. Except for the ribs. And the chicken quesadillas were OK, as well. Also, they played a Madonna concert DVD on an endless loop. Now, while I know Brazil’s copyright laws are flimsy, Applebee’s Belo Horizonte is clearly breaking some sort of copyright law.

But this is neither here nor there. Because I know what I did. I helped fund the mediocrization of Brazil. Because if there’s one thing Brazil doesn’t need, it’s a freakin’ Applebee’s.

Because while I won’t say that a big restaurant dynasty like Applebee’s showing up Brazil is a sign of the moral collapse that globalization brings, let me just say this: Applebee’s showing up Brazil is a sign of the moral collapse that globalization brings.

They already have McDonald’s in Brazil, and have for some time. Strangely enough, in Brazil, the empty calories they serve are expensive. There is no Dollar Value Meal at the McDonald’s in Brazil. There are a few other chain restaurants around, but not that many. Though I hear that Friday’s and Outback Steakhouse do well in some parts of Brazil. The latter because Brazilians don’t have enough places nearby to get a steak, I guess. And the former because Brazilians just don’t know how to relax after work, I suppose.

Anyway, I just feel awful about supporting Applebee’s, and I deserve your scorn. Because even if the global economy is helping Brazil out in some ways, it’s just not worth Brazilians selling their souls to eat at distinctly American, and distinctly crappy chain restaurants. Leave that to us Americans who were born and raised on this type of mediocrity.

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles in Bad Portuguese

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