Woman stunned to see Virgin Mary not appear on Nacho Cheese Dorito

SPRINGFIELD — Elaine Hansen was eating a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos when she came upon a perfectly shaped chip. After examining the chip for several hours and inviting neighbors and family members to examine the chip, she had finally reached a stunning conclusion.

“You know, no matter how hard we looked, we just couldn’t see the Virgin Mary there anywhere,” said Hansen. “We even unfocused our eyes and looked past the chip like you do with those fancy paintings, but we still couldn’t see her. It was very disappointing.”

Hansen, who says she prays daily to the Virgin Mary to appear to her in a food product or elsewhere, said she will continue to look.

“We go through a lot of pretzels and chips here, so I really think she’ll show up,” said Hansen. “We quit buying Triscuits after we realized that not even the Blessed Virgin could appear on one of those. It’s a shame because we liked Triscuits.”

Hansen’s neighbor, Maryanne Jackson, was one of the first to see the Dorito and for a moment thought the Virgin Mary was showing herself.

“When I first looked, I though I saw an eye. But I just kept looking and I could see that the Blessed Mother just wasn’t there,” said Jackson. “But I keep my hopes up for Elaine. I know she’ll find her somewhere. God works in mysterious ways, after all.”

Hansen said that she is still hopeful of the Virgin Mary making some type of appearance in her household, because she said Jesus Christ has made continuous appearances in crucifixes in her home.

“We have a crucifix in every room. One day I was walking by one and I looked at it, you know, really looked,” said Hansen. “And then I saw it, right there in the middle of the cross. You have to look closely, but you can see our savior Jesus Christ right there. It’s inspiring and miraculous.”

Hansen said that she planned on diversifying her family’s eating habits in order to give the Virgin Mary better opportunities to show her self.

“I’m going to start buying tortillas,” said Hansen. “For one, they’re pretty good, and also, I’ve seen lots of reports of the Blessed Virgin showing up on them. I know she’ll come to me some day in some form, and I’ll share it with the world so that they can see how special of a person I really am.”

–WKW

Originally posted March 9, 2008 at Shakesville.

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