Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “Now is the time for reflection”
April 20, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
“My friends, I have long taken responsibilities for my actions. Despite this, many have come after me for purely political reasons. And while I understand that in the political sphere there are often skirmishes that can’t be avoided. Nonetheless, now is not the time for retribution. Now is the time for reflection.
Yes, it is time to reflect on some of my past actions. It’s time to reflect upon the time I was in that car chase for going 120 mph in my Honda Civic on the 60 Freeway in Pomona, Calif. Trust me, I have long reflected on how my car spun out of control after hitting the strip of nails the CHP laid out in the freeway to stop me. And it’s time to reflect how I somehow got away.
It’s time to reflect on that liquor store I robbed at gunpoint in Laughlin, Nev. I often reflect on the look of fear on the clerks face as I ripped $83.75 out of the cash register. And even now I reflect on whether the clerk defecated himself out of fear, or if that was pure adrenaline I smelled.
And now, more than ever, it’s time to reflect on that guy I shot dead during a routine heroin deal in Calexico, Calif. It’s time to reflect on the fact that, yes, if you short me, I will, in fact, shoot you in the head, then travel to Mexico to kill your family, your dog, your church and then burn your house down. But let us not look back in anger.
More than anything, however, it’s time to reflect on that time I abducted a family of four and, shoved cashews under their fingernails, attached electrodes to their genitals and then slammed them against the wall until they were unconscious. Just because I could. Let’s all sit back and reflect on that for a moment.
My friends, this is not a time for retribution. It’s a time for reflection. It is not a time to use our energy and our time in looking back, and in a sense of anger and retribution. We have a lot to do to protect America. And to come after me now would only increase the partisan chasm in this great nation of ours.
Can I say that I will never commit these actions again? Of course not. I am what I am, and it will definitely happen again, just as soon as I feel confident I can get away with it again. There will be more victims, whose lives will be ruined by my tyrannical actions. But take my word for it, these people deserve it, and in my own way, I have made America a safer place. To turn these issues into a partisan witch-hunt would only damage the national psyche and strengthen our enemies.
So let’s look forward. Not too far forward, of course. Say, six months. Ok, three. Let’s all look forward toward a three-month period of peace, understanding and non-partisan reflection. Because history has shown us that I’ll just do it all again, anyway. So reflect on that.
Thank you for your time and I have retained counsel on this matter.”