Don’t let our dream of killing Grandma die!!
August 13, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
My liberal friends, as we all are well aware, killing grandma is a vital part of Health Care Reform. And right now, because of pesky Conservative meddling, this part of the overall plan is in peril.
It has long been an accepted fact amongst us enlightened, educated people that the elderly – while having many benefits – have to be killed. The reasons are simple, at least to we with proper brain capacity – they are a drag on health care, and they keep us from our ultimate dream of complete equality. We can never be equal if some of us are old. Thus, the old must go.
It was with this in mind that President Barack Obama – himself a super-intelligent master of the planet – instituted a “Death Panel” into the health care reform bill. The idea was simple – we deciders of life would give individual elderly people the once over, then give them the thumbs up or thumbs down. Most would be down. After that we release Obama’s “real” birth certificate. Easy, cheesy, eliminationisy.
Obviously, the wording in the bill had to be confusing. So by the hyper-intelligent use of “words” and “phrases” Obama got it in there. But our plan has been scuttled as Conservatives somehow deciphered the plan, and have now been vociferously arguing against it.
Now, first of all, people, come on. How the hell did we let conservatives figure this out? Soros is pissed, let me tell you. But what’s done is done, so we will get through this.
First off, using our skills of persuasion, we will convince Americans that no, this health care reform bill isn’t all about killing the elderly. Yes, we lie. And lie some more. We have never been this close to killing the elderly, and we will not allow this chance to slip through our fingers.
So be brave, fellow elite warriors, we will win this battle. We will kill the elderly of this nation, and eventually the planet. So let’s step up our game and kill grandma!
–WKW
P.S.: Also, Sarah Palin figured out that we want to kill Trig. I mean, WTF, people? We’ll address this later.
Well, at least they haven’t figured out that we want to deport Stephen Hawking to England, where NHS will ensure that he’ll be dead in a week.
What? Awww, man!
[...] It is with no small sense of irony that I write this post. After all, I’m a guy who just wrote a satirical piece about killing the elderly. Nonetheless, my own examination of fraudulent health care reform claims can’t be compared with Ann Coulter riffing about killing Rahm Emanuel’s brother. Or Glenn Beck joking about how he’d poison Nancy Pelosi. Or Beck joking about killing many other people. Or Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Michael Savage, Lou Dobbs, or the hundreds of copy-cat angry right-wing death porn stars out there “joking” about murder daily. Because the “jokes” about killing liberals and the “wacky fun” of demonizing liberals and blaming them for every ill on the planet are coming fast and furious, 24/7. [...]