Sarah Palin quits the Presidency she expects to win in 2012
July 9, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
WASILLA – Outgoing Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has dropped another bombshell that will likely again shake her supporters to the core. Palin announced today that she is resigning the Presidency of the United States as of Jan. 24, 2012. Palin said the bad press she will likely receive has made it impossible for her to fulfill the job she expects to win.
“This is not politics as usual,” said a smirking Palin. “I know there are plenty of real Americans out there who will help me win the 2012 Presidential election. And while I’m proud to serve, I’m afraid the negative press and potty-mouthed attacks from bloggers will force me to resign, effective shortly after I expect to win, roughly 45 months from now.”
While most political pundits have questioned whether Palin is making the right decision in abandoning the White House nearly four years before she anticipates being elected President, The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol called the move “Pure genius by an amazing super maverick.”
“I’ll tell you what, once again, we see that Sarah Palin knows what America is all about,” said Kristol. “Her pre-quitting of the Presidency will long be look forward to as a brilliant time in American history.”
For her part, Palin said that she would look into other ways to serve the American public, such as serving as the center square on a revamped production of the game show “Hollywood Squares.” Palin is also expected to begin hawking flakes of her skin on QVC later this month.
“I belong to America, you betcha,” said Palin. “And for just three easy payments of $19.99, real Americans can own a part of me.”
Palin is also expected to publish her first book later this month, as well. The book, tentatively titled “Sarah’s Book of Baby Names” will include such Palin-esque names as Thump, Splat, Flap, Monkeybars, Norbert, Plug and Schwing!
Palin added that she wanted to thank those that will be campaigning for her in the future.
“For those of you that will be working hard to help me become President so that I can quit, well God Bless ya,” said Palin. “Your hard work is vital and appreciated. I couldn’t pre-quit the presidency if it weren’t for all the hard work that you’ll all eventually be doing.”
In the end, Palin made it crystal clear why she was willing to give up the nation’s biggest office before she actually won it.
“It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with this instead of progressing our state now. I know I promised no more “politics as usual,” but this isn’t what anyone had in mind for me,” said Palin. “If I have learned one thing: Life is about choices!”