New Poll: 80% of Americans would give up breathing if it helped corporations make more money
July 30, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
SOUTH CAROLINA – A stunning new poll by William K. Wolfrum & Associates shows that nearly 80 percent of all Americans would stop breathing right now if a major corporation gave that order.
The poll – which was based on looking into how Americans will gladly vote against their own self interests – made several other discoveries, including:
Noted sociologist Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss., said that the poll is in line with how many Americans feel.
“In the U.S., it’s all about striving to be rich,” said Johnson. “And if you fail, you’re out. So better let the successful amongst us thrive than worry about the vast majority of Americans, who are abject failures at getting rich.”
Republicans were quick to jump on the poll numbers.
“Americans are selfless people. So selfless, they’ll always vote against their own interests,” said Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. “At the GOP, we’re aware of that and confident it will again lead us to power. The people have spoken, and they’ve told us they don’t want to be heard anymore. We can do that.”
More than 1,000 people took the poll, though many refused to accept the free pencils given out to fill out the poll, claiming it was a “socialist act” and that they should be “punished for not having their own pencils.”