But Michael Phelps smoked pot

Brazilian soccer superstar Robinho was arrested for sexual assault last week.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Syracuse University starting guard Eric Devendorf allegedly hit a female student in the face, but faced no charges and is again playing.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former Central Michigan University football player Darren Paul Martin was arrested for unlawful imprisonment, assault with intent to commit sexual penetration, attempted sexual conduct in the third degree, and a variety of other offenses.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Two University of Arkansas-Monticello football players were arrested for a home invasion and “inappropriately touched” a woman in the house they robbed.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former NFL player David Meggett was arrested and charged with raping a 21-year-old woman in her North Charleston, S.C., home, authorities said. Meggett had been out on bond in connection with another sexual assault charge.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Kobe Bryant scored 61 points in New York the other night, leaving Knicks fans cheering and prompting Ted Green to write a flowery article about him in the Los Angeles Times that included this passage:

His one big mistake in Colorado, followed by the ugly divorce from Shaq, made it easy for the haters, gave them plenty of ammunition, and they happily loaded up, some still firing to this day.

But today, it all seems so old, so 2004, so tired, past-tense and out of touch. So childish.

In the same paper, you’ll find this: “Michael Phelps could face criminal charges in South Carolina.”

Because he smoked pot.

–WKW

Remembering “The National”

It seems that, like millions of others, I missed out on National Buy a Newspaper Day. But it did remind me of the 1990 effort at a sports daily, “The National.”

Ok, so it was overreaching. But it was a quality product. At least for the 500 or so editions they put out before going belly up.

–WKW

No one expects a blogaround VII

I hereby declare war on Bill O’Reilly, though I doubt he has the courage to appear on my show blog.

• It’s officially Blogroll Amnesty Day today, though, as I’ve mentioned, it’s totally beneath me.
• Sadly, No!: When Conservatives are claiming that Republicans are “Punk,” you know that the genre didn’t take off the way the Sex Pistols imagined.
• Monkeyfister: It’s no joke – Christopher Guest takes his music seriously.
• J.P. Hoornstra: Helio Gracie – father of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and stars like Royce and Rickson – died at the age of 95.
• Litbrit: Sheee’s baaccck.
• Pen-Elayne on the Web: Who doesn’t love Old Jews Telling Jokes?
• Kenneth Quinnell: Is Mel Martinez preparing to leave the Senate to open the door for Charlie Crist?
• Bark Bark Woof Woof: Joe the Plumber – GOP Campaign strategist.

–WKW

Beck World! Beck World! Party Time! Excellent!

(A random news story from Glenn Beck’s World)

BECKLAND — Following the collapse of the government of Mexico, angry and well-organized Mexican gangs launched a full-on war against the United States today. The Mexicans gangs have thus far conquered Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and parts of Nebraska. The state of New Hampshire has already surrendered and changed its name to “Novo Hampshire.”

“We decided it would be best to lay down our arms and run away,” said Texas Democrat Al Green. “They’ll leave us alone eventually, I’m sure.”

The Mexican gangs, supported by Iran and bolstered by Al Qaeda, have made numerous demands thus far, including asking for CEO positions at major financial institutions.

“Why do we want the financial positions?” asked Mexican gang leader Miguel Al-Garcia. “Well, that’s where the money’s at.”

President Barack Hussein Obama has asked for calm in the area and has said that he’s willing to negotiate with each and every member of the Mexican invaders without preconditions.

“We must not be lured into a war of convenience,” said Obama. “The 46, um 45, states of this nation must stand strong and allow this to happen naturally.”

Obama added that the current stimulus bill wending its way through Congress will provide significant funds for fighting illegal immigration, but that the funds won’t be available until 2017.

“But each and every Mexican gang member coming across the border will be eligible to receive comprehensive STD evaluations by 2012,” said the President.

Administration officials said that the U.S. military’s plan of fending off the Mexican assault was thwarted early on as its main weapon was unavailable. The military had planned on sending American hero Michael Phelps up the Gulf of Mexico with tactical nukes strapped to his back in order to quell the uprising. The plan fell apart when it was learned that Phelps was far too stoned to get the job done.

