Sarah Palin quits the Presidency she expects to win in 2012

July 9, 2009 by  

WASILLA – Outgoing Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has dropped another bombshell that will likely again shake her supporters to the core. Palin announced today that she is resigning the Presidency of the United States as of Jan. 24, 2012. Palin said the bad press she will likely receive has made it impossible for her to fulfill the job she expects to win.

“This is not politics as usual,” said a smirking Palin. “I know there are plenty of real Americans out there who will help me win the 2012 Presidential election. And while I’m proud to serve, I’m afraid the negative press and potty-mouthed attacks from bloggers will force me to resign, effective shortly after I expect to win, roughly 45 months from now.”

While most political pundits have questioned whether Palin is making the right decision in abandoning the White House nearly four years before she anticipates being elected President, The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol called the move “Pure genius by an amazing super maverick.”

“I’ll tell you what, once again, we see that Sarah Palin knows what America is all about,” said Kristol. “Her pre-quitting of the Presidency will long be look forward to as a brilliant time in American history.”

For her part, Palin said that she would look into other ways to serve the American public, such as serving as the center square on a revamped production of the game show “Hollywood Squares.” Palin is also expected to begin hawking flakes of her skin on QVC later this month.

“I belong to America, you betcha,” said Palin. “And for just three easy payments of $19.99, real Americans can own a part of me.”

Palin is also expected to publish her first book later this month, as well. The book, tentatively titled “Sarah’s Book of Baby Names” will include such Palin-esque names as Thump, Splat, Flap, Monkeybars, Norbert, Plug and Schwing!

Palin added that she wanted to thank those that will be campaigning for her in the future.

“For those of you that will be working hard to help me become President so that I can quit, well God Bless ya,” said Palin. “Your hard work is vital and appreciated. I couldn’t pre-quit the presidency if it weren’t for all the hard work that you’ll all eventually be doing.”

In the end, Palin made it crystal clear why she was willing to give up the nation’s biggest office before she actually won it.

“It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with this instead of progressing our state now. I know I promised no more “politics as usual,” but this isn’t what anyone had in mind for me,” said Palin. “If I have learned one thing: Life is about choices!”



12 Responses to “Sarah Palin quits the Presidency she expects to win in 2012”

  1. dgun on July 10th, 2009 4:22 am

    I’m glad to see that you are really having a good time over this one.

    Seriously, the Republican party thought this woman should have been one step behind a 70+ year old President?

    The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced McCain’s 2008 Presidential campaign was a ‘back-at-cha’ for all the shit that neocon nut Republicans threw at him in 2000.

  2. dgun on July 10th, 2009 4:27 am

    While most political pundits have questioned whether Palin is making the right decision in abandoning the White House nearly four years before she anticipates being elected President, The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol called the move “Pure genius by an amazing super maverick.”


    Kristol and Palin, great target practice, huh?

  3. Sabre on July 10th, 2009 7:53 am

    This is just full of awesome :D

  4. Michael on July 10th, 2009 8:26 am

    I’m still confused as to why anyone listens to Kristol anymore. I saw him on one of the weekday morning talk shows earlier this week, and he was saying the same thing as usual. “I heart Sarah Palin so much, I almost wish I could divorce my wife and move to Alaska without seeming crazy.”

    Is Kristol in on the joke? I mean, really, this has to be one big joke. Pat Buchanan was on some show this morning, talking about how the Republicans are starting to gain a better foothold and do some “really important work.” This has to be one of the biggest jokes ever.

    I’m almost tempted to accuse the whole crew, McCain included, of being part of The Yes Men.

    Mission statement of The Yes Men: Impersonating big-time criminals in order to publicly humiliate them. Targets are leaders and big corporations who put profits ahead of everything else.

