Statement from William K. Wolfrum: “Gay Rights must appeal to all voting-aged Americans”

“My friends, we are living in progressive times and being led by a progressive leader. In fact, President Barack Obama is so progressive, he constantly reaches his hand out to non-progressives, even if he generally only pulls back a bloody stump.

But Obama’s almost maddening need to reach bipartisan consensus on many issues means that results are right around the corner. Nowhere is this more evident than in the fight for gay civil rights. Obama – knowing America is a diverse nation – has simultaneously called gays and lesbians pedophiles, as well as calling himself a fierce advocate for gay rights. And while many feel that by playing both sides of the fence, Obama is destined to leave everyone displeased, I believe the exact opposite is true.

Because gay rights is a very sticky political issue, and it would be crazy for Obama to adopt the far-left platform on them. It would likely be even crazier if he even did what he said he’d do when he was but a candidate for President. But this should not be a problem for the President. By appealing to all voting-aged Americans on the gay civil rights issue, Obama can make all voting-aged Americans happy and more liberated.

In the end, it will all have to break down to percentages. Due to the vast array of opinions on these issues, this will give gays and lesbians the most politically feasible civil rights they can ever hope for in a nation like the United States. Going over public opinion, I have created a basic framework for how Obama can give a percentage of gays and lesbians the rights they deserve, while giving civil rights opponents the opportunities to hate that they so cherish:

Gay Civil Rights By The Numbers

70 percent of all gays and lesbians will be allowed to have civil unions with same-sex partners.

60 percent of all gays and lesbians will be allowed to have same-sex marriages.

50 percent of all gay and lesbian marriages or civil unions will be respected by other states.

40 percent of all gays and lesbians in the military will be allowed to honestly disclose their sexuality without being fired.

30 percent of all gay and lesbian couples will be allowed to adopt.

25 percent of all gays and lesbians will be protected by Anti-discrimination laws.

20 percent of all gays and lesbians will not be allowed to use public restrooms.

10 percent of all gays and lesbians will be forced to accept angry homophobes screaming “faggot” right in their faces.

8 percent of all gays and lesbians will be forced to accept physical violence against them by angry, violent homophobes.

3 percent of all gays and lesbians will be allowed to be murdered by angry, violent, psychopathic homophobes.

As you can see, this comprehensive list of new gay civil rights will appeal to all Americans, from the 60 percent that favor gay marriage, to the three percent of Americans who want to kill gays and lesbians. At first blush, this list may seem unfair to gays and lesbians, but gay civil rights is not about actual gays and lesbians – its about Barack Obama’s favorability numbers. By appealing to all Americans on gay civil rights, Obama will continue his reign as a popular president who is willing to reach across any aisle, or throw any of his supporters under the bus.

In the end, we will see if the percentage plan passes through Congress. If it does, then Obama needs to follow the same blueprint in his battle for healthcare. One could easily envision a scenario of allowing 50 percent of all uninsured Americans die (which would cut the number of uninsured Americans in half) while giving insurance companies 100 percent of profits (which would make lobbyists happy.)

We will see how it all plays out. But what’s most important is that Obama stays away from doing things on “principle” or avoids his own personal “morality.” In a complex nation like the U.S., such things are just words. What matters is that Obama does whatever it takes to make all voting-aged Americans happy when it comes to gay civil rights. We can all worry about how actual gays and lesbians feel about it all later. Because one day, a leader will come forward that believes more in civil rights than in votes. And we know that day won’t come for at least another four years.

Thank you and I have retained counsel on this matter.”

–WKW

Save