Quote of the Day: The most modest of health care proposals

“About 15 percent of Americans have no health insurance, according to the Census Bureau. Another 8 percent are underinsured, according to the Commonwealth Fund, a health policy research group. So I propose that if health reform fails this year, 15 percent of members of Congress, along with their families, randomly lose all health insurance and another 8 percent receive inadequate coverage.”

– Nick Kristof, New York Times.

–WKW

Barack Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize – Conservatives explode like Agent Smith at the end of Matrix

UNITED STATES – In a stunning announcement today, U.S. President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his diplomatic efforts. Immediately following the announcements, Conservatives throughout the United States lost cohesion and exploded, much like the Agent Smith character did at the end of the Matrix.

“I was sitting next to Jonah Goldberg and Bill Kristol having breakfast,” said an unnamed source. “We heard the news and I looked over to them and all I saw were pixels floating into space.”

The Nobel Committee awarded Obama for the new “How About You Guys Not Start Any More Wars” category, with special emphasis on Iran. While millions of Americans have celebrated with pride that their President was awarded the prestigious prize, conservatives seemed unable to process the information.

“This, Van Jones, Jennings, Ayers … ” said Fox News star Glenn Beck, moments before imploding, causing a black hole that for 10 minutes sucked all hate into the area directly into it.

More on this story as it develops.

–WKW

One-Liner: Let’s blow up the moon

On a long enough time line, everything in life will become a Mr. Show sketch.

–WKW

Politico hacks away to connect Roman Polanski and President Barack Obama

It was always apparent that Politico.com was right of center, but in a nation that has Fox News and one of its parties inching toward a potentially frightening far right position, they have more or less blended into the scenery.

But no more. The Politico is making it clear that they are going after the fringe that has made Glenn Beck a ratings hero. Their most recent ploy: Doing whatever it takes to connect child rapist Roman Polanski with President Barack Obama.

First, on the front page (see image to the left) you’ll find them link a comment from Walter Russell Mead, Henry A. Kissinger senior fellow for U.S. foreign policy (which safely tells you where he stands on the political spectrum) who works hard to get Polanski and Obama into the same sentence:

The SNL skit reminds us of two things. First, that President Obama is no longer a fantasy figure, the anti-Bush who will heal all our ills. He’s the struggling occupant of an office with constitutionally limited powers facing a complex assortment of challenges and hemmed in by constraints on all sides. He’s the President of the United States, not the Wizard of Oz. Second, that Obama is losing the Roman Polanski vote. He’s not only not the Wizard of Oz; he isn’t the Hollywood Avenger, using his superpowers to transform the country into the kind of place our enlightened glitterati wished they lived in.

That’s just for starters. Because inside Politico’s Click section, they destroy any whiff of credibility and integrity they have, once and for all:

“Roman Polanski Backers gave $34K to Barack Obama, DNC”

Movie industry types calling for the release of director Roman Polanski last year gave $34,000 to Obama’s presidential campaign and the Democratic Party, FEC records show.

Polanski’s arrest late last month by Swiss authorities in connection with a three-decade-old California underage sex case has sparked a vigorous national debate about sex, justice and extradition that – thus far – has yet to draw in the Obama administration.

But the most generous Democratic donor of the vocal pro-Polanski contingent, Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, in an open letter called on “every US filmmaker to lobby against any move to bring Polanski back to the US, where he could face life in jail.”

Weinstein last year gave $28,500 to the DNC and its White House Victory Fund, though he didn’t contribute directly to Obama. In fact, he has been a big supporter of Obama’s presidential rival-turned Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, whose campaigns and committees have received $88,000 from Weinstein over the years.

There’s really not much to add to that bit of heinous GOP propaganda. They can say whatever they like about what section it was in, but the creators of Politico should be pleased – they are the new Fox News. Check that, Fox is on television. Instead, it’s safer to say Politico is the new WorldNetDaily.

