Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “We White Men are now an infinitesimally oppressed, slightly less powerful majority”

May 27, 2009 by  

William K. Wolfrum made this statement to his supporters at 3 p.m.

“My friends, for many years, I have lived a life of divine privilege. By birthright, I was special – white as all get out and as male as could be. Basically, I hit the genetic lottery, and grew to be secure in the fact that all rights available to a human belonged to me.

But those days have come to and end, and with them, a tiny percentage of my hopes and dreams. You see, in just over six months, the United States has seen a black man be elected President of the United States, and a Latin woman be nominated for Supreme Court. My friends, these jobs were once the sole property of men like me. White men. White men who didn’t care about non-white men, and didn’t have to because we’re white. But those times are changing. And I am frightened.

Now, sure, I understand there are white men out there that will help white men like myself bridge the infinitesimally small new gap. I also understand that white men still make up 90 percent or more of Congress, and roughly 100 percent of the mainstream media. But these privileges are no longer purely a given, and in fact have the unseemly feel of large-partism just thrown our way by the minorly less impotent minority class.

Because, you see, not that long ago, when a Supreme Court seat opened up, I had the warm comfort of knowing that I – with no law experience whatsoever – had a much better chance at becoming a Supreme Court Justice than a woman with a Puerto Rican heritage. A woman who would have never even have been given the opportunity to gain law experience not so long ago. But now, I feel the same oppression as the blacks that were enslaved in the U.S., and the Native Americans who were slaughtered. I am now part of an oppressed, negligibly less powerful majority.

So what happens to me now? This year the Supreme Court is off limits to a white, non-law-practicing male like myself. And the Presidency is now firmly in the hands of someone who lacks the comforting whiteness that I and my fellow white men have come to accept as the norm. As someone who once had limitless opportunities, I now find the ease of which I could stumble into those opportunities limited ever-so slightly. But I believe that we White men can come back and reclaim the absolute and complete power we once held. We must begin our own civil rights struggle. We must take to the streets. It is time for a white male movement.

I believe it is time for white men to get together and form an organization that fights for our needs. In keeping with this new “Enlarge the Gap” movement, we should dress uniformly, perhaps in all white to further enhance our whiteness. Let me tell you, organization is key. And while the triflingly more powerful minorities of this nation may scoff at a large, well-organized group of white men marching the streets dressed in white with torches, for we white males it will be the type of thing that empowers us. Because the ruling, pampered minorities do not understand what an angry group of vaguely oppressed white men can accomplish. They have no historical perspective, at least as far as I learned at the private school I attended. They see us only as extremely powerful, but not God-like any longer. This tiny, almost unnoticeable gap between deity and hyper-powerful is a gap we must close.

We must fight. Today, a white male child will be born into an oppressive society where the color of his skin will only be a great advantage, not an incomprehensibly powerful advantage. That child will see that there is now extra competition out there between himself and his dreams. That child will be born into a society that – while understanding his cultural values and belief systems – will no longer automatically fearfully submit to them. That child will be destined for a life of dreams and promises that will only very likely be fulfilled. The guarantee is now gone, and we must get it back.

My white male friends, we shall overcome. We are a theoretically oppressed majority, but our voices can be heard. White men, spit the imperceptibly less silver spoon from your mouths and yell to the skies “The White Man will rise again! Power to the white male.”

Thank you, and I have retained counsel, several bodyguards, a maid, hairstylist and personal valet on this matter.”

–WKW

Comments

24 Responses to “Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “We White Men are now an infinitesimally oppressed, slightly less powerful majority””

  1. Bob on May 27th, 2009 6:00 pm

    Oh, Bill… LOL

  2. William K. Wolfrum on May 27th, 2009 6:38 pm

    Too subtle? lol

  3. Thers on May 28th, 2009 5:18 am

    I also understand that white men still make up 90 percent or more of Congress, and roughly 100 percent of the mainstream media.

    Ha! Looks like you forgot about Juan Williams. Thus I refute you!

  4. Martin Dufresne on May 28th, 2009 6:38 am

    Hilarious. Bravo!
    Please note: a few words missing at the end where you write “White men, spit the imperceptibly less silver spoon from your **** **** yell to the skies “The White Man will rise again! Power to the white male.””

  5. dgun on May 28th, 2009 7:29 am

    “Theys taking over…” – Bubba, who never had control of anything, not even his double wide which is still owned by the bank.

  6. Michael on May 28th, 2009 7:48 am

    It almost sounds like a rant by Otto (Kevin Kline) in “A Fish Called Wanda.” Except replace the overt hostility toward the British with overt hostility toward anyone non-white.

    And subtle? No need! It’s actually almost spot on.

  7. Ben Atherton-Zeman on May 28th, 2009 8:11 am

    Outstanding use of humor! Reminds me of Charlie Varon’s “State of the Gender” in the early 1990s. May I perform this sometime?

  8. William K. Wolfrum on May 28th, 2009 8:22 am

    a few words missing at the end

    Thanks Martin. I hate when that happens.

    May I perform this sometime?

    Absolutely.