“How ungrateful to your mother are you? You’re so ungrateful to your Mom and your God that’s this is what you do?*” said former CNN spokesman Glenn Beck. “We need martial law and we need it now.”

In an emergency session of Congress, the United States Senate voted unanimously to give amnesty to all Democratic politicians that have tax issues. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi urged Americans to be calm.

“This situation should not be blown out of proportion lest we be viewed as racist,” said Pelosi, moments after helping pass the 2009 Mandatory Abortion for Teens Law. “At this point, we’re siding with the Mexicans.”

Secretary of Defense Hillary Clinton, in China negotiating a bill that would slow down the U.S. economy, said it was imperative to maintain perspective.

“Right now the great state of New York is under full assault from roving bands of militant lesbian gangs,” said Clinton. “We all have problems. Deal with it.”

Still, some states are preparing to fight back. Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe said his constituents were ready to fight back.

“We all have guns and we’re ready to fight,” said Beebe. “Right now, everyone has their guns at church, but after we finish tithing, watch out.”

Obama, who was ushered into the presidency by an unprecedented youth vote, attempted to reach out to his young supporters and encourage them to fight back, but the young voters were too busy taking naked pictures of themselves with cell phone cameras, reading Marxist propaganda and wearing their pants too low to care.

*Direct quote from Glenn Beck, Fox & Friends on Feb. 3, 2009.

–WKW

Watts Up With That? or: Why Internet Blogging Awards are meaningless

Receiving awards for one’s work is nice. I speak from experience, having won two prestigious Alaska Press Club Awards during my illustrious career. These awards have given my career and life a great boost, mostly due to the fact that I can now mention them repeatedly.

But let’s face it, any and all subjective awards are basically meaningless. And that could not be more true when it comes to awards for blogging. To solidify this point, one need only look at the 2008 Weblog Awards:

Best Science Blog: Watts Up with That?

Yes, according to 2008 Weblog Awards voters, a global warming denier has the best science blog.

From Wikipedia:

Watts has stated that he had “at one time been fully engaged in the belief that CO2 was indeed the root cause of the global warming problem” but “later changed my thinking when I learned more about the science involved and found it to be lacking.” He established the blog “Watts Up With That?” to popularise his views on global warming and the controversy around the science.

Watts expects that the result of the SurfaceStations.org effort will be “to demonstrate that some of the global warming increase is not from CO2 but from localized changes in the temperature-measurement environment” and has said “you have to wonder if the whole house of cards isn’t about to start falling down”.

When a pseudoscientist is given an award as a top science blogger, one must wonder if the whole Weblog Awards house of cards is about to start falling down. Because no matter how hard deniers try to prove it, the practice of scientific peer review has not utterly collapsed when it comes to climate change. And awarding those that think it has should tell you all you need to know about Watts up with the Weblog Awards.

–WKW

History must be conservatively revised

Over the last few years, Americans have learned that the majority of U.S. history is a myth. It seems that liberals – as is their way – have whitewashed American history to lean heavily toward the left, often destroying great Americans along the way, or even worse – by putting socialist Americans high on unworthy pedestals.

Take for instance the plight of Joseph McCarthy. Liberal historians have painted McCarthy as a reckless and demagogic figure. But Conservative history shows us that McCarthy outed numerous communist spies and helped keep the U.S. from falling into the hands of the Soviet Empire.

On the other side of the coin is Franklin D. Roosevelt and the New Deal. While many still view FDR as a hero who led the U.S. out of the Great Depression, new conservative facts show just the opposite – that Roosevelt helped create and prolong the Great Depression, eventually leading to a time of great economic uncertainty – the 1950s.

Because liberal academics control the minds of your children, such historical myths are propagated without much fight. But the time to fight is now. It is time for us to look back at history through a conservative lens and see the truth about American history. A truth that liberal university professors are either unwilling or unable to share.

