Getting my kicks at Pandagoal

I’m a fairly big fan of international soccer. Occasionally, I’ll enthusiastically fire off a soccer-related post around these parts. These posts are generally met with crickets. Angry, angry crickets.

So no more soccer for you. From here on out, if you want to see what I have to say about soccer, you need to head over to the new soccer blog site, Pandagoal.

Part of the Pandagon International Blogging Syndicate (or whatever), Pandagoal promises to deliver top-notch soccer ramblings, covering the English Premiere League, as well as all of international soccer. Pandagoal big-shot Marc Faletti had this to say:

“American soccer fans are where followers of liberal politics were 7 or 8 years ago: we love something that the mainstream media dismisses/denigrates, we care about a world beyond US borders, we often feel isolated in our communities, and the pockets of online activity are distant and unconnected,” said Faletti. “Pandagoal.com was created to change all of that by building a fun, inclusive, informative community of soccer fans. End American sports xenophobia! Hang out at Pandagoal.”

So, if you’re a soccer fan, or a really, really big fan of me, head over to Pandagoal. My first post – declaring my endless love for Barcelona’s Leo Messi - is already up. See ya there.

–WKW

Study: U.S. Health Care costs would plummet if people stopped talking out their ass

WASHINGTON – A group of well-respected physicians and scientists released a special report today that could greatly affect the current U.S. health care debate.

“We were originally studying ways to help treat hemorrhoids, but our research took a different turn,” said noted scientist Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss. “But once we got the data back and saw the incredible number of people talking out their asses, we knew we were on to something big.”

Citing “irrevocable evidence,” the report announced that the U.S. could save as much as $728 billion per year on health care costs if people would refrain from talking directly out of their rectums.

“The cumulative effect of having so many talking … um, crap, is much larger than we ever anticipated,” said Johnson. “People don’t realize the incredible damage they are doing to the health of the nation.”

Johnson added that the current debate on health care in the U.S. has people talking out of their asses more than ever.

“The health care reform issue is one that millions and millions of Americans don’t understand, but think they do,” said Johnson. “Thus people are talking out their asses like never before.”

Officials have stated that the damage done by Ass-Talkers could be catastrophic, but if people would start to “read multiple sources” and perhaps “read the bill they are ignorantly opposing” than the amount of pure crap in the public sphere could decline, making true debate again possible.

Still, Johnson said he was pessimistic about an improvement in what some have called “An Epidemic of Shit-Talk.”

“The thing about Ass-Talkers is that they truly believe they are correct, even though they are entirely ignorant,” said Johnson. “Plus, I can treat someone for an hour, but then they drive home listening to Limbaugh, and they are back to talking out their ass. It’s sad.”

–WKW

Hypothetically speaking, Americans must demand real Health Care reform while it’s on the table

In the real world, there are more than 40 million Americans without health insurance, and millions more that are under-insured. In the real world, faceless health insurance companies chose whether Americans live or die, based on profit. In the real world, millions of American families live in financial turmoil as health care bills destroy any hope they may have for a better future.

In the hypothetical world of ideology, health care reform is a mass murder. Thus far dead in the hypothetical world: Trig Palin, Ben Nelson, Ted Kennedy, Babies, the elderly, and likely many others. It’s a health care hypothetical holocaust out there, as imagined bodies litter the battle field.

Obviously it’s all nonsense, and little more than the status quo – in the form of health insurance corporations and Big Pharma – fighting anything that could harm their bottom line. But deadly scenarios drawn out of whole cloth and comparisons to Nazis tend to do better in the public sphere than actual facts, as we’ve learned over and over again.

As it stands now, it appears Obama will get something passed in regard to health care reform. But having already capitulated to Big Pharma, it’s become difficult to trust that Obama won’t go for political expediency rather than reform that actually makes a genuine difference to the silent majority.

In the end - brushing aside hypotheticals and conjecture – one thing Americans must understand is this – this train won’t be rolling by again any time soon. Whatever happens with the debate and ultimate legislation of health care reform, one thing is certain, it won’t be brought up again for quite some time.

