George W. Bush unveils marketing plan for new book

George W. Bush – famed for starting two open-ended wars and leaving in the U.S. economy in complete shambles – has announced he will be penning a book tentatively called “Decision Points.”

Included in the announcement was the marketing strategy for the new book. The marketing strategy will be multi-layered, leading up to it’s anticipated release in 2010 by Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House. The strategy includes:

1. Check if Blackwater has any writers on their staff and privatize the authorship of the book.
2. Create an early buzz for the book and build a sense of anticipation. Have Cheney go on Meet the Press and state that not buying the book would almost assuredly be fatal. Have other surrogates go on other news shows pushing the talking point that if people don’t buy the book here, terrorists will come here and read it to them. Keep this going non-stop for six months, while denying it’s actually happening.
3. Have Bush take a six-month vacation at the Ranch.
4. Divert 90 percent of publicity budget to the audio book. Get Cheney back on “Meet the Press” to tell the public that the real threat will come if they don’t listen to the book.
5. Have Bush wear really tight pants, thus winning the endorsements of media types like Chris Matthews.
6. Have Bush do just one interview prior to publication, with Fox News’ Glenn Beck, who is reportedly quite populist.
7. Cover Crown Publishing Group’s headquarters with kindling and old newspapers and douse with gasoline. Shoot flaming arrows at it.
8. Have the President watch disinterestedly as Crown Publishing Group burns to the ground just prior to the final release of the book. Say there was no way anyone could have anticipated it and blame liberals. Congratulate printers on a job well done. Salt the Earth.
9. Decide to abandon the project and leave the whole thing for some one else to deal with.

–WKW