–WKW

I’m heterosexual – and, wow, do I have a lot of rights

My friends, I have long withheld this information, as I’ve long believed that my sexuality is no one’s business but my own. However, after seeing recent studies and news reports, I believe that now is the perfect time to come forward and admit what so many have long believed:

I am heterosexual. And let me tell you something, it’s freakin’ fantastic.

Now, I know all about Gay & Lesbian pride. The LGBT community is proud of who they are, and they at least have that right. But seriously, I’m not trying to gloat here, but being a heterosexual kicks ass. If there is a right available, I have it. I’m hetero, and like the Founding Fathers wanted, I win.

Before you get angry at me for bragging, let’s just go through some simple facts that prove being a heterosexual is like winning the lottery of rights, benefits and advantages:

I got to marry the person I love;

I can’t be fired from my job for being heterosexual;

I never was thrown out of school for being my heterosexual self;

If I was in the military, I could openly discuss my sexuality and not be fired;

Mormons will never rally together to deny me anything;

The Pope will never denounce me for being heterosexual;

I get every Social Security benefit available;

My marriage is accepted in all 50 states;

My heterosexuality would never get in the way of my ability to adopt;

No one will commit violence against me, or murder me for being heterosexual.

Entertainers don’t insult me or incite violence against me for being heterosexual;

Hell, there’s a lot more things my heterosexuality gets me. I didn’t even include the more than 1,000 rights and benefits bestowed upon me for being allowed to marry. Did you know that my Spouse’s flower sales count towards meeting the eligibility for Fresh Cut Flowers and Fresh Cut Greens Promotion and Information Act? Or that I have the Right to continue living on land purchased from my spouse by the National Park Service when easement is granted to my spouse? Neither did I, but I have those rights, as well.

Oh yeah, and I’ll save roughly $400,000 by being heterosexual.

Basically, being a heterosexual means I have so many more rights than gays & lesbians that there are a shitload of rights and benefits I have that I don’t even use or need. And I don’t have to march, protest or fight for any of them.

So my friends, you better recognize. I have more rights, less expenses, less chance of being beaten, less chance of being disowned by family, and tons of other benefits, rights and advantages. Because I fell in love with, and desire a person of the opposite sex. For this, my life is clearly better than anyone who is gay or lesbian.

The United States has made it clear – I am heterosexual and my life is better than the lives of gays and lesbians because of it. And, in the end, isn’t that what being American and living in the land of the free all about?

–WKW

Video proof that Matt Taibbi is a naked short selling dupe

Continuing with my theme of bad journalism, I have a video that was given to me last week that will allow people to see how Rolling Stone reporter Matt Taibbi is a naked short selling dupe.

This video is only 5:35 long (scroll on down to view it), and what it shows is Taibbi trying to understand the topic of naked short selling while also working on numerous other subjects. I’ve had to edit out the location — I’ll call it PLACE X for short. What I can say is that Taibbi again showcases his incredible skills, but also shows that he’s keeping far too many balls in the air at one time to truly understand complex economic issues and can easily be led astray by hyper-biased sources. The fact that Taibbi can be manipulated is something that should be a concern to everyone.

In the video, which believe me doesn’t look all that sexy, Taibbi is using specific illegal techniques of handling multiple subjects, while not really understanding any of them. This technique was taught to him by, oh, let’s say, Goldman Sachs.

Here is the video with explanations below:

:34 As you can see, Taibbi is holding two items in his hand, with two in the air. Yet he is giving attention to the two that he is not holding.

:37 Here, Taibbi is spinning a basketball, a common practice of journalists who are trying to dazzle the reader withe fanciful acts rather than facts.

1:26 Here Taibbi is shown at an undisclosed location (but let’s call it Bank of America, anyway) practicing along with other journalists. To the bottom right of the video you can clearly see what looks like a pizza box. This is yet more proof that Taibbi is a dupe.

3:14 Here you can clearly see that Taibbi has six balls in the air. This is again proof that that he can be easily duped as his attention is always elsewhere.

3:51 Finally, here you see Taibbi lifting weights. Behind him is a wall rug with elephants on it, proof that Taibbi has been working with the GOP all along, and is thus extremely dupable.