This is why Americans must fight for the best possible health care reform. Check that – the best possible health care reform for American citizens.

While the ignorant spout off about the end of the United States due to Obama’s policies, the simple fact is that over the past three decades, the nation’s economy has shifted dramatically. And during this economic crisis, Republicans will look to put more of their finishing touches on their ideologically based “Starve the Beast” philosophy. One need only look to California to see that strategy in play.

Basically, it comes down to this – a true middle class can’t survive in the U.S. I can say that my opinion of where the U.S. is going has been affected by the fact that I live in Brazil. What I see in the U.S. over the next several decades is that wealth inequality will grow and jobs that used to afford people good lifestyles will diminish greatly. Because the U.S. can’t compete as is. Hardcore capitalism is the rule of the planet, and when you have cheap labor in China, Brazil, India, etc., there is no way at all for the U.S. to compete long term. Not without average workers seeing their compensation decrease dramatically.

So basically, when I look out my window in Brazil, I see where the U.S. is going. It will eventually be a nation of the pobre, with millions in favelas. I can see no way around this in the world “free market.” For the U.S. to compete, U.S. workers will have to receive the same treatment as workers in China and other emerging nations. Because those nations won’t be raising their standards to reach ours.

But most of those nations will have universal health care. And that’s something Americans won’t have for the foreseeable future if they don’t demolish the false hypotheticals and force health insurance companies, Big Pharma, and the U.S. government to accept that it is time for a new status quo. Yes, they will fight. The status quo always does when threatened. But simply speaking, it is time for average Americans to “get theirs.” It is time for Americans to stand up and demand lives that won’t be ruined by health care bills or by illnesses they can’t afford to treat.

Because in the end, health care reform comes down to two hypotheticals – Do American citizens deserve to be treated as well as large health insurance corporations, and ; 2) If not now, when?

–WKW

Brazilian baby rocking out to YMCA – enough said

My new friend Camilla simultaneously strengthens the stereotypes that all Brazilians can dance, and that no one can resist the Village People and YMCA.

–WKW

Soothe your hate at “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp”

Does it give you pleasure to interrupt policy meetings by screaming out angry slogans? Do you laugh and feel hopeful when television pundits joke about murdering Nancy Pelosi? When right-wing extremists commit murder, do you give them the benefit of the doubt? Do you think Barack Obama is a Kenyan Anti-Christ bent on destruction of the United States?

Hi, I’m William K. Wolfrum, and if any of these above examples apply to you, you just might be an Angry Racist Douchebag. Here at “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp,” we work hard with each individual to help decrease their inner angry racist douchebaggery in a positive, fun atmosphere.

At “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp,” we follow a simple philosophy – that Angry Racist Douchebags need to be interned somewhere in the woods until they’re no longer a threat to American citizens. Whether it’s an Angry Racist Douchebag coming in on their own, or being sent to us by worried friends and relatives, our staff of hard-working counselors are ready to help.

Some of the programs we have at “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp” include:

Archery

“Other People Have Feelings” seminar

Obama is black. Deal. 101

Threatening to Kill People is Bad 101

“Stop Being Passionate About Things You Don’t Understand” – as performed by the William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp Players.

Paintball, and;

Glenn Beck is a Piece of Crap – Advanced Course

All that and much, much more. Because at “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp,” we treat all our campers like real people, even when they refuse to grant us that same respect. We work hard to show our campers that their opinions aren’t the only opinions in the world and that living in an actual society is a good thing.

As an added bonus, campers will be served fine meals from “Granny Johnson’s House of Hamburgers.” While no punch will be served, our campers will continue leading the well-fed lifestyle they’ve grown to love. Plus, campers can have fun at the old swimmin’ hole, go horseback riding, learn how to tie a variety of knots and be tasered repeatedly until they’re happy, well-adjusted people rather than angry racist douchebags.

So come on down to “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp.” Just $4,500 per six-month program and conveniently located at FEMA Camp #44 on Route 17 near Boise, Idaho. At “William K. Wolfrum’s Angry Racist Douchebag Happy Fun Camp,” we have the individual programs that you need to stop being an Angry Racist Douchebag. Call now, and the first taser will be on us.

