There is really a basis for the right-wing claim that Jesus never meant for the government to provide a safety net. There is nothing about it in the Bible. The idea never occurred to him. He knew nothing beyond the concept of personal charity. He had no idea how a global economy would work, how powerfully industrialism would affect the environment or how complex and resource-devouring health care would become.

That’s why I am puzzled by people insisting that they find the Bible so helpful on moral issues. It is on such a personal level that the Bible isn’t any more helpful than any other religious document. All the religions say “Love your neighbor as yourself.” OK, how do I invest my money based on that principle? Am I obligated to invest only in morally worthy corporations? Should I work only for morally worthy corporations? ARE THERE any morally worthy corporations? Should I, as an American, give the money intended for my already privileged children’s college educations to feed starving Somalians? What guidance does the Bible provide on matters of birth control, turning off life support, abortion, artificial insemination, and cloning? We have chosen to believe that Jesus didn’t really meant it when He forbade divorce, because it simply isn’t practical in a modern, mobile society where lifespans are long. Jesus had no problem with eating meat, but now that we have the luxury of not being on the edge of starvation and now that we know more about how animals experience the world, is it OK to buy meat, milk and eggs produced on factory farms? Do we have an obligation to consider animal suffering in making moral decisions?

Should we really all try to perfect ourselves morally by giving away our possessions, studying religion and preaching to others? Clearly Jesus never intended for all his followers to do this, since it would leave the society in chaos. There had to be some people willing to jeapordize their salvation by focussing on raising food, building shelters, raising children, etc. Or did there? Jesus seemed to think the world would end within a couple of generations.

Sure, people have been struggling with moral trade-offs for thousands of years, and that’s never going to change. But I find the Bible so totally outdated that it is no help at all in figuring out what is moral.

To hear some of these scriptural scholars, somewhere it says in Luke or Mark or Revelation that Jesus bitterly hated Muslims, notwithstanding the fact that Islam wasn’t invented until six centuries after Jesus was crucified. But, as their political god Ronald Reagan once bungled a John Adams quote by declaring, “Facts are stupid things.” Imagine that line repeated with shiny-eyed pride by a woman with Lipton tea bags hanging off her hat, as if it were the ultimate debate-ending riposte as she adds, “and only liberals care about stupid things!”

… toldeth him to get off his lazy asseth and get a jobeth

So it turns out that, all those years, my parents were quoting the Bible to me, huh?

Who knew.