This doesn’t sound all that dramatic and as video sequences go, and it sure isn’t the Paris Hilton sex tape. But this is an example of how an otherwise popular and intelligent reporter can keep so many balls in the air at one time, that his inner biases are easily manipulated by nefarious outside sources.

Why does this matter? It just does, trust me.

–WKW

Update #1: The sound wasn’t working on my PC, but sources tell me Taibbi is discussing Bear Stearns throughout the video.

Update #2: A bunch of idiots have commented that the video actually shows juggler Chris Taibbi, not Matt Taibbi, and that the video doesn’t show him being duped at all. Well bully for these morons. Because I never said the video was of Matt Taibbi or that the video was proof that Matt Taibbi is a naked short selling dupe. Great reporting, idiots. Suck it. My point still stand. Anyone who thinks otherwise is being paid of by, oh, let’s say the SEC.

Blogger to rewrite Bible to serve his own purposes

OMAHA – Noted blogger William K. Wolfrum has announced today his plans to rewrite the Holy Bible so it better conforms to his standards.

“From what I’ve been told, the Bible’s a hell of a book and has a lot of good lessons,” said Wolfrum, who has admitted to skimming through Revelations to see how it all ends. “But there’s just a lot of stuff in there that doesn’t work for me.”

Wolfrum said he is only interested in changing one major element in the Bible.

“I can’t really verify this, but I’ve heard that the Bible says masturbation is a no-no,” said Wolfrum, who was unsure over whether he was speaking of the Old Testament or New Testament, often conflating the two. “But I’m pretty sure Methuselah told Jesus that it’s a no-no, right? I just can’t have that.”

Wolfrum said his tome will be called “Billy’s Bad-Ass Bible,” and will not be as long as either the Old Testament or New Testament to better take into account chronic masturbators with short attention span.

“It’ll likely be pamplet-sized. Perhaps more like a newsletter, even,” said Wolfrum, who added that he was just as qualified as anyone to rewrite the Holy Book(s). “It really depends how many pictures I can cram into it.”

Despite many calls for his death by Christian fundamentalists, Wolfrum said he was resolute in his new project and would do it for sincere reasons, rather than for monetary gain.

“Hey, I’m trying to do something for all of humanity here,” said Wolfrum. “Because, as I think we’re all well-aware, rewriting the Bible to suit your own purposes is plainly a masturbatory issue.”

–WKW

No time for DADT: Obama Administration too busy not pushing public option, not investigating torture

The Obama Administration, which has been busy being malleable on the Public Option for Health care reform, avoiding investigating war crimes, and giving banks trillions, just doesn’t have the time to deal with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Jones said Obama “has an awful lot on his desk. I know this is an issue that he intends to take on at the appropriate time. And he has already signaled that to the Defense Department. The Defense Department is doing the things it has to do to prepare, but at the right time, I’m sure the president will take it on.”

As a candidate, Obama signaled support for repealing the law. To the disappointment of gay-rights supporters, he has yet to made a move since taking office in January. The White House has said it will not stop the military from dismissing gays and lesbians who acknowledge their sexuality.

As John Aravosis said:

Apparently, General Jones would have us believe that President Obama wasn’t aware that we were fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan when he promised to lift the gay ban during the campaign in exchange for our votes. So, Jones tells us today, Obama can’t get to that particular promise right now because he’s busy fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Uh huh.

So when exactly are both of those wars going to be over? I’m guessing some time after Obama leaves office. And that of course assumes that we don’t have more wars to “distract” the president.

Don’t fret, my LGBT friends, Obama may eventually get around to giving you the same rights I have. He’s just really busy not getting his agenda passed for now.

–WKW

Billionaire Rupert Murdoch is at War! Also, U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan

Rupert Murdoch biographer Michael Wolff penned a love story to Murdoch at Vanity Fair, pointing out that Murdoch is a warrior, among other things:

War is Rupert Murdoch’s natural state. When he launched the Fox Broadcasting Company, in October 1986, he went to war against the hegemony of CBS, ABC, and NBC. With Fox News he crossed swords with CNN’s Ted Turner. At Sky, his satellite-TV system in the U.K., he went up against the BBC. He’s battled China, the F.C.C., the print unions in Great Britain, and, recently, most of the journalism community in his takeover of The Wall Street Journal. He relishes conflict and doesn’t back down—one reason why he’s won so many of his fights and so profoundly changed the nature of his industry.