  5. Paul on July 11th, 2009 9:43 am

    Let me ask who would you chose to get a surgery from a person who worked hard and received an Ivy League education, or one who does not care about education (especially science) and drifts and somehow manages to get a degree. She showed her true character, by quitting (cut and run) just like her college years. She couldn’t even give a decent exit speech (her railings against the media was sweet until she did an about face and ask them to go on a fishing trip with her to clarify her “Rambling Rose” comments). She was right for Alaska (with a population of less than 700,000), and her education matches it (journalism degree from the University of Idaho in 1987). But if you think anyone who wants to get our country back on track after the fiasco of the last administration with our economy and the fabrication of two wars then you along with the empty party are completely lost (are you surprise about the election results?). For the previous eight years we put up with a dullard president, but no more, you may try in 2012 but our eyes are open. I have heard that Republicans lost because God was against them, I can only say look at the candidates the Republicans put forward on their national ticket and don’t make the same mistake again. Mavericks, please, more like flash over substance (she quit and he fumbled) and the majority of voters saw it. We both know that she is cashing out, book deal, a show (Radio/TV), speaking engagements, she will keep stringing her followers along as long as she keeps the possibility open for running in 2012.

  6. Benito on July 11th, 2009 9:46 am

    When she accepted the VP nomination, she knew she needed to bring her professional game up to another level, she never did. She knew that her family would get attacked as did Hilary and Chelsea before her (by even her twin maverick brother McCain in 1998), let face it she knew her family affairs would come out. But now she plays the victim card again, a card she played after those comical first extended interviews that we all enjoyed and SNL immortalized. But for the icing on the cake, she quits, because she does not want to be a lame duck governor, because the lawsuits keep coming, because it was the media’s fault, because seeing Russia from her house finally got to her, because its not fair that Alaskan’s paid her salary while she was running for the VP position, take your pick. So what does she tells us? Dear Mr. President, when things get tough, quit. Dear military men and women, if you are not having fun, quit. Dear son or daughter, if things are not going your way, quit. Sure, I agree when she first was introduced and gave a descent speech, sure the polls went up, but after the extended interviews, they went where they ended, down. She showed her true character, I really hope the book deal, Radio/ TV shows and the lecture circuits make up for what her party has lost by her actions. She may go down in history as the quitter that twittered.

  7. William K. Wolfrum Chronicles » Blog Archive » Sarah Palin announces plan to run for Governor of Alaska in 2010 on July 28th, 2009 9:58 am

    [...] WASILLA – In a surprise announcement from a diner in this small Alaskan town, former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin announced her plans to run for the position again in 2010. [...]

  8. William K. Wolfrum Chronicles » Blog Archive » Taking a cue from Sarah Palin, all Republicans quit on August 3rd, 2009 9:12 am

    [...] Taking a page from the Sarah Palin playbook, all 219 Republicans in Congress quit today, effective immediately. [...]

  9. William K. Wolfrum Chronicles » Blog Archive » Sarah Palin signs with Minnesota Vikings on August 19th, 2009 6:21 am

    [...] MINNESOTA – In a move sure to foul up many a fantasy football league, former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has announced that she has signed a 3-year, $4.2-million contract with the Minnesota Vikings. [...]

  10. William K. Wolfrum Chronicles » Blog Archive » Sarah Palin finds way to make America better - by slagging the U.S. in Hong Kong on September 23rd, 2009 6:21 am

    [...] We all wondered how Sarah Palin would help make the U.S. a better place after she quit the governorship of Alaska. Well, it seems she’s found her niche – by criticizing the U.S. and Barack Obama during a paid speech in Hong Kong: Palin criticized Obama’s plan to give the Fed powers to monitor risks to the financial system. A meltdown last year led to $1.6 trillion of bank losses and writedowns and triggered a global recession. … [...]

  11. Joel Luther on March 5th, 2010 12:25 pm

    F*CK OBAMA!! He sucks and he was and still is not ready to lead anything that our country has to offer.. SARAH PALIN HAS A LOT MORESMARTS AND BRAINS then OBAMA!! I LOVE YOU SARAH PALIN!!

  12. dgun on March 5th, 2010 8:20 pm


    And she has boobs.

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