Words of Ick from the New York Times’ new conservative columnist
March 18, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
Let us read from the book of Douthat:
One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend’s parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks. It had taken some time to reach this point–”Do most Harvard guys take so long to get what they want?” she had asked, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I wasn’t sure what to say, but then I wasn’t sure this was what I wanted. My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to. I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business… and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered–”You know, I’m on the pill…”
I know I’m somewhat disgusted with myself for reading that.
–WKW
What does this even mean?
“…My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to.”
It does not follow the previous sentence as a reason not to know if this is something he wanted.
Am I missing something? It’s a non sequitur to me.
Ahem. It could mean his … manhood “spills” from his pajamas when properly enticed and that her breasts were somehow so large or unattractive as to retard … spillage.
Oof.
Well, I’m even more concerned by “masticating my neck and cheeks.”
Reese Witherspoon lookalike or CANNIBAL ZOMBIE?
I found this all very strange… until I realized what he was saying.
By saying she was on the pill, she was indicating that she was willing to screw him without a condom… he assumes this means she’s screwed other men without protection before, and is therefore more likely to be carrying an STD. Hence he was no longer excited.
Not that far out there really… though of course the writing is awful.
“she’s screwed other men without protection before, and is therefore more likely to be carrying an STD.”
Women, yecchh! Walking didease factories! Dirty, unclean! Run, run!
My wife and I have been married to each other for twenty years. We engag in marital intamcies, and have for twenty years. She never developed any kind of STD, much less gave it to me. I doubt if she is in any way unusual in this.
These hysterical fears of women are really alarming. It might help if you talk it over with a qualified psychologicalist.
And if a woman’s breast spill out, I really don’t see any problem. A gentlemen, my father taught me, will discretly and quietly pick them up and hand them, back to her, with a prefuntory bow, sayin “Madame, I believe these are your’s?”
Is that really so hard? What the hell is wrong with this Douthat guy? He talks alot about sex, but I’m not sure he wants to Douthat. Maybe he wants Du Toit, but he can’t.
Reese Witherspoon lookalike or CANNIBAL ZOMBIE?
Can’t she be both, like the real Reese Witherspoon?
Boy, that really reminds me of part of a dialogue from A Chorus Line:
Greg: And then there was the time I was making out with Sally Ketchum in the back seat of the car. We were kissing and necking and I was feeling her boobs. And after about an hour or so, she said,
Ohhh, don’t you wanna feel anything else?
And I suddenly thought to myself, “No, I don’t.”
Zach: Did this come as a surprise to you?
Greg: Well, I guess yeah, because it was the first time I realized I was homosexual.