GOP reports that its ethics were “kidnapped and stolen by an unidentified black couple”

The GOP may find itself in hot water after filing a report that its ethics were kidnapped and stolen by an unidentified black couple.

“Hi, we’re the Republican Party and our ethics have been stolen from us. A black couple stuck them in the trunk of their car and drove off with them,” said the GOP while reporting the loss of its ethics in a 911 call.

Following a desperate search for the lost ethics, investigators immediately unraveled the GOP’s story, as they found its ethics in a Las Vegas hotel with its pockets stuffed with lobbyist cash and its face covered in blow.

“The GOP’s ethics barely even existed when we arrived at the hotel,” one investigator said. ” It was covered in cash, cocaine, hookers, free medical supplies and other such things.”

The GOP quickly announced that the original report was the result of confusion.

“At the GOP, we’re very aware that some day things that matter to us will be taken away unidentified blacks and other minorities,” said a press release. “So we always react to that eventuality first.”

According to police reports, the GOP was looking to hide the fact that it is currently campaigning on a “small government” platform after spending the last eight years growing the size of government at a record rate. At this juncture, no charges are set to be filed, due to the elite whiteness of the GOP.

“The GOP has had it pretty tough lately,” said the investigator. “Their ethics have morphed into pure Id, and they have no idea which way is up. But keep in mind, these are pretty powerful people we’re talking about.”

–WKW

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