Blogger laments upcoming loss of Patrick Byrne

BRAZIL – Blogger William K. Wolfrum stared off into the distance, desperately trying to come up with an idea worth writing about. Looking forlorn, he finally gave up the chase and went to bed. It was 3 p.m.

“There’s nothing, just nothing,” said Wolfrum. “Not anymore.”

The reason behind Wolfrum’s malaise was simple – soon, he’d no longer have Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne to write about. And after spending the majority of the past two years writing about him, he was deflated, if not defeated.

Wolfrum – a self-described satirist known for posting pictures of his dogs and writing silly little things about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – called Byrne a “Once-in-a-Generation” topic.

“Someone like Byrne doesn’t come along too often,” said an unshaven, unkempt Wolfrum. “Sith Lords, the Russian Mob, Diamond heists, naked short selling, stalking, bizarre and libelous attacks on business journalists, karate, pretending he’s actually a journalist, etc. You can’t invent someone like Byrne.”

While Overstock.com continues its day-to-day operations, and could possibly survive in a healthier non-Byrne atmosphere, Wolfrum said the CEO is in the final stages of complete collapse. He pointed to SEC investigations, a possible tax evasion charge and the company’s loss of David K. Chidester as CFO, as signs that the Byrne charade was nearing its end.

“Chidester either jumped ship or was pushed,” said Wolfrum. “He left about three seconds after Roddy Boyd published a damning article about Byrne. But thus far, no one has really reported on it.”

While Wolfrum admitted that Byrne was now, for all intents and purposes, completely impotent and only of interest to bloggers like him who liked making silly little jokes about him, there was at least one person in the Overstock.com crew who would likely keep going strong – PR Guy and “possible pederast” Judd Bagley.

“Bagley’s a PR shill so he’ll be fine, he’s like a less-likable and less intellectually honest Karl Rove,” said Wolfrum. “With the 2010 elections coming up, I’m confident he’s far too nasty and soul-less to stay unemployed long once Byrne is done.”

Still, Wolfrum said that people should expect to see Byrne in the public eye for a while. He pointed to Byrne’s repeated appearances on Fox News, where friendly Fox News anchors would never even bother bringing up the fact that Byrne was under investigation by the SEC. Nonetheless, Wolfrum admitted the thrill was gone.

“Don’t get me wrong, Byrne’s committed to his clown act and getting attention,” said Wolfrum. “And right now, the guy can’t open his mouth without giving up Insider Information.

“So he’ll be around – at least for now and then after he gets out of jail,” added Wolfrum. “But all that’s left now is the crying, for all parties. What can I say, I’ll miss him. Patrick Byrne is a douchebag for the ages.”

–WKW

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