Such as:

• Hurricane Katrina was not caused by weather systems. It was caused by an angry God, upset that New Orleans was too gay-friendly.
• The Holocaust just wasn’t that bad.
• Cutting taxes always helps the economy.
• Diplomacy is always appeasement.
• The United States was founded as a theocracy.
• Unscrupulous poor people caused the current financial crisis.
• The GOP is the party of Civil Rights.
• More than 30,000 top scientists agree that there is no convincing scientific evidence that human release of carbon monoxide is causing or has caused global climate change.
• Iran has promised to nuke Israel out of existence as soon as they can.
• World War II did not need to be fought and Winston Churchill was the equivalent of Hitler.
• There has not been a terrorist attack on American soil since Sept. 11, 2001.
• Saddam Hussein actively supported Al-Qaeda.
• Ronald Reagan won the Cold War.
• Charles Darwin’s teachings led directly to Hitler.
• Milton Friedman was an economic genius and helped save Chile.
• Sarah Palin is a reformer who has always known that Africa is a continent.
• Iraq is much better off now than it was before the U.S. removed Saddam Hussein.
• Before activist judges got involved in Roe v. Wade, no one cared about abortion.
• The U.S. was absolutely correct to jail Japanese-Americans during World War II.
• Waterboarding has never been considered torture.
• Fascists = Woodrow Wilson, FDR, LBJ, Hillary Clinton.
• Christianity led to Western capitalism.

And on and on it goes. The truth is out there for all to see, but has been whitewashed by liberals for decades. As we all know, history is written by the winners, and liberals have thus far been the ultimate victors in the American political establishment, having held the White House for 12 of the past 40 years. It is time to revise history once and for all and lay the blame of all the world’s ills at the feet of the liberal fascists that want nothing more than to make the United States into a socialist utopia under the leadership of Kenyan Barack Obama.

–WKW

Dan Rooney thanks Barack Obama

Upon receiving the Vince Lombardi Trophy, Steelers Owner Dan Rooney thanked Barack Obama. Can’t remember anyone thanking George W. Bush for a sports championship. Or much of anything, really.

–WKW

Super Bowl thoughts from Brazil

I wonder how many Brazilians are watching the Super Bowl? There must be a few. For a Pittsburgh Steelers fan like myself, the first quarter was just lovely. Santonio Holmes became big-time this year and is really doing his thing.

Some thoughts as the game goes:

