Jake Tapper demands everyone apologizes for saying “Druidism is not a real religion”
October 21, 2009 by William K. Wolfrum
HOLLYWOOD – Star Celebrity Noteworthy Savvy Handsome Journalist Jake Tapper today defended Druidism from any that would attack the ancient mythology.
“It’s escaped none of our notice that many have decided to declare one of our sister religions “not a real religion” and to tell the rest of us not to treat them like a real religion,” said Tapper. “How’s my hair?”
Tapper’s involvement in druidism dates back to college. Tapper’s dormitory roommate, Timothy Johnson, said Tapper had several unsettling habits.
“Jake was really into trees. I mean really into them,” said Johnson, repeatedly winking and nudging this reporter. “That was wrong. Sick and wrong.”
Despite the controversy, Tapper remains steadfast in his belief that Druidism is a real religion and that everyone should just shut up about it.
“Seriously, I have like a cowlick back there. See it?” said Tapper. “This is just unacceptable, people. Get the hair team back in here. And can someone make this suit look less empty?”
–WKW
HT Michael
Any article that involves Jake Tapper being a dendrophiliac should be nominated for some kind of award. I’m not sure which award, but if you make a suggestion, I’ll nominate this for it.
AGAIN you are at your best on your blogs…ROFLMAO
It’s a slippery slope: First it’s hugging trees and that inevitably leads to marrying them. (Not to imply Jake’s wife is a sap, but…) It seems, from his appearances on TV, that Jake’s father was likely a white pine but he could also have been a California redwood like ex-Congressman Bob Dornan. Considering the business Tapper’s in and who he works for, he’s just lucky that his nose hasn’t taken on the elastic characteristics of another wooden-headed boy from the pages of history.
Damn, RS. You’re on fire. Great comment.
An imaginary character from a blog defending Fox “News”?
Sounds about right.
No way “Jake Tapper” is “real”. Another Marty prank? I wonder.
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Tapper will champion Kwanzaa and Festivus next.
Thanks, WKW — my face is red.