Now he’s going to war with the Internet.

In other news around the globe:

The Taliban is claiming responsibility for attacks on a pair of remote outposts in Afghanistan yesterday that killed eight U.S. soldiers.

But let us not forget that Rupert Murdoch is a brave warrior at war. He’s trying to charge for Internet content, after all.

–WKW

Democrats must show decorum and respect – Alan Grayson must apologize to Republicans

Every morning I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and ask myself this question: Am I a good guy? Now, it’s a purely hypothetical question, as there is no doubt that I’m a good guy who has high standards of politeness and decorum.

The same, however, cannot be said for Democratic Representative Alan Grayson. In the past few weeks, Grayson has stated that the Republican plan for health care reform is to have U.S. citizens “die quickly,” and referred to Republicans as “knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.”

Such behavior is abhorrent to me, as it should be to all liberals. For someone in the Democratic party to show such venom and passion is not just uncalled for, but it goes against everything that liberals and Democrats believe. It is behavior that puts us all on the same level of Republicans.

Rep. Grayson must apologize to each and every Republican in this nation – individually, if possible – for his reckless words and behavior. The U.S. is a nation of just two major political parties, and it’s the Republicans job to be venomous attack dogs. It is the job, nay, duty of Democrats to take Republican venom.

As of now, Republicans have been doing their job beautifully. They question President Barack Obama’s citizenship, his character, and his loyalty to the nation. This is what they are supposed to do. Grayson, however, is leading the Democratic Party astray by refusing to rise above this angry name-calling. It has been a shocking episode in this nation’s history.

We do not have to look far back to see that Democrats have not always been this way. They allowed Republicans hurl endless invectives at then-President Bill Clinton. And because of the high standards of Democrats, Clinton managed to get impeached, and Al Gore somehow lost to George W. Bush, despite the fact that Clinton left office with a budgetary surplus, low unemployment and high standing around the globe. Things were as they should be, basically.

When Rep. Grayson fights back against Republican smears and lies, he goes against the natural order of things. Democrats need to allow Republicans free reign. They must allow Republicans to practice their nasty, angry politics without so much as a whisper. Because then Democrats will be above the fray.

Democrats must allow Republicans to dominate the message and media and call them anti-American, Hitlerite, socialist, troop haters without response. For this, Americans will respect them. Because that respect will shine through in 2024 – after Obama loses re-election and Republicans spend 12 years in charge. Then, the fair-playing Democrats will possibly regain power and have their chance to bring their goodness to this nation, which will then likely be known as “WalMart Presents the United States of America.” Then – and only then – will Democrats be able to salvage the economy, and get American troops out of harms way in Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, Mexico, and whoever else Democrats allow neo-conservatives to attack.

Grayson must apologize to all Republicans because Democrats must always take the moral high ground and stay above the fray. It worked during the Clinton years, and it will work again.

–WKW

Blogger happy to learn Ohio Mayor refuses to piss on him

Bloggers have such nerve. It seems Robert Forrey, who runs a blog called RiverVices, made a radical request of Public Records from Mayor James D. Kalb of Portsmouth, Ohio. Kalb responded as any public official who makes his living off the public’s taxes would:

Per your public records request;

You are correct in stating that at the meeting in the park the fact was “acknowledged that such a written agreement existed”. What I don’t understand is why you feel that a confirmation of this fact would necessitate a publication or distribution of the mentioned document.

As you requested, a copy of the document has been prepared for you to pick up at my office. Our regular office hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM, Monday through Friday.