• I miss the commercials. We don’t get to see any of them. Bummer.
• The Steelers needed a touchdown on that drive, and they got it. 10-0. So far, so good.
• Looking at Polamalu, Fitzgerald and Hightower makes me wonder when Cousin It became the height of fashion.
• If the Edgerrin James of 2000 was playing, the Cardinals would be completely unstoppable. He’s still pretty good, but not what he was.
• Well, my dreams of a Steelers’ blowout are looking dim. 10-7.
• Anyone wanna bet that Michael Phelps is really baked right now at a Super Bowl party?
• But Arizona can score quickly, regardless the defense they’re facing. I have mad respect for Boldin and Fitzgerald. And Kurt Warner isn’t so bad, I suppose.
• If there is one thing the announcers for the international broadcast hate, it’s enthusiasm. I need to figure out who they are.
• I am totally not digging this recent turn of events.
• I wonder how many other people went to a samba party before watching the game today?
• If the Steelers lose, it won’t be for a lack of blitzing.
• And we have a turnover. Roethlisberger is good for one tipped pass for an INT per game, it seems.
• Un.Believe.Able. James Harrison is The Man. Does the TD count, though?
• No way they can reverse that. And they didn’t. 17-7. Damn that was good.
• Breaking: Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band play at Super Bowl halftime – no nipples seen.
• I remember saying that Lawrence Timmons would pan out.
• International announcer: “I’m going to stick my neck out and say that was an incomplete pass.” There’s a man willing to take a radical stance.
• International announcer upon seeing Cuba Gooding Jr. in the crowd: “Our sport is growing.” I’m not making this up.
• FYI: This is the first time Afonso has seen the Steelers in the Super Bowl and he’s doing his job as “Lucky Dog” quite well.
• In the U.S., commercials are $3 million a pop for the Super Bowl. In Brazil, 90 percent of the commercials are ESPN promos or shots of the field.
• Prevent against Kurt Warner is a bad idea.
• This is going to be a painful 10 minutes.
• And now it’s 20-14. This is getting worrisome.
• If Jeff Reed can make one more field goal, the game is over. And, perhaps I can forgive him for that penis-cleavage picture he took of himself a couple years back. Eeeesssh. Maybe not.
• Time for Willie Parker to earn his paycheck.
• Three and out. 5:28 to go. This is bad. Where’s Afonso when I need him?
• If the Steelers defense wants to be ranked as one of the best ever, they need to shut down the Cardinals now.
• Shrewd move, Ike.
• Huge display of pass rushing by the Steelers stops them.
• But now, the Steelers have first down at their own 1 yard line. This is just a hell of a game, eh?
• Hines Ward dropping a clutch pass = bad sign.
• Second effort by Parker saves a safety.
• The Steelers may want to consider taking a safety here.
• Well, it looks like they took one anyway.
• 20-16, 2:58 to go.
• Way to set the tone, Patrick Bailey.
• And then, Larry Fitzgerald went 64. 23-20. Cardinals. Now it’s Big Ben’s turn to try and pull this out and pull a slumping Steelers offense out of it’s malaise.
• Two-minute warning. The world is not prepared for having the Arizona Cardinals be the Super Bowl champions.
• Santonio Holmes is out of his mind out there. Clutch third down pickup. Followed by another first down.
• San. Ton. Io. Holmes!
• Roethlisberger to Holmes for the lead. An unbelievable throw. An Unbelievable catch. An unbelievable Super Bowl. And still 35 seconds to go.
• I have never felt less confident with a 4 point lead and 30 seconds to go.
• How about we just let Larry Fitzgerald and Santonio Holmes have a fistfight at the 50-yard line to settle this?
• No timeouts, 15 seconds to go. Inside the 50. Warner should just throw two Hail Marys to Fitzgerald and Boldin. I’d put Holmes in as a DB.
• Barring a reversal, the Steelers just won the Super Bowl.
• The Pittsburgh Steelers are Super Bowl Champions! That makes 6! And that was one hell of a football game.
• My elation, however, is somewhat dimmed by seeing Jeff Reed’s blond hair and blond beard. Let’s all say it one more time – Penis cleavage.
• Bob, Hugh, and anyone else, glad you were here. This was fun. And being that both my parents were born in Pittsburgh and I have a ton of family there, it couldn’t have been more satisfying.

–WKW

Michael Phelps must be arrested and publicly shamed for smoking pot

At the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, Michael Phelps was the greatest American hero. By winning eight gold medals in swimming, Phelps once again proved the United States is a nation of superhumans that can not and will not be defeated. Ever.

Now, however, we realize the sickening truth about Michael Phelps. He’s a pothead.

Yes, Phelps, who less than a year ago was held up as the perfect specimen of human, as a man who every woman had the responsibility to sleep with, has let us all down. He is an out-of-control drug addict, sucking up cannabis at any and every opportunity. It is only a matter of time until he self-destructs completely and is found dead covered in Fritos and pepperoni.

Michael Phelps’ collapse into utter depravity does not just taint his swimming records and the sporting world. No, it affects all of humanity. Because it’s not like he was a naive Olympian who succumbed to peer pressure. It is far, far, far worse. As the News of the World reported – Phelps “looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits.”

Basically, it comes down to this – Michael Phelps is a fraud. Behind that crooked-toothed smile is a dope fiend. A maniacal drug addict only out for personal pleasure. A man so removed from reality that he didn’t even lie about the marijuana allegations like a normal person. Marijuana has left him a shell of his former self and left the world heartbroken and sobbing.

Michael Phelps had a choice – he could have drank himself into oblivion and partied like a normal person. Instead, he inhaled marijuana. So instead of being a lovable playboy who the world can admire, he is a pothead who only deserves our scorn. For the sake of our children, it is time to take all of his freedoms away. It is the only way the world can heal.

–WKW

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