  9. Aurelio Montemayor on May 28th, 2009 3:01 pm

    Great. Perfect. I would add a bit on the hetero side because it seems that the great white male is a little disturbed by same-sex marriage and the quest for public acceptance of queer unions. He might be a little closetted and by definition not own up to some private interest in another man’s weenie but that’s a side issue: there’s some power challenge that white males must rise and hold erect in opposition to the gay liberation actions. So, a side chant might be: Straight White Males of the Universe, arise with length and vigor: Hold your sword erect and ready for battle!

  10. wondering on May 28th, 2009 3:49 pm

    I am so bookmarking this!

  11. aimai on May 29th, 2009 7:22 am

    Hm. I think it may need subtitles for the thematically impaired or its going to make the jump to a Valedictorian speech at Liberty University.

    aimai

  12. Mike’s Blog Roundup | My Blog Channel on May 29th, 2009 9:08 am

    [...] William K. Wolfrum: We white men are now an infintesimally oppressed, slightly less powerful majority [...]

  13. Batocchio on May 29th, 2009 9:19 am

    I thought you liked being oppressed, and wanted to get in on that action.

    And aimai’s got a point, although you’re still falling short of Jonah Goldberg: “The white male is the Jew of liberal fascism.” Nor have you implied something sinister about Sotomayor’s affection for Puerto Rican cuisine. It makes satirizing these people a real challenge.

    (“This year the Supreme Court is off limits to a white, non-law-practicing male like myself” was my favorite line, BTW.)

  14. handsomemaggie on May 29th, 2009 10:33 am

    Excellent, excellent…except that I thought the selection of Bush for 2 terms and Cheney’s assertion to Rumsfeld that “this is our due” represented the penultimate moment of little rich white boy liberation. Isn’t that what Rushboy and that whiner, Newtie, are all about after all? For once, I feel sorry for Michael Steele cuz this time I think he means it. Remember that he was up against some southern white guy who sang “Barack the Magic Negro”. Steele’s stand just may cost him his job. Then he might begin to rethink the whole Republican thing….

    Thank you for the excellent article. So, how’s Brazil (? I think that’s where you are…..)

  15. roaminronin on May 29th, 2009 11:45 am

    Why are you white guys always so ANGRY?

  16. RockE on May 29th, 2009 2:25 pm

    “So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down

    I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown.”

  17. Joe Rogo on May 29th, 2009 3:04 pm

    “I am now part of an oppressed, negligibly less powerful majority.”

    Actually, you would need to be a white woman to qualify for that status.
    Largely because white men hold a majority of positions of power, the women who outnumber them have long belonged to what might be call a “silent majority”.

    http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p20-544.pdf

  18. amish451 on May 29th, 2009 4:23 pm

    Whaddayou talkin’ bout? President Josiah Bartlet was a Spanish guy, his mom was Irish but that sure didn’t make him all white.

  19. Laura Molina on May 29th, 2009 9:04 pm

    Pobre loco hombres…

  20. William K. Wolfrum Chronicles » Blog Archive » GOP reports that its ethics were “kidnapped and stolen by an unidentified black couple” on June 12th, 2009 8:09 am

    [...] “At the GOP, we’re very aware that some day things that matter to us will be taken away unidentified blacks and other minorities,” said a press release. “So we always react to that eventuality first.” [...]

  21. SarahRose on June 26th, 2009 2:31 pm

    O My Gosh I’m a Black Women and have been married to a White Man FOR 10 YEARS!! I have always been pampered by POWERFUL WHITE MEN, and now that I am maried to one; MY WORKING DAYS ARE OVER. But I still enjoy working a little to stay sane. My point is, if white men loose their power in this country where will the pampered black or white women who marry them stand?? my attraction has always been that way and not for any other race!! Hopefully I am not around to see this unfold.

  22. E. Adams on July 13th, 2009 5:51 am

    sucks for you SarahRose, you tethered yourself to a sinking ship…

  23. lugh on October 3rd, 2011 7:03 pm

    The satirical message of this is a bit hypocritical. No white male can say the current change of things is anything akin to slavery, and this is a very typical extreme example created for the sole purpose of making this type of conversation a joke.

    White oppression does exist in certain parts of America. I still, as a while male, would rather be white then say a urban black man,. my trials do not even compare, at this point. I fully recognize every thing you can say about privilege and power. I also recognize how people see my opinions based on my gender and skin color.

    My fight is for equality, and it seems this is the truest minority. I want the same chance of getting a job based on me, the same chance of getting a scholarship based on me, and the same chance of having a conversation based on being me. But if you actually open your eyes, you may recognize in an attempt to create balance, in many pockets of American society this balance does not exist.

    I, nor anyone, should have to pay for the atrocious acts of those who came before them. It is not my fault, and it is as simple as that, and I, like all white males, are just as much in the midst of this whole mess and every other single person of race and gender. The battle of equality needs to be our battle, but we can only win this battle if we are honest and look at all acts of people being treated unfairly. And yes, in many places unfairness directed towards while males does exist, ignoring this is only that, ignorance. I am not asking for sympathy, only equality and to be recognized as a human being, just like you.

  24. The New New Civil Rights Movement « bastard.logic on November 21st, 2012 3:47 pm

    [...] Via Antonia, oppressed white male Bill Wolfrum is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it any more: We must fight. Today, a white male child will be born [...]

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