If there is anything else that I can do for you, which is required by law, don’t hesitate to call my office. If it isn’t required by law then don’t bother asking, because I think that you’re a worthless piece of s**t and I wouldn’t p**s on you if you were on fire (my opinion). You’re a poor, lonely, jealous, old man with aspirations of being a writer. You write your lies and uneducated opinions on people and issues from behind the safety of your slobber stained keyboard with the hope that somebody will read them that doesn’t know you and believe that you’re more than the pitiful, broke-down, lizard-looking thing that you are, in my opinion. Get a life old man. On second thought, don’t bother…………..

So, at least lonely ol’ Mr. Forrey can now scratch off “being pissed on by the Mayor” from his list of worries.

–WKW

Oh yeah, the U.S. is at war. Twice

… The U.S. is currently fighting two simultaneous wars. Forgot about that. At least it’s still getting coverage. After all, cable news giant CNN.com mentions the word “Iraq” once on it’s front page. And Fox News mentions Afghanistan once. Those blasted liberals at MSNBC.com seem to have noticed that we’re at war, though.

But at very least, CNN and Fox News are both doing a heckuva job reporting on Iran. But, hey, we all know the build-up to war is far more interesting than the wars themselves.

–WKW

Liars!

(CNN) — A retired prosecutor whose comments in a 2008 HBO documentary threatened to derail a 31-year-old sex case against film director Roman Polanski now says he lied.

When [Meg Whitman's] astonishing no-vote record was disclosed, she tried being slippery. She lied. She first told reporters she’d registered somewhere at some time and told them “to find it,” then lied again, declaring that she’d once been a “decline-to-state” party registrant. Later, one of her hired hands declared she “misspoke.”

Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis was forced to resign tonight … Then he lied about the staggering Merrill losses when, in fact (yes, it’s a “fact”), BofA could have walked, and then paid out and lied about the billions in bonuses that he suggests they were “forced” to pay. Whether they were contractually “forced” or not is immaterial, BofA should not have taken them on in the first place.

Bank of America and the Securities and Exchange Commission wanted the bank to pay $33 million — in shareholder money — to settle SEC allegations that BoA lied to shareholders about bonuses paid to Merrill Lynch executives. That was prior to when the bank, under pressure from regulators, merged with Merrill.

Judge Rakoff rejected the deal and ordered the case to trial Feb. 1.

He wrote: Those shareholders were “lied to blatantly.” The SEC contradicted its own policy by not pursuing charges against bank management or lawyers. And the proposed settlement was “a contrivance designed to provide the SEC with the facade of enforcement and the management of the Bank with a quick resolution of an embarrassing inquiry — all at the expense of the sole alleged victims, the shareholders.”

Broward County School Board Deputy Superintendent Michael Garretson contacted the Pulp this afternoon and had one very strong reaction to information filed in the federal complaint against School Board Member Beverly Gallagher.

“She’s lying,” said Garretson, shortly after he was interviewed by an FBI agent in his office today. “Obviously she took money from someone, and she made it sound like she did something with me, and it’s a bold-faced

A few weeks back, the responses from Apple and AT&T went public. Apple, apparently, had lied to the FCC, denying that it had ever rejected Google Voice despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

According to just released court papers tragic star Anna Nicole Smith’s doctor Sandeep Kapoor lied to investigators after they raided his Los Angeles home – by hiding her medical files below some shirts in his bedroom closet.

An ex-aide to Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards says he claimed paternity of Edwards’ ex-mistress’s child because he believed in him, lawyers said.

Former Missouri state Sen. Jeff Smith said in a letter published Tuesday that he was “stupid and wrong” to conceal his involvement in coordinating a political attack against Russ Carnahan in a 2004 Democratic congressional primary.

According to the Juneau Empire, the Alaska Retirement Management Board has filed suit to recoup losses caused by bad data it alleges that actuaries at Mercer Inc. provided knowingly — and tried to cover up — in order to avoid losing a state contract. “They lied to us for years,” said the ARM Board’s attorney in Juneau Superior Court, and later, “They were billions of dollars off.”

In its final arguments Friday, the state’s legal watchdog said Kwame Kilpatrick’s former lawyer clearly violated professional regulations by hiding his client’s perjury and trying to conceal the text messages that brought down the Detroit mayor’s administration.