–WKW

Why did U.S. invade Iraq? Gog and Magog were at work in the Middle East fulfilling biblical prophecies. Duh

Courtesy of the lovely and talented Attaturk at Rising Hegemon, we find a story about George W. Bush, Jacques Chirac, Iraq, biblical prophecy and complete and utter insanity:

Incredibly, President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.

Honest. This isn’t a joke. The president of the United States, in a top-secret phone call to a major European ally, asked for French troops to join American soldiers in attacking Iraq as a mission from God.

Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their “common faith” (Christianity) and told him: “Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.”

This bizarre episode occurred while the White House was assembling its “coalition of the willing” to unleash the Iraq invasion. Chirac says he was boggled by Bush’s call and “wondered how someone could be so superficial and fanatical in their beliefs.”

The U.S. had a theocratic war machine in charge for eight years, and the nation is still dealing with the ramifications of that. But, of course, the whole Republic is about to collapse because Obama is giving car rebates and taxes may go up.

–WKW

Why is the federal government only helping auto companies?

It seems one of the big right-wing talking points in regard to the “Cash-for-Clunkers” program is “Why is the government helping the auto industry and not other business sectors?”

It’s a valid question. After all, the U.S. federal government currently only supports a few industries via subsidies and protectionist practices.

A few: Oil, energy, defense, steel, feed grain, cotton, wheat, soybean, dairy, peanut, sugar, oil seed, tobacco, wool and mohair, honey.

Companies that have received federal monies include: Boeing, Xerox, IBM, Motorola, Dow Chemical, and General Electric, Pillsbury, Sunkist, McDonalds, Shell, Exxon and Walmart.

So why is the federal government only helping the auto industry? Because they have spent the last few decades helping all other industries, perhaps?

–WKW

Please stop sticking pins in your dog

Having stumbled across a Yahoo! video on people giving their pets acupuncture, I thought now would be a good time to tell people not to stick pins in their cherished pets. Giving a dog acupuncture doesn’t help the dog as much as it helps the dog owner.

Come on, people. Acupuncture is all about the placebo effect. And your pet just doesn’t think at that level. So just stop it.

–WKW

Health insurance lobbyists look to ratchet up disruptions of health care townhall meetings

WASHINGTON – Saying that their initial efforts have been a resounding success, Republican lobbying firms Americans for Prosperity and FreedomWorks have announced they will ratchet up their disruptions of health care townhall meetings for the remainder of the month.

“So far, we’ve done a fantastic job of drowning out and distorting the debate on health care,” said FreedomWorks Lead Lobbyist Dick Armey. “Now we’re going to take things to a higher level of Astroturf.”

Thus far, the health insurance company lobbyists have helped gather together crowds at Townhall-style health care meetings around the nation. Often, large groups of protesters get together and shout down dialogue by repeating slogans, as Orwell foretold. The lobbying groups detailed their “Advanced Disruption Techniques” in a recent memo that advised numerous actions that supporters of health insurance companies could take part in, including:

Having Ted Nugent burst into meetings and play “Cat Scratch Fever” until everyone disperses.

Having supporters bring in children, who will run around meeting screaming “Don’t kill grandma!”

Filling townhall auditoriums with venomous snakes, hire Samuel L. Jackson to burst into the door yelling “Get those motherfucking snakes off my motherfucking health care!”

Convince supporters that they will be remembered as “martyrs,” have them strap explosives to themselves and then detonate in the middle of the meetings.

“We’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect the health insurance companies,” said Armey, who counts several sitting congress members as fellow lobbyists. “This is the most important fight in the history of the health insurance industry, and we will win. This is democracy in action.”

While all non-Red Dog Democrats have condemned the corporate-led “grassroots” efforts, major health insurance companies have said they support “having the people speak.” The health-care company Cigna has thus far avoided comment on the townhall disruption strategy, preferring to continue to focus its resources on not allowing teenage girls to receive life-saving operations.

