Sarah Palin announces plan to run for Governor of Alaska in 2010
July 28, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
WASILLA – In a surprise announcement from a diner in this small Alaskan town, former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin announced her plans to run for the position again in 2010.
“You know that I don’t do things like normal folk,” said Palin, dressed in fishing gear, a hunting cap, and a t-shirt that read “No. 1 Grandma!”
Palin continued, “I think the make-believe media are hating the troops, and I won’t stand for that. That is why I announce my decision to campaign for the position of Governor of the great state of Alaska.”
Palin, who resigned as Alaskan Governor yesterday, said she felt like she had the experience to run the state.
“I’m not just some politician in a suit,” said Palin. “I’m here, right now in the real world. And in 24 hours I’ve seen that I’m again needed again by America and Alaska again.”
Current Alaskan Governor Sean Parnell was quick to endorse Palin against himself.
“There is no question that I will run for this office in 2010,” said Parnell. “And I should lose badly to the great Alaskan and American leader, Sarah Palin.”
While the majority of political pundits have thus far reacted to Palin’s announcement with stunned silence, Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard,” called it a cunning tactical move.
“This is just brilliant by Palin,” said Kristol.”Dear Christ, she’s hot.”
During her 2-hour, 32-minute speech, Palin repeatedly ripped into the U.S. media, called Barack Obama’s economic plans “The most Fascistly communisty thing this side of Eek,” and called Alaskan singer Jewel a “snaggle-toothed whore” for no apparent reason.
“If you are against me, you are against the U.S. troops because my son is a troop,” said Palin, who twice stopped speaking to gut a salmon. “I said I’m not a quitter and my comeback will prove that I’m a maverick, you betcha.”
Palin added that she will begin campaigning immediately, but campaign exclusively from the continental U.S.
“How’s that for mavericky?” said Palin, who also sported a crucifix the size of a regulation softball around her neck. “I’m here always for the people of Alaska. My task is greater, and I was given divine direction that the best place to do this was as an absentee governor.
“Wow, I feel like I caught a 200-pound halibut here, this is great, being back in front of my people,” added Palin, who for a 22-minute stretch spoke in tongues. “So love Jesus, love the troops, vote Palin.”
–WKW
lol. Gold.
And her husband was by her side. His tee shirt had a big red arrow and said “I’m with stupid!”
I fail to understand why politicians have this burning desire to prove that they are completely average and unexceptional to voters
“Hey, I’m just a good’ol Texas cowboy raised in a privileged family environment and educated at Yale and Harvard [spits tobacco]. I don’t have to pretend to be stupid, but because of my Ivey league background I don’t know that I’m stupid and so I’ll wind up pretending to be even more stupid than I am so I can relate to average people, who I have always suspected of being stupid [goofy grin].”
This is quite possibly the greatest thing written on all of the internets.
The funny (sad?) thing is that this post isn’t really very far from what passes for right-wing “logic” these days.
Substitute any other Repub for “Palin” & the campaign slogan is just as appropriate & insightful.
I think you’ve got a definite future as a GOP media adviser, WKW