In a statement to media, a Securities and Exchange Commission spokesperson alleged that CellCyte Genetics Corp. misled investors into believing the technology was headed for human trials when in fact the company’s product remained in the early stages of development. SEC officials allege stock promoters hired by CellCyte then spread the false information to investors, driving the stock price to $7.50-a-share before it plummeted back to less than a dime.

A detective for the New York Waterfront Commission was indicted on allegations he lied about cheating on a police entrance exam – by getting a copy of it from a former New Jersey Waterfront Commissioner. District Attorney Robert Morgenthau claims James Sutera failed the exam twice before posting the highest score ever recorded on his third attempt.

When a family-values politician has sex with someone other than his presumably family-values wife, he usually starts with the notion that the world revolves around him. Thus, Mark Sanford — who lied repeatedly about his extra-marital affair before getting caught — thought it necessary for the public to know about his efforts to “fall back in love” with his wife even though his Argentinean mistress was his “true love.”

Fallout from a sex scandal involving Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev., now includes new allegations of an illegal cover-up.

A front page article in Friday’s The New York Times details allegations that Ensign helped aide Doug Hampton violate so-called revolving door laws by helping him get lobbying work with Nevada firms.

CNN’s Rich Sanchez launched into a nearly seven minute attack on Fox’s integrity and responsibility as a news network in response. Pulling in example after example of CNN’s coverage of the events, Sanchez hammered away at Fox relentlessly, citing even Fox’s own Bill O’Reilly’s complaints about CNN’s supposedly non-existent coverage.

And then Sanchez went for the throat: the image Fox used as the backdrop for their Washington Post ad came from footage from CNN’s observation tower.

From this, we learn two things. The first is that Glenn Beck believes in God. The second is that Glenn Beck lies. You’d hope those things would be mutually exclusive.

For the record and for the umpteenth time: No version of healthcare reform being contemplated by Congress mandates death for the old, the disabled or the infirm. That’s a canard. It is mendacity, prevarication, a bald-faced lie.

According to disgraced Republican assemblyman Mike Duvall, the affairs with two women, one of whom allegedly was a lobbyist for the Sempra energy company, never happened, and the only reason he quit the assembly yesterday (after being stripped of his legislative posts by colleagues) was to avoid being a distraction to the high-minded business of governance.

An internal investigation report released last week by the Tennessee Valley Authority Inspector General claimed a TVA employee lied during a probe into a land swap that involved U.S. Rep. Heath Shuler, a Waynesville Democrat.

“We are surprised by how often parenting by lying takes place,” said study researcher Kang Lee of the University of Toronto, Canada. “Our findings showed that even the parents who most strongly promoted the importance of honesty with their children engaged in parenting by lying.”

–WKW

Conservatives lose 2016 Olympics for Chicago

While Conservatives rejoice at Chicago’s loss of the 2016 Olympics, one should never forget, it’s conservatives that lost the bid:

The European-dominated IOC’s last two experiences in the United States were marked by controversy: The 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics were sullied by a bribery scandal and logistical problems and a bombing hit the 1996 Games in Atlanta.

Conservative Eric Rudolph bombed the 1996 games (and let’s be honest – he’s no more radical that Glenn Beck or Newsmax these days). And Conservatives using time-honored conservative business practices like bribery gave the Salt Lake City games a stench it still can’t shake, obviously.

So Conservatives can feel free to blame Barack Obama for the rejection. But he just reaped what they sowed.

–WKW

Chicago doesn’t get the Olympics, the National Review rejoices

Well, Barack Obama may be one of the most popular men on the planet right now, but he couldn’t sway the International Olympic Committee, who eliminated Chicago from the race to host the 2016 Olympics. The Committee was turned off by the fact that the last two Olympics held in the U.S. were highlighted by bombs and bribes.

Sad news for the Chicago economy. Great news, however for conservatives. Take the National Review, for example. Right now at their “Corner,” there are currently seven blog posts mocking Obama for Chicago being eliminated. Jonah Goldberg and friends are sure a patriotic bunch.

–WKW

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