–WKW

No one expects a blogaround – In the News

And now, the news:

White Collar Fraud: It’s time for the SEC to investigate Overstock.com’s repeated GAAP violations.

Marc Armbinder: Of course Republicans are astroturfing Health Care Townhall meetings. This proves the incredible opposition against Obama’s plans.

Rude Pundit: Ok, old people., you got us. We want to kill you.

Maureen Dowd: Bill Clinton went and met Kim Jong-Il. And Maureen Dowd hates Hillary Clinton.

Save the News: A new organization fighting to fix the U.S. journalistic wasteland.

–WKW

Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate Released!

Click to enlarge.

–WKW

Arena Football closes its doors

It appears to be all over for the Arena Football League, as multiple sources have said the league will be declaring bankruptcy and ceasing operations.

“It’s just unfortunate we’re in this situation,” said Arizona Rattlers Owner Brett Bouchy said, according to the newspaper. “Everyone knows myself and Arizona fought hard to avoid this day. The league was divided into two groups and factions. You had one group of committed owners who contributed capital and willing to do whatever it took to bring the league back in 2010. I have been in that group the entire time. Then there was another group that just wasn’t willing to make the investment. We could never get a consensus.”

I had the pleasure of covering several AFL games at the Staples Center in 2002-2003, when the Tony Graziani-led Los Avengers thrilled L.A. crowds with their exciting play. It was one of my favorite sports assignments, and the team and the league treated reporters very well.

It saddens me to see the AFL go, especially in L.A., where professional football is but a memory. But the AFL leaves a legacy of fun, fan-friendly football. It saddens me to see it fold.

–WKW

Meek lose inheritance; Goldman Sachs given rights to Earth

WALL STREET — For years now, the Meek have lived with the comforting knowledge that they would inherit the Earth. Now, they don’t even have that. In a complicated financial maneuver, Goldman Sachs today took over the rights to Earth.

The wrangling of the Earth from the Meek began in 1999 with the repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act. Starting in 2004, predatory lenders began targeting the Meek, offering unheard-of deals on home loans. The Meek – unaware their inheritance would be used as collateral – then began foreclosing on their homes at a dramatic pace. Last week, the threshold was passed, giving Goldman Sachs a plus-50% holding of the planet at the time of their deaths.

“Once again Goldman Sachs has proven to be a leader in world markets, in this case literally,” said Former Goldman Sachs CEO Henry Paulson. “The economy and the planet are in better hands with Goldman Sachs.”

For the most part, reaction from the Meek has been mostly muted.

“Meh, whatever,” said Noted Meek Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss. “I never expected to see that inheritance anyway.”

Goldman Sachs announced the opening of a new division called simply “The Planet.” The Planet will be publicly traded, with shares of the Earth available for $87.45 at the IPO to be held later this week.

–WKW

One-Liner: A Birthday in Kenya

If Barack Obama flew to Kenya to celebrate his birthday today, it would be the most hyper-awesome move any president has ever made.

–WKW

Because we don’t want bureaucrats running health care

Remember, if the government is involved in health care, the bureaucrats will decide if you should live or die. Unlike today, when Cigna gets to make that call:

An insurance company that initially refused to pay for a liver transplant for a 17-year-old Northridge girl who died in a hospital should face criminal charges and pay civil damages, an attorney for the girl’s family said Friday.

Cigna HealthCare “literally, maliciously killed” Nataline Sarkisyan, attorney Mark Geragos told reporters in downtown Los Angeles.

Sarkisyan died at 5:50 p.m. Thursday after being pulled off life support at UCLA Medical Center.

Geragos said Cigna twice took Sarkisyan off the liver transplant list
and purposely waited until she was near death to approve the transplant because the company didn’t want to pay for her after-care.

Cigna announced yesterday — just hours before the girl died — it would pay for the transplant. “Cigna decided that they were going to take profits over this little, beautiful princess’ life,” Geragos said. “We believe that they single- handedly decided that they wanted to have her die and wait so they would not have to take the after-care coverage.”

And these are the people Republicans and Blue-Dog Democrats are willing to go to any length to save.

–WKW

« Previous Page — Next Page »