Already Confusing Blogger Vows to Quit Using Emoticons

BRAZIL – Blogger William K. Wolfrum today vowed to cease using emoticons on the Internet, in any way, ever again.

“If feel that they had become an intruder into my soul,“ said Wolfrum, who also vowed to act more “High-Fallutin’“ in 2009. “In real life, I wink maybe twice a year. This is out of hand.’’

Many critics have come forward to complain about Wolfrum`s decision, claiming he is often to self-important and vague in a lot of his satire.

“I don`t have any idea what he`s talking about half the time,“ said Internet stalker and journalist Judd Bagley. “It`s one of those annoying thing you`re supposed to act like you understand and like, but I don`t get it. Put a smilie behind every attempted joke.“

Wolfrum said he was happy with his plan.

“I am happy,“ said Wolfrum, 43, and not about to get better looking any time soon. “See how quick that is? One second of Typing. Yet so much more human. Join me on this emoticonless adventure and learn about the devious plot by Colon and Semi-Colon.“

–WKW

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