Taking a cue from Sarah Palin, all Republicans quit

Taking a page from the Sarah Palin playbook, all 219 Republicans in Congress quit today, effective immediately.

“We believe we can do more to help this country outside of the government,” said former House Minority Leader John Boehner, who was holding a 4-iron. “Because, like Sarah said, fish have to swim and stuff. You betcha.”

The mass resignation comes at a time when Republicans are struggling to be an opposition party, and generally have done little but drop all-or-nothing type offers on President Barack Obama’s desk. With time running out until the 2010 elections, the GOP decided it was best to go for a home run move.

“This isn’t quitting,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. “Call it anything you like, but this is by no means quitting.”

Rumors quickly matriculated out of Washington that all 219 resigning Republicans have already taken jobs as Health Insurance lobbyists. Boehner said that Americans won’t be fooled and will see this ploy for what it really is.

“Yeah, it’s true a lot of us will be working with insurance companies,” said Boehner, an overly tanned flap of skin hanging from his cheek. “All I can say is that Blue Cross will take care of you when you need it, and so will we.”

Steele said he believed the work with the health care industry would strengthen Republican hopes in 2010.

“Seriously, no body is quitting here,” said Steele. “We will not be called a party of quitters just because everyone moved on to important jobs. I repeat – Not Quitting.”

With an unprecedented 433-0 advantage in Congress, Democrats have stated that they will move slowly and with caution.

“We’re still not sure if we’ll get a public option in health care reform,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “We need to make sure we reach out to the other side. We may take a hiatus until another side arrives.”

–WKW

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